Vagabond?

[Renni]

This is 2 parts... .before the question.  

My sister is uBPD.  When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, she moved in to nurse him.  One of her friends told her if she ever needed a place to stay, or to get away for a few hours, she was welcome.  My sister told me "that means so much, to know I have a place to go."  Which I didn't understand, since she could always go back to her boyfriend's house. Her house.    

He died a few weeks later, and left his house to both of us.  She didn't like the house, she never stayed overnight. All the plants died, but I couldn't get her to put it on the market.  I had to hold the IRAs for ransom.  Big drama, lots of texts.

Second part - My sort of daughter in law (Stepson's BabyMomma) is living with us while she waits for her income based housing transfer.  My man lives with me, and he's letting his two teenaged sons stay at his house.  But they aren't very neat, and she doesn't like the brother, so...  it's a problem.  Her apt is 3 hours away.  I helped her get enrolled in a college down here, and she was able to transfer her job to the office in our town.  

She's very unstable.  She lies all the time, because of her antidepressants, sleeps hours on end.   She blames her mother or my stepson for everything wrong in her life.  She has attempted suicide 3 times, and she's only 19.  Since she said there's no way she would stay in bf's house, I stocked mine with formula, food, bottles, baby stuff.  Set up a crib, play pen, Stepson was there every night for 2 weeks.  Neither one of them cleaned.  They used up every towel in the house, threw them on the floor of the bedroom in my 8 month old house, When they ran out of towels, she told me they were going out to bf's house to start getting it cleaned up.  I looked at her, and said, "You know it wont stay that way, right?"  She dropped her head, and said, "It will be nice to have another place to go"

What's up with that?  I ask because I don't think like she or my sister do.  I don't understand that... that vagabond thang.

[DreamGirl]

Could he be learned helplessness?

You know, having your value tied to being "taken care of"?

There is also a certain kind of personality that gets caught up in this kind of dynamic. It's where codependence starts to come into play.