Another possible anniversary day without my BPDw

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I just got word from my BPDw who is out of town doing her studies for her second career, that she may be taking 2 additional weekend classes. It turns out that 1 of those days will be our anniversary. While she wasn't pursuing her new career last year, the end result was the same. She is putting more focus on her new career than on us. Oh yes, she told me way back when that there is no us. If I were to voice my opinion about the importance of our anniversary on our anniversary day, she would say that she can't do 2 things at once, be here with me and be at her new class. Also, seeing that she has been so busy with her studies and with her work, I bet she doesn't even remember our anniversary is coming up. By the way, a couple of weeks ago, I bought her some CDs as anniversary presents along with a card. So, to say the least, I am sad, even sadder than before. She wanted to pursue her new career, and if I were to even mention the need of wanting to have a regular relationship, she would do the crying routine and be angry with me for asking her to give our relationship quality time. Bottom line, I am just going to wait and see what she decides, but she more or less is tending to want to take that additional weekend class of 2 weekends along with her regular 2 days of classes. I guess her priorities truly have shifted away from me. If it were I who would do this, she would be extremely upset.  :'(

[Samuel S.]

I just got word from my BPDw who is out of town doing her studies for her second career, that she may be taking 2 additional weekend classes. It turns out that 1 of those days will be our anniversary. While she wasn't pursuing her new career last year, the end result was the same. She is putting more focus on her new career than on us. Oh yes, she told me way back when that there is no us. If I were to voice my opinion about the importance of our anniversary on our anniversary day, she would say that she can't do 2 things at once, be here with me and be at her new class. Also, seeing that she has been so busy with her studies and with her work, I bet she doesn't even remember our anniversary is coming up. By the way, a couple of weeks ago, I bought her some CDs as anniversary presents along with a card. So, to say the least, I am sad, even sadder than before. She wanted to pursue her new career, and if I were to even mention the need of wanting to have a regular relationship, she would do the crying routine and be angry with me for asking her to give our relationship quality time. Bottom line, I am just going to wait and see what she decides, but she more or less is tending to want to take that additional weekend class of 2 weekends along with her regular 2 days of classes. I guess her priorities truly have shifted away from me. If it were I who would do this, she would be extremely upset.  :'(

[Samuel S.]

Well, history is going to repeat itself. My BPDw has chosen to take that class which is on our anniversary. She is very heartless. Under the circumstances, I am thinking to spend overnight somewhere.

[wishfulthinking]

I have no advice.  I just wanted to say I'm very sorry she is doing this to you.  It is awful to care so much and feel like it doesn't even matter.

[Samuel S.]

Thank you, lostinparadise. My day was interspersed with depression and helping my students who helped me in turn in order to be in a better mood. Then, I talked to my BPDw who now says that due to all of her advanced studies for her normal classes, she has decided not to take those additional weekend classes, with one of those coinciding with our anniversary. She didn't mention anything about our anniversary, but it was due to her advanced classes. She says she is going to be needing all of the time to study. So, the emotional rollercoaster ride is not a pretty one at all. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, she can "afford" a little bit of time to celebrate with me, but it will probably result in an exchange of gifts, and she will go into her shelter of her room, close the door, and study for the entire day. Time will tell. It would just be nice, if we could have a full day together, but I think she is too afraid of being close. In contrast to even 5 years ago, she has gone from being able to compromise to being self-centered.  :'(