Physical ailments associated with BPD?

[connect]

My bf will vomit when he is very stressed. He also has problems with eating. The vomiting thing happens when he is dysregulated and/or angry with me particuarly.

[Calm Waters]

mine would get ' migraine' and go to bed really early, however I have friends with migraine and none of them could contemplate sex whilst having a migraine episode, mine did, so conclusion, ' notice me, save me, love me '  or else! also back and shoulder pains, panic attacks that she didn't tell me about, extreme tiredness, or was that just cutting off from un bearable feelings? they are a conundrum!

[starshine]

Geez Calm Waters, I forgot about the migraine thing!  You could have been writing about my exbf. 

[RecycledNoMore]

Wow,my exBPD always " experienced" pains in his chest( the place where his heart should have bin, it became patently obvious he didnt actually have one, usually after hed been yelling or having some sort of conflict either with me or someone else, he said it felt like a heart attack...



H

[suffering_parent]

Wow,my exBPD always " experienced" pains in his chest( the place where his heart should have bin, it became patently obvious he didnt actually have one, usually after hed been yelling or having some sort of conflict either with me or someone else, he said it felt like a heart attack...



H

It has been shown that stress can cause chest pains.   I think BPD are always having anxiety problems.  My wife had chest pains every day.   She assumed it was blood clots going to her heart!

[RecycledNoMore]

[/quote]
It has been shown that stress can cause chest pains.   I think BPD are always having anxiety problems.  My wife had chest pains every day.   She assumed it was blood clots going to her heart![/quote]


Quite right,he was always reckles too, always had a cut somewhere, wouldnt take care of them, said he loved scars,he was always picking at something, in the last year he developed a pimple on the side of his left eye, hed just pick and pick and pick, I told him to just leave it, get some cream, something, but he never did, I bet hes still at it... also 1 time he had a really bad toothache, I mean bad, he refused to go to the dentist said he didnt like them, we, well I slept with the windows open in winter for about a month, he SAT UPRIGHT, in bed for that long because of the pain, in the end he pulled out his tooth with a pair of pliers, he was so proud, because thats what his dad had done.

That was one of the saddest moments I ever experienced.

[KHC_33]

Funny mine did the same thing,

He is 39 years old and constantly complained of back, shoulder, stomach issues and being exhausted. He would sleep ALL day. Come down at like 1-3pm or even past that because he didn't want to deal with my girls when they came home at 4. My current boyfriend is 50 and he works hard at physically and mentally at a job for 13 hours straight. He never complains. He is able to leave work issues at work and come home present with family (no complains). He always gets up positive and happy. Only time he says if he is in pain is with his shoulder (old injury). I am always happy to rub ICE/HOT for him or massage it. He always so great!

BPD ex would take all sort of vitamins and I am thinking you eat crap! You don't even work out! How is THAT suppose to make you FEEL BETTER?

He would get chest pains a lot too. He told me it was me causing all this. His recent email said now his health has improved 100%. Mmmmm... ok.

On the other side for those of us that have dealt with BPD partner do you FEEL any of these symptoms?

I left in June, and now I am physically exhausted. I also have had 3 major heart surgeries and I maybe facing 4th on top of being on heart meds now. My energy level is no where near it used to be. I lived on the surge of adrenaline for years. If I wasn't well I had an ability to shove it. Keep going. I can't do it that anymore now. I dislike my current state. My heart goes haywire, I am very tired, I find myself sleeping a lot. I eat great, I work out (body permitting) and I go out as well. Just there are times I Just can't push myself at all.

Anyone experienced a burnt out phase? When you can finally feel release and able to really let go and not push yourself?

[KHC_33]

I made a mistake LOL oops

[frustrated b/f]

During the R/s it was always self diagnosed kidney infections to imply that I had been sexually active with other women, because that's the only reason she gets them!

During the prolonged detachment phase, it was constant back pain with an unidentifiable source.

[damage control]

Mine has suffered from extreme panic attacks and anxiety - panic attackes have been constant for more than 20 years - he has been on xanax for about 15 of those ...

[Lady31]

Hey guys, I want to point something out here.  Not all those symptoms are a manipulation or lie I would guess.  I have struggled with extreme panic attacks and have gone through 3 different phases in my life (I am only 33) where I had trouble even leaving my own home.  I have also had periods where I would break out in hives and maybe twice in my lifetime a strange rash that doctors could not determine what was causing them.  Those two lasted for several weeks (5 to 7 I think) and only steroids helped.

Anyway - many of those symptoms are our bodies going haywire from stress, pressure and fear.  I would say emotional pain triggers a lot of the symptoms mentioned.

I think SOME of this is real for them - and it is because even if consciously they are rewriting the reality, their subconscious knows the truth and they are overwrought probably with mostly shame.

For me, I am realizing the trigger around my anxiety is relationship fear.  The first time it got that severe I was 20, had opened my first business, was going through a bunch of break up / bf sleeping around / make up cycles with my first "love"/long term relationship.  I thought it was the combination of the stress.  But then it started happening when I moved in with my exh and we were getting married (and I was constantly trying to cheer him up/deal with his major depressive episodes).  And then here recently, when I filed for divorce the panic started again.  BAD.

Anyway - I think for them it can be real too. 

HOWEVER - to add to what you all are saying, I DEFINITELY noticed my exh using ailments for attention or to get me to feel sorry for him.  There were times where he made things up or over played them for sympathy as well as to get out of things.  Especially if it was something he felt like it would make him look crappy to flake out on - he would use some excuse of a physical ailment to get out of it and not have to look bad.  Can't tell you how many times that happened so I went to my family event alone and came home to him piddling away on some project he had all, all better all the sudden.

[Changingman]

Yes rashes that would go up the back of her neck into her hair, always flaky scalp from it. Always had bruises and was recovering from some accident or other. Always a pervasive feeling of ill health, alcoholic skin on her face, slight smell of urine, aches and pains generally. I thought most of it was due to stress and alcohol.

[SweetCharlotte]

Certainly, Lady31, I would not hastily chalk up pwBPD's physical ailments to hypochondria.

As noted in my H's case above, his eating disorder of binging plus inactivity is probably the cause of his diverticulitis. In other words, the maladaptive behaviors of pwBPD can often result in serious physical medical ailments.

Today he is immobilized with back pain. That is real, too, and related to his BPD. His yoyo-ing weight seems to have thrown his back out of kilter early in life, then in a rush to "fix it" he went in for experimental surgery that made the problem worse, and permanent.

Oy vey.

[Discovery]

Hi - I think this is a really interesting question.

Given that BPD is an EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION disorder... .and that there is a clear and measurable link between emotions and physical health... .

Mind-body health is an area I've done a lot of reading about. There are reams of studies showing the connection between our emotions and our body/health (one book on this is Dr. Gabor Mate, When the Body Says No).

My former partner was highly AVOIDANT - he was unable to admit to or express ANY negative emotions (fear, anger, etc.) On the other hand, he was highly expressive of positive emotions -- and was wonderful to be around when he was feeling them.

I was very aware with him that he had a LOT more health stuff on a regular basis than me or any of my close friends who have similar healthy lifestyles. He ate very healthy, didn't drink or do toxic substances, exercised adequately, didn't have a high-stress job or life... .YET, he experienced:

* Chunks of his hair falling out and permanent random hair loss on his head - due to "stress" -- this was during his marriage (before me) and while over-performing at his then-job... .we talked about this quite a bit during our r/s and identified his insecurity and need to "please" and get validation which led to him working WAY more than he needed to or was paid for... .

* Sleep apnea (?) waking in the middle of the night unable to breathe, disturbed sleep

* Recurring episodes of kidney stones

* Joint pain coinciding with times when upset about something

* Neck pain (esp. if we were having a conflict)

* Eczema at random times

* Mysterious ballooning weight gains around his abdomen which would come and go -- many tests and doctors visits about these, nothing any tests could determine

* Severe case of a dizziness/balance disorder this past spring coinciding with the purchase of our apartment (which was one of the last steps out of the way so I could move to be with him - we were LD) - he was unable to work for 3 weeks

* Oversleeping and very fatigued when there was any r/s conflict (escape)

He told me it was me causing all this. His recent email said now his health has improved 100%. Mmmmm... ok.

Same for me! At the discard, he basically inferred that our r/s was "making him" unwell - and referred to some of these things, in particular the stomach and dizziness - and insinuated (there were never any SPECIFICS given -- totally passive-aggressive) that he had to leave the relationship for his health and that being with ME made him unwell (ever a victim of controlling, suffocating women - sorry for the sarcasm, but that's what he told me about his former partner and why he felt so unwell with her... .and naive me... .I believed him).

Which in a way I believe was the truth. There was so much repressed emotion in him b/c he could not be emotionally honest that I believe it DID lead to illness in his body. When he was happy and everything was peachy and easy in the idealization stage, his health was the best it had ever been. People commented on how great he looked. Hmm. Did I cause him to repress his feelings and get sick? No. HE did that. In one of a few short emails that followed the discard he said (very sensitively... .given that I was by then in full PSTD and trauma) that he felt great since he'd cut off the relationship. Well, yeah, makes sense... .no more r/s, no more having to hide all that stuff... .no more having to face me and own the hurtful consequences of his actions... .

However, I don't believe a person can habitually do this and maintain health. So the "feeling good" will I believe be temporary. As soon as new circumstances trigger repressing the same emotions, the build-up (and health issues) will start again.

[connect]

Hey Discovery,

In one of a few short emails that followed the discard he said (very sensitively... .given that I was by then in full PSTD and trauma) that he felt great since he'd cut off the relationship. Well, yeah, makes sense... .no more r/s, no more having to hide all that stuff... .no more having to face me and own the hurtful consequences of his actions... .

My bf dumped me in June for a 12 day period - we are still together. He had stomach and sickness problems before. He also said the same to me after that NC period that he felt physically great now. So hurtful! And your observation as to why that is is the same conclusion I came to!

Of course the other reason he could have felt better was that at the start of that NC period he finally went to the doctor and got stomach meds - duh!. But still he insisted that I was making him ill and therefore it was my absence that was making him better.

[fromheeltoheal]

My borderline ex put a well above average burden on the health care system, which is the norm for the disorder.

She went to the doctor when we were together, to get her blood pressure checked and because she was feeling "sick", got a prescription from the doctor, filled it, and turns out it was anti-anxiety medication she doesn't remember talking to the doctor about.  I can only imagine what the vibe was in that exam room with the doc, but what and anxiety-fueled disconnect.

[DownandOut]

Discovery -

Thanks for posting! You actually made me open my eyes and see, or maybe just remember the painful memory, of my uBPDexgf implicitly trying to pin her stomach ailments and stress on me and the relationship. Our relationship was long distance at the end and every time I would get ready to fly to her city, she would tell me that her stomach was acting up. She never said that it hurt, but that it was an almost nervous feeling - I was flattered. I believed that she was getting butterflies because I, the one she loved, was coming to see her. I would mention this to her and she would say "maybe." However, after a few visits she would make it seem like the feeling was uncomfortable for her and she didn't like it - it wasn't the good type of nervous. I realize now that she was trying to imply that I was the cause of this and she wasn't sure why I caused that reaction in her. I don't know whether to believe that I was close enough to elicit that type of response, or if I really was a cause of hurt for her - it drives me nuts thinking about. It's such a strange disorder.