will it always be this way?

[RecycledNoMore]

Saw a guy in town, friend from way back, he asked for my number, I gave it to him, now he is texting me, god I feel sick, why do I feel like im cheating?, I knew I shouldnt have given it, but we used to be friends, and im trying to reconnect, as I dont really have any, why do I feel bad? He complimented me on how good I looked, why does it make me feel bad? I feel so down about this, am I making to big of a deal, Ive already told him im not intereset in dating, because I felt luke he was suggesting something, arg will it always be this way? Why is this so hard?

[ShadowDancer]

This too will pass.

[bruisedbattered]

time heals all wounds...  you are still healing, as am I.   I know now I am super-sensitive to any sign of mental disorder now when I speak with women,  Id say an over-sensitive emotional basket case...  ive become very volatile with very little tolerance for any kind of crazy... .  Hopefully we'll heal sooner than later.   hang in there.  

[Bit Lost]

I know what you mean that you feel like you're cheating because you've probably been brainwashed into thinking you're the bad one for talking to members of the opposite sex and you must be talking to them for a reason because A) you either want something from them or more to the point B) that person of the opposite sex obviously wants something from you. My ex could never grasp the concept of men and women ever being friends. The jealousy that oozed from him stank to high heaven. I always made a point to him I was his girlfriend no one else's and that men could try and chat me up but I would never be interested in them because I loved him so much but that was still never enough because the ugly green eyed jealousy monster would rear it's ugly head a lot.

[RecycledNoMore]

abit lost, I agree, he was intensely jelous, while I was studying his class was right next to mine, he was always checking through the glass to see who I was talking to, it became very uncomfortable, amd made it hard to connect with people, everybody would be laughing and joking, and I was the loner, then at break time, hed be dripping with jelousy, he also " stank to high heaven" with it, didnt matter how I tried to reassure him, nothing worked.

@batterednbruised  thanks for the encouragement, sometimes I just really need to hear those words, " time heals all wounds" I do strongly believe that, its just some days bnb, it seams as if the mountain is so high,and barely managing to hold on... .roll on tomorrow, a new day


,@ shadow, " this too will pass", Ive no idea why but I read that and want to cry, thats a lie, I am crying, and Im tired of hiding my real feelings, so tired,it sounds like something my dad would say when he was alive

X

[Lady31]

Recyclednomore,

Can't say exactly why it makes you feel so bad.  I know for me it made me realize more that I was moving on, and talking to other people... .other men.  It was kind of like a stronger dose of reality that shouted "it's over" in neon lights.  :'(  At some point I was going to have to do the whole dating scene again if I didn't want to be alone because I wasn't getting my man, my HUSBAND, back.  Yeah - doing better, but still not touching the dating scene.  And even those exchanges with men that show interest like you mentioned that were NOT me being on the dating scene still put it in my face.  And then, the attention and interest of handsome, caring men was also flattering - have to hold on tight to my mind there so I don't start feeling all bi-polar.

Side note: Maybe your dad was giving you some words of wisdom and comfort through Shadow on that one.    It is all going to be okay!

[Waifed]

RNM

Time is not on your side yet.  You (we all) will get there.  I wonder if some of it is also the subconscious or even conscious (but refusing to admit it) thought that just maybe things with BPD ex will rekindle and be magically better.  Letting go of that has to be one of the hardest things and probably one of the last steps towards healing.

I got a nice private message from someone last night regarding one of my other posts.  He is well over a year post breakup.  He said he is doing great now and has been dating someone for a while and his ex is a distant memory.  He said he comes back to the boards occasionally to check things out but he is fully healed and has been since he was around 10 months out of the relationship.  I was very encouraged by his message and suggested that he post on the boards as a way of helping us and answering questions like yours. 

I think the key is time. 

[mitchell16]

recycledNOmore, I know what you mean. I went out with a lady this week for my b-day. Just a nice dinner as friends and maybe more down the road. Nothing to quick. I no sooner got sit down and ordered and in wlalks my exBPDgf best friend. First thing that went through my mine was I felt like I was cheating. It ruined my whole night but the next day. I just said screw it in my mind and tried to put it behind and I havent felt bad since. and i will be having dinner with this lady again. You will get past it in time and everybodyies time is diffrent.

[RecycledNoMore]

Thanks you guys, logically I know your right, about time, healing our wounds, and seeing the neon sign that says it really over, and yes a little part of me hoped this would somehow magically get better.

...

But,I know it wont, deep down, a few hours ago, I was trying to wrte a reply, and who should should msg me? The uBPD, yet another fake fb profile,he called me fake then asked me how I was doing, and how was my friend,( a guy in my class, 1 of many who stood up to him, the uBPD had come to " shame me" they all told him to bugger off), of course now the uBPD thinks I ve slept with all of them), anyway, it struck me as so very sad that he could insult me, ask about my wellbeing and insinuate impropriety all in one sentence, it illustrated just how mixed up he is, I just felt so sad for him, the last time I ever saw him, I had just filed for the restraining order and was waiting in the library to go back to the lawyer and finalise it, the uBPD turned up there, hed walk past me and whisper " this isint over b****", " im going to get u b****", I stood my ground and said nothing, he walked off, then turned toward me his arms outstretched, like a child wanting a hug, his head was cocked to one side and he looked so innocent, I shook my head, and he stormed off,flipping me the finger as he reached the door... .

Somebody in another thread said" I fking hate BPD", I agree wholeheartdly, im finally begining too see what life is like for them, I wouldnt wish BPD on my worst enemy.

[Bit Lost]

@recycled... .I almost got a restraining order last week... .but do they ever work? It seems to me that wouldn't stop them from doing what they wanted anyway as rules and regulations I think mean nothing to them.

Your ex sounds so similar to mine... .are they one and the same person !

[RecycledNoMore]

Hey abit lost, hmm good question , I think it depends on where your at in the r/ s, my ex have been at this sham of a r/ s for 8 years now, its hard to sustain, I dont know about him but Im exhausted, cant take it anymore, my uBPDx has not Phisically been " served" the order yet, he left town the day I got it, but he knows theres one , On friday my lawyer applied to the court to have some sort of substitution where his mum would be given the paperwork, and she would notify him, even though she knows where he is etc, he now has 3 months to defend it( why u would defend a p/ o on somebody u hate I dunno), if he chooses not to, the order will become final.You really got me thinking abitlost, he has txt me this am at 3, just one letter( C ), he msgd me lastnight on fake fb profile,I think it all depends on the BPD, in what stage their at in their lives, hes just fishing at the moment, but what will that turn into? So does the R/O work?  Not really, its all still centred around the BPDs state of mind, he has no boundries, if he really wanted to he could " end me" like he always threatened, I just dont know.

Hay Abitlost, cripes! Im sending U a hug if your ex is like mine, whats happening with you guys are you ok?, im not triying to discourage you at all from getting an r/ o , Ive had sweet, sweet peace for the last two weeks, time that Ive had to be able to get out of the FOG, its been invaluable, how are you doing?

[Jbt857]

It takes time,I guess.

I say 'I guess' because I'm not there yet. I was with my BPDex for almost 10 years, married for 8 1/2. I called time on us in February. We are now (just) divorced. He replaced me pretty quick, which devastated me, especially as he was still making me believe we may have a future while he was with her.

I still cannot even contemplate being with someone else. I went on a few first dates over the summer, but they only served to reinforce that I'm not anywhere near ready. It's a lot of years of damage to heal.

I go out with my girlfriends, there are guys who check me out, but I shut it down straight away. The idea of actually flirting with a guy - I just couldn't. Yet.

As Shadowdancer said - it will pass. It just takes time. We aren't BPD, so flicking that mental switch isn't an option for us. Nor would it be healthy if we could.

Give it time. Hang in there.

[RecycledNoMore]

Dear jb, isint it amazing when you read the stories of others in here, how similar they are, my ex did the same thing in a differnt break up, replaced me straight away whilst still proclaiming his undying love for me, it helps so very much to hear your's and others stories, lets me know that im not alone, Im so not ready, just the thought of being with another man makes me feel ill, I think that day when I saw my friend in town, my own vehement reaction, shocked me, I think it was me actually taking notice of my gut... .

Whoopee one small step, thanks for your support jb x

.

[Bit Lost]

Recycled... .I am doing well (I think) luckily my ex doesnt live anywhere near me so me ever bumping into him again I dont think will be a problem... .I have not even seen him in over a year but I chose to remain in his life because he suffers really badly with anxiety and depression or so I thought until I was directed to this website and discovered this is what he actua;;y suffers with. I have had to block him from both his Facebook pages. I can no longer take what he says to me anymore, he has got worse with what he says to me. I lost my phone last week so I am without a phone at the moment but I can bet your bottom dollar that hes been texting me and trying to call me. In hindsight when I rang the phone company to report it lost and request a new sim card, I wished I had requested to change my number as I really dont want to hear from him anymore. I am still very much in love with him and its difficult not to unblock him from Facebook but I refuse to let him bring me down any longer.

As for another relationship that wont be happening for me any time soon either. I havent got it in me and it would definitely be on the rebound if it were to happen, I couldnt do that to a person.

[RecycledNoMore]

Hey bit lost, good to hear from you,its good to know that you havent seen him for over a year, its hard when your still comunicating with them( him), I know for me its was so totally draining, all the cirular conversations,arguments,sometimes I felt like I was glued to my phone,which ment I was always preocupied with it and that wasnt fair to the people around me,was it a big shock for you to find out about BPD? It was for me, all ov a sudden everything made sence, and the more I learned, the more I realised that it was never going to work, didnt matter what I did or said, we could never be together, even more sobering was the fact that it was all a lie, I had fallen for a mask, I dont even know who he truly is because he dosent know himself, I feel so very sad for you because your in love with this guy, I know you must be in a great deal of pain right now, just trying to work out what to do ... .do you have somebody to talk to lov? Im always here if you want, dont be shy or embarrased, ive been where you are, and I know its not nice.

[Bit Lost]

Recycled... .I'm fine honestly. I have a friend who has been going through the same thing and he was the one that directed me to this site. I can't thank him enough being honest as it has opened my eyes, now I know my ex just wasn't anxious and depressed. When I met him I didn't know anything about his issues, it wasn't until about seven months later he told me but I kinda knew something was wrong anyway. He told me because he was coming off his medication and he felt I should know that it may be a tough time what with the side effects antidepressants leaves. I told him I'd be there for him no matter what. This is all when the poo hit the fan. I urged him to get back to the doctors, he did and was put back on antidepressants but this time they didn't work, it made him worse so he stopped taking them. I can't even begin to explain to you just what he put me through over the coming months but I know you understand completely. He was the love of my life and I do miss him but it can't go on any longer. I have to start thinking of me now. I know I have been angry for quite some time as me and my daughters discussed it yesterday and I have been taking things out on them and that's not me. I don't do that and I don't know if I can forgive myself for that.

[RecycledNoMore]

Welldone bitlost, youl find your way in your own time,glad you found this site, it really does help to figure things out 

[Bit Lost]

You would not believe how much this site has helped me, I think if I hadn't come here then I'd still be going round in circles with him forever. He probably thinks I've abandoned him and I'm fine with that, I need some peace in my life before it's me that actually goes insane.

[RecycledNoMore]

I agree, it could have gone on n on n on for years, I read in another thread, that a lady had been in a r/ s for 33 yrs! Im glad for her, well for us all the bpdfamily exists, I wonder if they truly know what they are accomplishing here? Helping people to " save themselves", in turn changing the lives of familys, giving hope in times when everything seems so hopeless... .Im so very greatful.