help with coping and staying

[Nicky2001]

Hi all. I hav been with my partner 12 year and we hav 2 children. He has not been diagnosed with BPD but im sure this is the problem. He leaves around sept every yr and comes home after xmas and during this time constantly tells me he does not want to be with me or get back with me. He will contact me regularly for sex but any other conversations tend to be ignored. He will go a few days if I ignore him then will start to engage in conversation with me but then when I try to contact hm, he will ignore me. Its a complete emotional whi4lwind for me and I am finding it difficult. I am starting to understand BPD needs and characteristics etc since reading up lately. And I love him with all my heart and want to be with him. He is not violent. The main problem I have is him leavjng with no explanation othrr than he cannot cope with this anymore. He doednt work I do. He goes out when he wants and comes in when he wants. He doesnt spend alot of time with our children and I am at my wits end. I never know where I stand and feel I cant cope anymore but at the same time know tomorrow i could feel as though i can do this for me him and the kids that i can cope and make this work. Any advice about this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanx. Xx

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

He leaves around sept every yr and comes home after xmas and during this time constantly tells me he does not want to be with me or get back with me. He will contact me regularly for sex but any other conversations tend to be ignored. He will go a few days if I ignore him then will start to engage in conversation with me but then when I try to contact hm, he will ignore me.

Hi Nicky,

Sounds like you're going through a difficult time and I'm saddened to hear that.

I'm a little unclear about what is happening and hope you don't mind my asking... .  Does your husband live somewhere else during these months?  If he doesn't work, how can he afford to do this?

Are you familiar with: BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

Hang in there!  We're here to support you.

[Nicky2001]

He stays with friends. Whoever will hav him. We are not married... .not for the want of me trying... .but he doesnt work and does what he can to make money. Mainly selling things he shudnt be i.e weed. Which also means he has a constant supply for himself which makes matters worse. It is like having another child with him. But there is no telling and no way to make him see. He had told me tonight he wants nothing more to do with me and i can only contact him about the kids. Then came to a firework display with us, was like a perfect family. Gave me a cuddle before leaving and txt me to say nite. Which is the 1st time in months. My head doesnt know where its at with him at the min.  xx