Very Frustrated

[BlackOrWhite]

My BPD contacted me today with a sexual email. Two. I didn't respond right away cause I didn't see them.

Just as I was about to respond I got an email back saying " I just said that to prove a point. I don't want you. It's just fantasies. You broke everything. You win. Your too crazy to handle. Stop contacting me so I can move on lets act like adults. "

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN CONTACTING HER! WTH? Than " act like adult "

YOU JUST SENT ME A SEX EMAIL!

REALLY?

What the heck. Ugh.

[fromheeltoheal]

A borderline can cycle through the stages of BPD 'love' quickly near and at the end of a relationship, there are no rules, and things can get very, very crazy.  You know this.  Clearly those texts and email rattled you, as they did me at the end.  :)on't know how you left it with her, but at the very least you can use technology to block and/or delete communications from her, there is nothing rational about it and nothing good can come of it, and just reading them, hell just seeing her name in your inbox, can triggered you with feelings you don't want.  If you're newly split and still emotionally enmeshed, you need to do those things to detach enough and get your feet on the ground.  Stay strong!

[MammaMia]

Black

You are being manipulated with the sexual e-mail, and she probably thinks she has been rejected because you did not respond immediately.  She was looking for a reaction from you.

It is the classic "I am going to leave you before you leave me" issue.  I am in  control.

I do not know what your feelings are about your BPD relationship.  If you want out, do not reply.  If it is over stay NC.  Nothing you can say will be right.

Be careful not to get sucked back in.  Consider blocking her messages.

[BlackOrWhite]

Thank you guys very much. I'm just wonder WHY do this? I mean if she wants NO contact so badly, why would she send an email like that?

We haven't been taking n than all of a sudden it's like a email out of nowwhere. I'm just mean what you say and say what you mean.

If you really don't want to talk to me than block my email! Than block my number! Than don't follow me on instagram.

Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I feel like she is just saying that do hurt me, make a point or change something?

I don't get it.


I'm not sure if I want contact or not. But if she is so sure she doesn't why is she contacting me to say don't contact me?

And than say sexual hit was to make a "point " that doesn't seem right.

[EdR]

My BPD contacted me today with a sexual email. Two. I didn't respond right away cause I didn't see them.

Just as I was about to respond I got an email back saying " I just said that to prove a point. I don't want you. It's just fantasies. You broke everything. You win. Your too crazy to handle. Stop contacting me so I can move on lets act like adults. "

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN CONTACTING HER! WTH? Than " act like adult "

YOU JUST SENT ME A SEX EMAIL!

REALLY?

What the heck. Ugh.

I hated that. No. I STILL hate that. When I was ready to let everything go (multiple times), who contacted me? Who wanted help/attention/whatever? Yes. It was HER.

She messaged me once in a weird, imo inappropiate way and I didn't take the bait and remained collected. I still continued the conversation, but probably not the way she wanted it.

A little afterwards I got the Silent Treatment for 6 months. Didn't get the message then (ok... pun intended). Thanks to your post, I now seem to have found out the reason. YEAH  :'(

Leave the confusion. Get out of it. Although I seemingly can't... you must! :-)

[fromheeltoheal]

Thank you guys very much. I'm just wonder WHY do this? I mean if she wants NO contact so badly, why would she send an email like that?

We haven't been taking n than all of a sudden it's like a email out of nowwhere. I'm just mean what you say and say what you mean.

If you really don't want to talk to me than block my email! Than block my number! Than don't follow me on instagram.

Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I feel like she is just saying that do hurt me, make a point or change something?

I don't get it.


I'm not sure if I want contact or not. But if she is so sure she doesn't why is she contacting me to say don't contact me?

And than say sexual  was to make a "point " that doesn't seem right.

It is not rational, it is a serious mental illness.  Take that in: serious mental illness.  Trying to make sense of it will drive you crazy; you can probably relate.

Of course I don't know your situation, but the fact that you landed on this site indicates you are seeing similarities here and connecting.  Best guess is she's feeling something she doesn't want to feel, probably shame, and so she's turning to you to soothe.  it has nothing to do with you BTW, but if she can cast off some blame and get a reaction from you, she wins, not that she's primarily trying to hurt you, she's primarily trying to feel better.  This is the part of the relationship that can be very hurtful, and I recommend you disconnect on the way to getting your feet on the ground.  In time the focus will shift from her to you, and why you got in so deep to begin with, but for now, focus on disconnecting entirely, any communication will send you spinning.

[BlackOrWhite]

You guys she just sent me a bunch of emails saying all this stuff should I respond or is it a game?

[ShadowDancer]

My BPD contacted me today with a sexual email. Two. I didn't respond right away cause I didn't see them.

Just as I was about to respond I got an email back saying " I just said that to prove a point. I don't want you. It's just fantasies. You broke everything. You win. Your too crazy to handle. Stop contacting me so I can move on lets act like adults. "

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN CONTACTING HER! WTH? Than " act like adult "

YOU JUST SENT ME A SEX EMAIL!

REALLY?

What the heck. Ugh.

Mine did that stuff too. You lucked out. That final "your too crazy" text came in the nick of time. You DID NOT RESPOND! It is NOT A GAME. It's a recycle! Watch your back. NO COMMUNICATION... .unless of course you think perchance the sex will be worth the price.

[fromheeltoheal]

You guys she just sent me a bunch of emails saying all this stuff should I respond or is it a game?

It depends.  If in your mind the relationship is over and you're parting ways, no you should not respond, in fact for your own sanity you shouldn't read them in the first place.

It's not a game, she's trying to soothe, and probably feeling abandonment trauma, and you're getting an extinction burst.  If you stay gone and don't play, she will end up having a lot more respect for you than if you cave in.  It's the push/pull nature of the disorder, and you cannot make rational sense of it.  For something to do while you're not responding, check out the articles on the disorder on this site, it will clear some things up and help you understand.

[ShadowDancer]

 

You guys she just sent me a bunch of emails saying all this stuff should I respond or is it a game?

It depends.  If in your mind the relationship is over and you're parting ways, no you should not respond, in fact for your own sanity you shouldn't read them in the first place.

It's not a game, she's trying to soothe, and probably feeling abandonment trauma, and you're getting an extinction burst.  If you stay gone and don't play, she will end up having a lot more respect for you than if you cave in.  It's the push/pull nature of the disorder, and you cannot make rational sense of it.  For something to do while you're not responding, check out the articles on the disorder on this site, it will clear some things up and help you understand.

[GreenMango]

BoW

It sounds like she's already having a conversation with you in her head without your participation. Responding to this at this point might reinforce these attempts to get your attention.

I just want to throw in that yes they are maddening.  It can be awe inspiring to see.  It is how this person knows how to cope.   Usually the reason these shenanigans worked and the relationship kept going was because we engaged in equally immature ways - defying our princioles and tossing aside our own boundaries violating ourselves. 

I'm not saying to contact or not contact but maybe think about what you would say if you were to respond and what the goal would be?  How can you weather this doing what is right for you so you don't feel like you got sandbagged?

[BlackOrWhite]

Thanks everyone. It was a lot of back and worth since than. Up and down through email messages. I wonder if she isn't more Nacky than BPD. I mean both of course but the way she seems to constantly put me down and make her self look normal and perfect is really weird.

Do you ever feel like you're never good enough around certain people? It's like you make one mistake and that is all you're remembered as?


They say that hate you, they say leave me alone, yet they are always there. Whatever I guess.

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks everyone. It was a lot of back and worth since than. Up and down through email messages. I wonder if she isn't more Nacky than BPD. I mean both of course but the way she seems to constantly put me down and make her self look normal and perfect is really weird.

Do you ever feel like you're never good enough around certain people? It's like you make one mistake and that is all you're remembered as?

That is a good example of the dysfunctional dance we do.  She projects all her crap on you and presents herself as perfect, borderline and narcissistic traits.  You go to never good enough and are constantly treading water; insecurity and low self esteem that she probably pegged at the beginning and uses it against you, recognizable to me because the same thing happened in my relationship.

They say that hate you, they say leave me alone, yet they are always there. Whatever I guess.

Borderline push/pull.  Time to set some boundaries on the outskirts of crazytown; not a nice place to live.

[slimmiller]

They say that hate you, they say leave me alone, yet they are always there. Whatever I guess.

They are wired wrong... .  Its like when they were intitially programmed something went wrong. They look for validation. She only needs you to acknowledge her existance. It dont matter if you scream at her at the top of your lungs or curse her out in the worst manner. IT dont matter to her. What DOES matter is that you acknowledge that she EXISTS. Thats all that matters because when you do that you are validating her in her mind. Thats all she wants. She is not contacting you for ANY other reason. Its about her. Not you

When you engage in any manner or dialogue it will sap and drain you emotionally but she dont care. She is sucking life out of you and that is all she is after. Its like a leach that drains and weakens its host. In the end, she will once agin detach and leave you to gain your strength back.

Acknowledging her existance WILL cost you in some manner and WILL benefit her in some manner.

The dance never changes unless we have the strength to change it.

[MammaMia]

Blackandwhite

Her ability to hurt you is why NC is so important.  It is a tool you can use to protect yourself.  Sometimes it is the only thing that works.  No visits, no calls, no e-mails, no texts. 

You are ALLOWING her to continue to abuse you.  While you cannot control what she says, you do NOT have to listen to it.  You have the power to change this. 

Think about it.

[BlackOrWhite]

Thanks All.