are you having sympyoms of withdrawal?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

after a month of refusing contact from ex BPDg/f i gave and replied i kept it short and to the point. i told here my boundaries for us having contact.

her last message was ten days ago my last reply to her was seven days ago.

day 1 felt great for taking charge of mylife

day 2 new i did the right thing was even kind of relaxed

day 3 wondered if she got the email yet?

day 4 2nd quessing myself rethinking my words

day 5 starting looking for messages from her ever 10 minutes

days 6 and 7 crying alot pain in head and neck are driving me crazy, praying ill her from her soon. havent been able to get anything done at work or home, smoked 3x more then i use to, anxiety gets to the point my chest hurts,

just wondering have others have felt this way?

[simplyasiam]

after a month of refusing contact from ex BPDg/f i gave and replied i kept it short and to the point. i told here my boundaries for us having contact.

her last message was ten days ago my last reply to her was seven days ago.

day 1 felt great for taking charge of mylife

day 2 new i did the right thing was even kind of relaxed

day 3 wondered if she got the email yet?

day 4 2nd quessing myself rethinking my words

day 5 starting looking for messages from her ever 10 minutes

days 6 and 7 crying alot pain in head and neck are driving me crazy, praying ill her from her soon. havent been able to get anything done at work or home, smoked 3x more then i use to, anxiety gets to the point my chest hurts,

just wondering have others have felt this way?

[fromheeltoheal]

Mine took a little longer to manifest, but yes, by shoulder hurt badly for a while, my neck was stiff, no motivation, gloom and doom.  Remember these types of relationships wound us at our core, or rip the scabs off old wounds, and I was blown away as to how much of an impact it had.  It's been over a year for me, and it's no longer about her, hasn't been for a while, and I'm finally seeing it as a blessing.  If you want or need a spotlight shined on your unfinished business a relationship with a BPD is a great way, not that I was looking for that, but it's what I got and what I needed.  I've had the opportunity to look at all of my beliefs and motivations, mired in self doubt for a while, and only now am I starting to get my feet on this new ground.  It feels like I've grown a lot, and aged some too.

But it's early for you.  The main thing is that if the relationship is truly over, stay NC, because any renewed contact will send you back to square one and probably be worse than before.  Good luck to you and stay here.

[willbegood]

yep! I've noticed I go through a tug of war with myself just like I went through a tug of war with the relationship.

The email is like a quick high. You feel good at first then you come down off that high.

I relate this to quitting smoking or any other drug. It's tough at first with highs and lows for a while. And you can only quit when you're ready. I say that with a big chew in my mouth when I know I need to quit. LOL

[simplyasiam]

the stress is letting up a little tonite and thank GOD i have a over load of work coming my way starting in the morning.

[Waifed]

the stress is letting up a little tonite and thank GOD i have a over load of work coming my way starting in the morning.

Because she worked for me until the relationship ended, I have been blessed with the ability to work productively once again after 3 1/2  years of not knowing why I couldn't concentrate. Staying busy helps a ton!  Fortunately, I am able to bring my iPad to work and listen to self help books most of the day.  

The stress is going to come and go. I remember sitting in my office and bursting into tears at the first thought of her and the emptiness she left in my soul.  After a month and a half of NC I no longer am a total basket case. I have even found myself laughing again the past few days!  I almost forgot how to laugh!

[Waifed]

I'm so sick of everyone in my life telling me to just pull my boot straps up when I don't even feel like I have feet!  it feels like I went in for heart surgery and the doctor walked out of the operating room and left me gaping open... .ugh

this is my first time posting on here and I have to tell you that this website has kept me sane

I understand how you feel. I actually made copies of threads on this site that explained what BPD does to non's. I passed them out to family and friends so they could get some sense of what I am going through. I did this after I found myself talking about her and what it does to us.

[eeyore]

absolutely, I have to constantly remind myself of the mean guy and why I chose to leave.  I also have to deal with mutual friends. 

[simplyasiam]

i understand the friends thing, her brother works for me and her dad and i are close and im life long friends with her step dad, so im always hearing littles bit here and there about how shes doing

[eeyore]

That's rough because you would see the brother every working day.  Does he know she's BPD?  What does the family say to you about her behavior?

[UnLuckyLady]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

[simplyasiam]

her brother and i do alot of thing together outside of work. ive told him about the BPD but he just thinks its a act to get her way,

only her mom will admit something is wrong with her. most of her family turn thiers heads to the way she acts after this past blow up becouse ex kept her kids away from her family for weeks.

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

I will try to figure out hoe to link things. I've never done it before.

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

I will try to figure out hoe to link things. I've never done it before.

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

I will try to figure out hoe to link things. I've never done it before.

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf

/fiftyways.html

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

/needlove.html

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

/anycost.html

[Waifed]

To Waifed (love the name... .fitting huh?)

Thanks for your thoughts.  I think that that's a great idea because I cannot make the people around me seem to understand what it is I've been through.  would it at all be possible for you to leave me to those threads that explain what this does to a non?  I think that's an incredible idea and I appreciate you

/waif.html

[simplyasiam]

day 8 very upset, rethinking my boundaries, wanting to unblock her on face book,scared to death, wanting to contact her. 

[UnLuckyLady]

Thank you  SO much... .

[eeyore]

day 8 very upset, rethinking my boundaries, wanting to unblock her on face book,scared to death, wanting to contact her. 

I hope you are staying NC.  Remember, there are no indicators she's made any changes for the better. 

[Traumatized]

Day 4 since she cut me out of her life for good.  The recycling is over.  I'm like a heroin addict whose supply has been cut off.  The withdrawal symptoms are full blown and I'm dying for another hit!  When I'm with her I feel alive!  When I'm not with her I feel dead inside and hopeless, like I do right now.  I have no desire to eat.  My chest hurts.  I'm blinking a lot.  I keep looking at my phone hoping she'll text or call me... .but nothing... .not from her, not from anyone else.

I'm thinking about contacting her mother to tell my side of the story, but if she finds out she will go into a full blown rage.  God only knows what she would do to me then.  For God's sake she threw a drink in my face, beat me and shoved me to the ground over the weekend.  My back still hurts from that!  Not to mention all the intense screaming and interrogating she did to me.  Not to mention that she watched me have a severe panic attack while sitting there laughing and saying I was faking it.  She had no compassion for me whatsoever.  Yet I miss her?

[simplyasiam]

im not in contact with her havent been for 8 day im so freaking shook up over this

[peas]

Simply, maybe there is a "game" you can play with yourself? Or a test? That's how I get through NC. I know the pain of resisting NC or the worse pain of not hearing from them. Believe me. I am 2.5 months NC and a part of me wishes he would text or call.

But I get through it by testing myself. I don't want to fail this test and I feel like I will let myself down if I break NC. So far just knowing I'm passing this test helps me cope.

Also, when I think about breaking NC, and this goes beyond calls, texts or e-mails -- my NC includes not checking his social media accounts or anyone he is connected to and not typing his name into any search engines -- I immediately think about why I feel I need to break NC (what's the real goal?) and how will I handle the outcome, whatever it is. I imagine first that I would get a harsh rejection, which would set me back. Then I imagine, what if he was nice? Then what? But, his last texts to me were requests to leave him alone and he wanted nothing to do with me. So I'm giving him that.

[eeyore]

End goal is to be at peace and healthy.  Can't be at peace and healthy with toxic people in my life.  They have to be kept at a distance.  I can be cordial but that's all.  Healthy boundaries. 

[simplyasiam]

thank you peas. i do the same thing you do. i dont look at her anything anywhere. almost unblocked her on face book to nite, but after thinking it over i could see to many ways that could go bad for me!

i refused all her contact for 28 days then ten days ago she started to beg i replied with my boundaries for contacting me. shes not replied. that gievs me the feeling i will never hear from here again and the r/s is done for ever!  thats whats giving me all the withdrawal feelings

[Waifed]

If you break NC you are starting over again with even more pain. They have likely moved on or else they would be contacting you. Why do you want to be in a relationship that has no chance of ending happily.

Try to accept the situation, forgive your BPD ex, and concentrate on taking care of yourself.

[simplyasiam]

im trying hard to take care of myself and doing a good job of that compaired to where i was six monuths ago.

i didnt ask for all the crazys ways shes found to contact me or did i ask to still have feeling for her, or any of this madness.