Heartache in Colorado

[cowboy joe]

My wife and I are retired educators.  We raised two daughters and now have three grandchildren.  Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with  BPD when she was eighteen years old.  She had always been a difficult child and was acting out as a teenager and also developed an eating disorder.  After much soul-searching, we sent her to a adolescent treatment facility when she was fifteen years old. She lived with us for a while after she was discharged, but then went out on her own. She returned home pregnant when she was in her early twenties and she lived with us for most of the next twenty years.  We helped her raise her son, who we love very much, and helped her earn her BA and MA in psychology.  We never charged her any rent and purchased several cars for her. For the most part, we had a close and loving relationship with her. She has worked quite successfully as a social worker for the past five years.  Unfortunately, she has launched a distortion campaign against me and has accused me and my wife of being abusive parents when she and her sister were growing up.  She has also managed to recruit her younger sister in this effort and as a result, our family has completely fallen apart. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that our younger daughter will not allow me to see her children. We were dedicated parents and our daughters and grandchildren were the focus of our life. Neither of our daughters had ever accused us of any kind of abuse until the distortion campaign began.  My wife and I are working hard to adjust to life without them, but it is still difficult at times, but it seems to get a little easier each day. I feel blessed to have found this website to be able to share our sorrow and heartache.  I look forward to communicating with all of you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Cowboy joe



I'm so sorry, that must be so hard on you and your wife. To be cut off from you children and grandchildren, I can't even imagine it. I'm glad you found you're way here, though. This is a place with a lot of supportive members and workshops and articles that may offer you some healing or at least a way forward.

How is your wife doing?

Do you have a support group around you to talk to?

Therapy is also a good way to go, many of us here have benefited from it.

I hope you keep posting, we're all here for you

Scarlet Phoenix

[peaceplease]

Cowboy Joe,

  I would like to join Scarlet Phoenix in welcoming you.  I was happy when I first discovered this site, too.  I have a daughter, age 29, that I suspect has BPD.

I am so sorry that you are estranged from your grandchildren.  That is so heartbreaking!  I am sorry that you are being falsely accused of abuse.

When a child suffers from BPD, not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.


Please let us know how we can best support you.  Or, you may want to come over and join us at the parents board.

peaceplease

[suchsadness]

Hello Cowboy Joe.

I'm so sorry for your situation and can completely understand how you are feeling... .as I am in the same boat.  My BPD dd36 started a raging campaign against me claiming many false accusations and eventually told me I was dead to her and my 2 grandsons.  She went no contact with me for over 5 months.  I have been seeing a therapist to help me through all of this and doing a lot of praying about it as well.  My dd did finally contact me and I am taking a slow "mindfull" approach to rebuilding our relationship.  Sometimes taking a break from the chaos and trying to rescue, help, or fix things for the ones we love so much is better than staying in it and trying to figure it all out on our own.

Please take care of yourself first and know that you have the truth on your side.  It is such a deep hurt when being accused of awful things from our children, especially when we have done nothing but love them, support them, and want them to be happy!

[BioAdoptMom3]

Though I cannot offer any advice because our BPD child is 14 and still at home, I wanted to welcome you to our little support group!  This site has been tremendously helpful to me too as my DH and I struggle with the day to day trials of having a child diagnosed with BPD traits.  Based on everything I have read on this board, your situation sounds quite common for parents dealing with this disorder in their child(ren).  We will be here for you to offer all the empathy and support we can!

By the way, I too just retired from teaching, this past June!

[cowboy joe]

I would like to than everyone who responded to my post.  It is reassuring to know that there are caring people out there that are experiencing the same thing with a child and we are experiencing.