Daughter diagnosed w/BPD attempted suicide

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter of 20 has just been diagnosed with BPD. She was admitted to psych hospital 10 days ago stayed for 3 days and was released. This weekend she took an overdose of pills and wanted to die. She spent 2 nights in hospital and was discharged, She is now living with her father as wants nothing to do with me. She was living with me before the first non suicidal hospitalization and when attempted suicide was already staying with her dad. They told us that to be prepared that there will most likely be many more suicide attempts. I am living in constant fear that I will find out one day my daughter has done it again and also fear that she will die. I also am very very sad that she has detached herself from me as I was there for 20 years and gave her everything a child could want, she had it all and now she turns her back on me. She has recently gotten involved in a relationship with a girl as she said she is gay, which is fine with me. Since being in this relationship she has drastically changed for the worse and all these things have been happening. My daughter is also a cutter. Her girlfriend I just found out has also tried to commit suicice and was a cutter. I dont understand anything that is going on and why would 2 suicidal people hook up in a relationship as we are scared of a suicide pact or something like it. There relationship is like an addiction, they are so codependant on each other it makes no snese. It is a long distance relationship so they skype text etc, but non stop all day all night. Even in the hospital my daughter is literally shaking in the bed to get to a phone to call as cannot lose contact with the girl. Any advice from anyone would be grealty appreciated as I feel the walls closing in on me and fear I have lost my daughter forever

[mary93]

My daughter of 20 has just been diagnosed with BPD. She was admitted to psych hospital 10 days ago stayed for 3 days and was released. This weekend she took an overdose of pills and wanted to die. She spent 2 nights in hospital and was discharged, She is now living with her father as wants nothing to do with me. She was living with me before the first non suicidal hospitalization and when attempted suicide was already staying with her dad. They told us that to be prepared that there will most likely be many more suicide attempts. I am living in constant fear that I will find out one day my daughter has done it again and also fear that she will die. I also am very very sad that she has detached herself from me as I was there for 20 years and gave her everything a child could want, she had it all and now she turns her back on me. She has recently gotten involved in a relationship with a girl as she said she is gay, which is fine with me. Since being in this relationship she has drastically changed for the worse and all these things have been happening. My daughter is also a cutter. Her girlfriend I just found out has also tried to commit suicice and was a cutter. I dont understand anything that is going on and why would 2 suicidal people hook up in a relationship as we are scared of a suicide pact or something like it. There relationship is like an addiction, they are so codependant on each other it makes no snese. It is a long distance relationship so they skype text etc, but non stop all day all night. Even in the hospital my daughter is literally shaking in the bed to get to a phone to call as cannot lose contact with the girl. Any advice from anyone would be grealty appreciated as I feel the walls closing in on me and fear I have lost my daughter forever

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, mary93 

I'm so very sorry for all the pain and confusion you are going through with your daughter; suicidal ideation has got to be the most heartbreaking of BPD behaviors, and it is a horrible thing to have to endure. When our children are hurting themselves and causing so much pain and turmoil in their lives--and ours, too!--it truly is something that is very hard to deal with. My own adult son (36) has recently been diagnosed with BPD, and his own suicidal ideation had been a part of our lives since he was 20 years old.

At this point, he has undergone an intensive 21-day Dual Diagnosis Program which turned his life around, and at this time he is in recovery and doing very well... .I just wanted you to know that sometimes, when our BPD child realizes they have a problem and decides to get help, things really can get better. For now, though, here is some info that can give you a better idea of how to deal with your troubled daughter:

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

Depression and Suicidal Ideation

Self injury and self harm

I understand how hard all of this is for you; it's frightening and overwhelming when our children hurt so much that they resort to self-harm and suicidal ideation. Every day is difficult, and every night is tearful and sleepless. But please know this: We are here for you, and will help you get through it; tell us more of your story, and ask your questions. We aren't going anywhere   

[Clearmind]

mary93, you have arrived at the right place. We have so many Mom's in the same position as you and many lovely senior members who have BPD children. There is hope and we can help.

[mary93]

Thanks for the replies I am so glad to have found this place it has really helped in the few hours I have found it. I have started reading the Stop walking on eggshells book and it is a great help for the BPD and understanding what has been going on. The suicide attempt and the fact that we were to told to be prepared for probably many more attempts is eating away at me and I fear that my phone will ring. My daughter will still not speak to me this also is very hurtful and she is posting pictures on social media with weird captions which I find very scary, as the last time she did that within 12 hours she attempted suicide.

[pblsn2]

hello mary93 - i just joined the site yesterday and read your post.  my wife and i are in the exact same state as you described except our daughter is 18 and still lives w/ us.  suicide attempts, twice in treatment and released, involved in a gay relat w/ another girl with similar issues.  can't offer encouragement but comforting to finally realize we aren't alone.  i went to MY first counseling session last nite after being told by numerous friends i needed to go.  sobering to say the least.  going to be a long process.  hang in there.

[mary93]

HI pbsln2 glad to meet you (would have preferred under happier circumstances) It is very very hard and I know we are in the right place. I went to therapy yesterday am going to a crisis center this afternoon and am going to a group meeting Wednesday evening. I do believe that the therapy etc and this board might result in also saving my life and sanity. I am so sad to see all these young people in such distress was shocked what I have seen in my daughters hospital visit!