A thank you

[LivingLearning]

I wanted to thank this board for all it's done for me. It's been quite a ride, and I've already learned so much.

People working with doing their best on sharing their experience. And doing their best in general. All of us, I figure.

So I met with my BPD ex last night and had a really hard night. Yet I came out of it much better. More closure, ( for now  we'll see.

Some interesting knowledge about myself, and a growing compassion for my ex, and also a sense of caring a bit less about her- and by that I mean not as a human being, but more as someone who I seem to give so much disproportionate weight to in terms of how i feel.

[LivingLearning]

Since I was hoping to hear something and haven't, figured I'd write something to me. This is a practice I've done before. If write greeting cards to myself:

Living learning:

Wow, that's really great. It sounds like you've learned so much. And I'd be careful? It's easy to think things are all okay inside you, and they may not be. And yet, I'd also say, maybe you also have turned a corner. I've seen you work so hard on yourself. Well done . Now you can relax into the rewards for that integrity.

[fiddlestix]

I agree. This board has given me a sense of community.  These folks understand that this breakup is not "normal."  This breakup has been hazy and weird.  Even now my stbex is dragging her feet with divorce proceedings... .even though it seemed she was the one who wanted out of the marriage!  Push, pull... . it comforts me to know that you all "get it" when I whine. Lol

I am grateful for this group.  Thank you all :-)

Fiddlestix

[Surnia]

So I met with my BPD ex last night and had a really hard night. Yet I came out of it much better. More closure, ( for now  we'll see.

Some interesting knowledge about myself, and a growing compassion for my ex, and also a sense of caring a bit less about her- and by that I mean not as a human being, but more as someone who I seem to give so much disproportionate weight to in terms of how i feel.

Great! And thank you for sharing it. 

[LivingLearning]

Thanks for the reply. Push, pull. It seems to be so much of what i deal with lately. Hope that goes okay for you.

I notice for me I drink alcohol more when I feel this. ( well that's a first confession for memos this board ) it seems to dull the pain, and also access some primal emotional release. So I've been cutting back and my goal is to get to 0-1 drinks a day. Sorry to make this a lot about me:). But heck, been thinking a lot about me lately.

[LivingLearning]

Thank you surnia.

[Surnia]

Cutting back alcohol sounds like a good plan, LL.

Drinking is a fast and short relief with the price of tunnel view, depression or other things... .

But heck, been thinking a lot about me lately.

I can so relate. My shattered marriage with my exh brought me pain and a lot of insight about myself.

You are welcome! 

[fiddlestix]

I have never been a drinker. But I confess that I have been smoothing the rough edges with booze as well.  Only one glass of wine tonight, though... .for health benefits .

It's ok to share about yourself.  We all have so many similar details anyway... .There seems to be a lot of textbook predictibility from one pwBPD to another.  To see my ex's behavior displayed in so many of the stories on here helps me not take it so personally.  So, keep sharing.

Fiddlestix

[Learning_curve74]

Hi LivingLearning! 

I think you made an interesting observation about how you may be more compassionate towards your ex but don't have the weight of feeling towards them as much any more. Was there anything in particular the brought you to this point?

As far as drinking alcohol goes, a little goes a long way.    The first weekend away from my exgf, I was out with friends and getting dangerously close to drunk, and luckily they are great friends and discouraged me from getting totally smashed. 

[RecycledNoMore]

How long did it take you to turn that corner Ln L?, im just starting my journey here, Id like to be in your shoes one day ... .

Congratulations, im envious in the sincerest way, and hopefull... .

[LivingLearning]

Yeah, cutting back alcohol is a plan for me, but it's more for health reasons. I see it similar to any other drug that a doc prescribes, and I've used it and it helps me, I actually think it can relax me and gives me the opposite of tunnel vision. All things have pluses and minuses. People put a lot of energy on "alcohol", I prefer to think of it like anything else - too much or the wrong timing can be counter-productive.

LearningCurve and RecycledNOmore, nice to hear your questions!

"anything in particular that brought me to that point?" hmmm... .Not sure. I read a ton of self-help books and do many practices, but I'd want to look over the guidelines for this site before I mention any. I also want to think about that more.

In some ways I think it had to do with creating a sense of observation of things. Separating enough from my stories about people (parents, ex's), almost discussing the past in the third person. I also came to really have much more faith in listening to my gut. That it's okay to think I'm right, and see her as abusive in some ways. And realizing that I can still love her, and don't necessarily need sadness or anger to make choices.