Found my reading material.

[dawnjd]

I have reading material on relationships, self improvement and PBD. SO saw my "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book. I don't think he read the subtitle or connected it to PBD. But he saw the title and said, "THERE! I always feel like I am walking on eggshells with you!"

Now anything comes up, like I want to express my feelings or something I would like done a certain way, he throws up his hands and yells, "I"M HAVING TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU AGAIN!"

 seriously? I mean, I can understand why he might feel that way. I see him this way with so many people. He is so busy trying to figure out how to act, behave, call, talk be around a person so they will like him. His biggest fear is that someone won't like him or be mad at him. So of COURSE he is walking on eggshells! But to throw that at me all the time... .and not even read the book.

Just putting this out there. Anyone else have this happen?

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[bpbreakout]

LOL  !

If I have an issue in our relationship and I raise it, it is guaranteed to come back and haunt me a week or two later with the exact same "accusation". I used to think it was a coincidence but I'm sure BPDw stores these things up and looks for ways to throw them back at me, especially when they hit a raw nerve. The last one was me pointing out BPDw's rude and overbearing tone of voice she often uses, constant shouting across the house and the the fact that she doesn't use words like excuse me, please and thank you. I guess in a sense the fact that it's come back to haunt me is a wierd kind of sign that my message got through. In many ways it's not a major problem as when I get hauled up for not saying thank you I do smile to my self & if I'm overbearing or shouting across the house I really don't mind it being pointed out and I'm happy to back off, no one is perfect & I don't want to be the kind of person that is rude and shouts anyway.

If your SO guenuinely feels he is having to walk on eggshells around you the best thing he can do is read the book and use some of the advice in it to improve your relationship and his life. I assume if he had been seriously concerned about the situation he would have been the one that got off his **** and purchased the book in the first place, which is what I assume you did. It sounds as the book is threatening in some way.

I guess it means you can now read the book whenever you want and not have to worry about him finding out as he now knows.

Good luck !

[dawnjd]

LOL, it is kind of funny once I step back and look at it. I have often wondered if his reading the book would help him respond to me and others better.

I am just waiting for the diagnostic accusations to hit me if he actually reads the book. "SEE SEE YOU ARE BPD!"

OR

He gets depressed and down on himself, "I can't believe you see me this way. I am not the horrible person you think I am."

The book has taught me a lot, not just with BPD, but dealing with people in general. Being rural, country, we are surrounded by a very male dominated community and I am finding the validation does wonders to work with men who like to talk down to me. Also, since I work with kids alot, some of the interactions in the book have helped me navigate kiddo tantrums with more poise.

[an0ught]

It is not atypical that a pwBPD is highly sensitive. So walking on eggshells my be on both sides for different reasons

• pwBPD - highly sensitive



• non - subject to extreme reactions

Some communication about communication can be helpful. Although SWE may not be the best book being read by a pwBPD as it is likely to be triggering. "The High Conflict Couple" (see book reviews) is better suited to be read by both sides as it takes a non judgmental position and focuses on communication.

It may be worth keeping in mind that some aspects of BPD are not very conductive to reading (impulsive, splitting, b&w thinking etc.) and building a balanced comprehensive picture in the mind. We may get confronted with headlines like "Walking on eggshells" or selective quotes and this is obviously not helpful.

I am just waiting for the diagnostic accusations to hit me if he actually reads the book. "SEE SEE YOU ARE BPD!"

OR

He gets depressed and down on himself, "I can't believe you see me this way. I am not the horrible person you think I am." 

It may be worth thinking about your limits - what you discuss and what you won't discuss with him. Some topics are triggering. Some topics are constructive like becoming clearer on both sides what is validating, what is invalidating and changing the balance to the former.

[empath]

I smiled when I read your post. My uBPDh says he feels like he is walking on eggshells around me all the time. Mainly because he thinks that I might be mad or angry at him about something most of the time -- regardless of what I say. I am generally a quiet and peaceful person, so his feelings are his own inner mental/emotional issues. I can certainly understand why he feels that way when he is afraid of making me (or anyone else mad).

I can't imagine having the physical book -- thinking that an electronic version might be a better choice

[waverider]

To a degree a pwBPD does walk on eggshells, but for different reasons. Their facade is important to them, it is their defense for not having their demons exposed. The problem is they attempt to walk on eggshells whilst wearing hob nailed boots. They just dont have the awareness to be consitant with it. High functioning pwBPD can do it effectively in certain situations, but the strain of maintaining it vents itself out on those close to them.

You do it to prevent unpleasant consequences

They do it to prevent exposure.

You do it around them

They do it around others

[lena7]

LOL my hBPD tells me the eggshells lines pretty often