Taking a sabbatical..triggering my mother?

[zubizou87]

Hey guys!

So I've been thinking about my future, I only want to stay at my current job for one more year and then go back to school. I had an amazing time in Europe this summer and i have been thinking of doing a sabbatical for a year before I start my studies. I could learn a new language, work part time and enjoy some time in an interesting city while I'm free and unattached. I've worked it all out and If I teach summer school I can afford to do it without putting too much of a dent in my savings.

The problem that is really triggering my worries is that this idea really excites my mother it has set off her three warning flags

-Trying to put me in a situation where I am financially/ emotionally vulnerable

-Putting me in a situation where I am working a job that doesn't reflect my intelligence

-Putting me in a situation where I have no plans for the future.

So in response to me romanticising this idea of living in Europe for a year she has sort of attempted to involve herself in the plans, it seems that BPDs like to try and move things into their direction of interest when the cement of an idea is still wet.

So she very casually says to me on Facebook ':)on't do a masters' like it's a command, a really domineering but casual command (ummm... what the hell?) what on earth does she mean 'don't do a masters?' how dare she even say such a stupid ******* thing to me? I hate the way she still tries to control my life turning it into such a negative direction. How am I going to go into the career field I want without this masters degree? She's a complete idiot! gahhhh sorry rant over

The point is she isn't thinking she's aiming some wrecking balls at my life, when I said I wanted my part time job to be teaching because it pays well she said I should work behind a perfume counter (because she thinks I'm a silly bimbo, no offence to anybody who does this job but that's what she's implying when she suggests I do low skilled jobs like that even though I'm a graduate in my mid twenties.)

I know she's taking this temporary lapse in my defensiveness to be a sign that she can make me weak and vulnerable and it scares me. I know what she wants, she wants me to run out of money so I have to move back in with her so she can abuse me until I eventually feel so bad about myself I commit suicide, which serves me right for ever stopping being a vulnerable baby she could look after forever... .

gah sorry for the essay she just really really made me angry today, she's been acting so normal recently almost like a normal mum and now she's gone back to being her psycho self.

[GeekyGirl]

How exciting! I like your spirit of adventure.

So look at it this way: would you regret it someday if you don't do the sabbatical? If so, as difficult as it is to ignore your mother's comments, it's worth at least exploring the idea of living in Europe for a year. You've said that this is a good time for you and there are some good opportunities to grow, so what would stop you from going?

I know it's hard to tune out the "wet blanket" comments your mother is making. Still, what you do from here is up to you. Can you think of a way to explain to your mother what you intend to do that addresses her concerns but reiterates that you're going to do what you think is in your best interest? Is it possible that she's jealous that you have this opportunity?

[zubizou87]

Hey GG

I really think I would regret it if I didn't take this sabbatical, when I was getting ready to leave the city this summer I actually cried a few times... .thats saying a lot I'm a very controlled person. I haven't wanted something this strongly since I can't remember when, I think I could be very happy there, I know I would. I think it's my city.

I know my mother is very jealous and will probably try and take over the project in any way she can but since I'm financing it myself she's not going to have much power and if she does try I will ignore her advice unless she gives me guidance a normal mother would.

[sophiegirl]

Hey great plan. Do what you want to do, its got nothing to do with your mother! Stick to your plans and make them work you will have fun. As for mother, well I've found when I've done things like that, once I'm gone she's fine - sure theres a heap of **** in the lead up, but let this strengthen your resolve to escape for a while. Good luck!

[GeekyGirl]

I know my mother is very jealous and will probably try and take over the project in any way she can but since I'm financing it myself she's not going to have much power

What's stopping you then?  This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you, and it's something that you might not get to do again.

Your mother's jealousy is her own. That's her issue, and as much as I know it stinks that she can't be happy for you, you can't let her issue drag you down.   

[zubizou87]

Yes you're right I shall go on the sabbatical and enjoy myself!

thank you for your advice