Backlash of my boundaries

[lost not dead]

     I have been seperated or at least I thought we were from my stbxw of 16 years for about 1 year now. In the past 6 months I have been working on myself very hard and trying to establish the boundaries I once had that she ground into dust. She lives in another state so I am mature enough to let her come stay at my house when she visits the kids. She is still paying most of our bills till I can get back to a decent income level. I told her 6 months ago that if she was going to cause problems in my home she was not welcome. Insert hysteria. She has been holding herself in some check after her hissy fit of intitilement. The newest biggy is she had begged her way back into my bed about 5 months ago. 1 months ago I told her this would be ending again. This weekend I did it and the hysterical hissy fit has been overpowering. She calmed down some after assaulting me (she is 5'5"" 150 Im 6'4" so she didnt do much damage. Now she is laying a guilt trip on me and making false accusations about me and my goddaughter conspiring against her so we can be together. Not to the police yet but on the twofacedbook. I am going through hell with her for standing up for myself and children. I know this is what I read she will do but I could use some of your experiences to help with my mentally feeling this is the right thing to do.

I kicked her out of my bed mainly because she would not leave me alone in a sexual way even though I am supposedly a horrible person and lover.

[heartandwhole]

Hi lost not dead,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your wife, that is painful and very difficult to live with.  You are trying to do the right thing for yourself and your children, while being kind to your wife, and the result is very difficult behavior on her part.  This sounds like it might be a kind of extinction burst – unwanted behavior that gets worse when boundaries are erected. 

You stated that if she causes trouble in your home, she is not welcome.  Have you thought of what actions will you take now to back up that statement?

What are your boundaries around getting physical?  I know she is much smaller than you, but it's important for you and the children that abuse not be tolerated.

Lost not dead, this is hard stuff.  I commend you for working on yourself, you are definitely making progress.  In fact, this escalation in behavior may be proving that, although I know it's terrible to go through.

Keep writing, we are here to listen and support you. 

heart

[Reg]

Hi lost not dead,

You clearly want to set boundaries on this matter and her behavior.

Ever been thinking of, just for your own, to make a list of what you will not accept anymore ?

Take care !

Reg