Conversations

[mssalty]

Does anyone else have difficulty having even trivial conversations?   Where you can respond to a topic (a benign one like music, sports, tv, etc) and before you can even finish your thought your SO is misunderstanding what you're trying to say as a criticism or not understanding why you brought it up in the first place?    It feels often as though my SO wants me to shut up in our conversations, and cutting me off is the best option.   I try not to react or get angry, but it's empty to not even be able to have a minor conversation with the person you love.   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Montana]

I have the same problem. My SO was my best friend.  He is now more of an enemy.  It's so hard and breaks my heart.  I use to be able to call him and tell him anything , funny, sad, interesting stories.  Now I don't even bother.  I only talk to him about stuff I have to.  I remember when I was so excited to talk to him.  Now I realize he catalogs everything and twists it to use against me later.  Yes even trivial stuff.  There are good days when I can just have small talk. But he actually has no idea what's going on with me in my life.  Or even the kids lives.  Makes me sad.  I talk to my family more, which pisses him off.  But I can't be shut off to the world. I'm new here so I wish I could offer some help, but I'm trying to figure this all myself. I wish you luck.  And if you find a tip to help let me know!

[eeyore]

A friend once said to me there are people who just love to spar.  That's what I found to be the case with my exbf.  So if he watched the news he'd spend the hour arguing with the tv.  If you agreed with him by repeating back what he said he's still argue what you repeated back to him wasn't what he said.  And the more you allowed him to spar the more aggressive he would become.  I'd stop conversations and ask him why he was yelling.  He'd say he wasn't yelling he just talks loud because he went to too many rock concerts.  Add to I feel he loved to listen to himself talk. 

The Lightbulb went off in my head when my friend explained to me that he and his wife get along well, harmoniously.  Generally then don't agree and when they do they work out their differences in a loving conversation.  However, before his wife he lived with a woman who just was they type to spar.