Back after a long break

[angieB]

Hello fellow detachers

I used to post on here regularly as I was in an abusive relationship with a BPD man and I needed help to find the strength to leave him. 

I'm ashamed to say I never made the break completely.  We had extended periods of no contact but then one or the other would make contact again (usually me latterly).  And now he has left me for good.  And I feel bereft even though I know it's for the best.   I've been involved with this person for 6 years and during this time there has been so much trauma, not only to do with the relationship, I have been through a lot.  When something difficult happened in my life I looked to him for support.   I know it was fruitless because he was unable to empathise with me and I just ended up feeling angry, hurt and frustrated.

I have seen a counsellor who is urging me to get out and meet new people and I'm trying but it's so hard.  I feel so alone as my friends and family have lost patience with me.

[froggy]

angieB

I'm new here... but welcome back.

Your friends and family might not understand ... but we all do.

Back to square one... .no not square one... .back on track.

I've been married to a BPD man for almost 33 years... .so if you feel stupid for going back for another helping of abuse. ... don't be.

[angieB]

Thank you, Froggy, for your words of kindness.  I feel ashamed because I am so weak.  I need someone to be on my side and support through things I'm going through at this time and my interactions with him in the last few months have served only to highlight how alone I am.

Here there is great understanding and wisdom - it's a lifeline. I'm glad you found your way here. 

[froggy]

Think of it as a relapse. .if you had a drug addiction you were trying to kick you wouldn't give up if you had a relapse. .you'd get back into rehab... .think of us as rehab

You just hit a FOG bank and got lost for a bit... .you'll find yourself and so will I

[Accepting]

It's so like rehab isn't it?

Not that I've been ... .better put that out there 

It surely is a strange cycle to be involved in. And... .it hurts when things happen in your life and you reach out to them and they're unable to support you - even though they've built themselves up to be this person who you could always turn to and count on.

During my time with my ex, I had two funerals for grandparents of mine. Both funerals came shortly after a recycle had finished with 'him'. It made me feel even more spaced on the day of the funerals as I felt the pang of needing comfort even more yet he couldn't offer me any support, he was distanced emotionally at these times from me. They can't give us what they condition us to believe they are there to give us. It is a rollercoaster and I'm sure that in time we will leave our experiences behind as learning curves. It is just going to take a little time.

[Waifed]

Hang in there Angie.  I thought you were going to announce a success story at first. Wishful thinking I know.  It is frustrating when family and friends lose sympathy. They just have know way of knowing the depths of the roller coaster ride. That is what makes this board so special.