New to world of BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone, my partner's sister has been diagnosed with BPD and she can really make life hellish for all concerned. I'm so glad that this great resource exists so that I can get some support and tips on how to navigate the rocky waters. It's very hard to cope with someone who doesn't listen, twists what you say to her or remembers something completely different from your conversations. She can get very sarcastic,mean, accusatory and sometimes paranoid. I don't get the full brunt of this because I'm an "in-law" but I've witnessed it many times. I have done some reading on BPD and it doesn't fill me with a lot of hope. Change comes from within and the desire to change has to be there but that's not going to happen if you can't take responsibility for yourself or acknowledge that you have some serious problems. I could say a lot more but this a first posting so that's all for now. So glad that you folks are here! Peace

[pinewillow]

Hi everyone, my partner's sister has been diagnosed with BPD and she can really make life hellish for all concerned. I'm so glad that this great resource exists so that I can get some support and tips on how to navigate the rocky waters. It's very hard to cope with someone who doesn't listen, twists what you say to her or remembers something completely different from your conversations. She can get very sarcastic,mean, accusatory and sometimes paranoid. I don't get the full brunt of this because I'm an "in-law" but I've witnessed it many times. I have done some reading on BPD and it doesn't fill me with a lot of hope. Change comes from within and the desire to change has to be there but that's not going to happen if you can't take responsibility for yourself or acknowledge that you have some serious problems. I could say a lot more but this a first posting so that's all for now. So glad that you folks are here! Peace

[P.F.Change]

We're glad you are here, too!  Welcome.

Having a family member with BPD can be difficult and confusing. You are right that your partner's sister may never see a need to work on changing her own behavior. But you and your SO do have the power to work on remaining emotionally detached from the sister's chaos and maintaining healthy boundaries. This may be more challenging for your SO since s/he will likely have grown up with Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. Has either of you ever considered talking with a therapist? There are also some great books on the market.

Here at bpdfamily.com there are lots of articles and workshops that can help you continue your research into understanding ways to cope with this disorder. One that gave me  a moment was Radical Acceptance for Family Members. The one on Values&Boundaries is also very good. I hope you will also keep posting on the message board. You are not alone in this!

Wishing you peace,

PF

[vivekananda]

Hi pinewillow 

I am glad you have joined us. I think you have come to the right place.

It is a challenge when a member of the family is so difficult to manage... .walking on eggshells eh? But there is hope for us and for all concerned too.

I would also like to encourage you to explore the site here to see what we offer, there are some excellent resources. The two tools I have found most helpful are boundaries and validation (yes, radical acceptance is an eye opener and invaluable too, as P.F. Change suggests). But I have two links for you that you might want to explore:

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

Understanding Validation in Families - Alan E. Fruzzetti, PhD

Let me know what you think of them, ok?

Can you tell me how old your partner's sister is?

cheers,

Vivek  

[nevermore]

Find and read the book "Understanding Your Borderline Mother."  I know she isn't your mother but the things you read will still apply.  Until you have been around someone with BP it is impossible to understand.  To outsiders they may seem like lovely people and probably behave quite nicely because they save the rage and lies and splitting for family.  Welcome to the forum. You will learn to much here.