I ended every relationship because my opinions didn't matter

[Perfidy]

On my behavior with relationships. I have recycled twice in my life. Once was with my ex wife whom I share children with. Once was with a lady I wanted to marry. I lived to regret both.

I have ended almost every relationship that I was ever in. The only one that was not my choice was the last. My dBPDexgf. She destroyed herself with drugs sadly enough I stood by and did nothing. Might have even harmed her more by enabling.

I guess I am trying to say that I have to wonder sometimes about myself. I ended the relationships that I was in because I felt that my opinions didn't matter to my partners and that either I wasn't being treated as an equal or that personal boundaries weren't being respected.

I didn't always care how hurt the other person was at the end and to them it might have been hurtful. I just wonder if any of them hurt as bad as I did when this relationship ended. There has been a communication from my BPDex in the last few days (I didn't respond) that has pulled me back into a certain amount of crap and got me digging again. Looking inside of my self. Wondering how badly I may have hurt others emotionally.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Perfidy, Don't beat yourself up!  Those w/BPD have a serious disorder which is way beyond our ability to help or heal. Maybe you are taking on more responsibility than you need to.  Give yourself a break!  Lucky Jim

[happylogist]

Perfidy,

I also wonder sometimes, I think in my case I am trying to find the karmic explanation of my hurt, trying to realize whether I caused pain to someone before and did not notice that.

[catsprt]

I understand, I have this "friendship" that I keep recycling for all the wrong reasons ... .on the other hand I can tell you of all those moments where I wished I had been somewhere else.

If I consider the other side, I was the rejected one more than a few times ... .that hurt, but I am grateful that each time, the person was sincere enough to reject me.

... .I have not been sincere with this "not-so-friend" for a long time, I have not been sincere with myself either ... .

And now I need to end this relationship that does not work for me and I may hurting the other person at least as much as if I had done this six or twelve months ago... .

Friendship is not relationship ... .but in both cases, if you feel that your opinion does not matter, you need to at least feel that this is what you like otherwise this friendship or relationship is doomed sooner or later.