emotional manipulation?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Today is a Thanksgiving in the U.S., a major holiday that is very family-oriented.  After several days of NC, I've received a barrage of messages (mostly texts) from my ex pwBPD.  I might have lost track, but I think these msgs have covered the following ground in the past 24 hours:

1. apologetic and loving, idealizing

2. hating, blaming me for everything

3. apologetic and loving again

4. asking me to come over

5. pissed that i am ignoring her; telling me to eff off and have a happy life

6. apologizing, begging for another chance

7. telling me how severely sad she has been this past week, suggesting that she'll hurt herself

I think she really has been sad - these end of year holidays have always been rough for her.  I also think maybe she's trying to pull on my heart strings.

I am worried after the last msg that she really will hurt herself, but I'm not concerned/convinced enough to call emergency services, and I don't know how to reach any of her friends who might be able to check on her.  Honestly, today has brought me great clarity that I made the right decision to leave, but it's hard to just flip the switch and not have empathy for someone who is obviously messed up and hurting.

What have others done when they worried about a pwBPD (especially an ex) hurting him/herself?  Also, how have you crossed the line and finally blocked the ex's msgs to preserve NC?

Sigh... .  :'(

[redkong]

Today is a Thanksgiving in the U.S., a major holiday that is very family-oriented.  After several days of NC, I've received a barrage of messages (mostly texts) from my ex pwBPD.  I might have lost track, but I think these msgs have covered the following ground in the past 24 hours:

1. apologetic and loving, idealizing

2. hating, blaming me for everything

3. apologetic and loving again

4. asking me to come over

5. pissed that i am ignoring her; telling me to eff off and have a happy life

6. apologizing, begging for another chance

7. telling me how severely sad she has been this past week, suggesting that she'll hurt herself

I think she really has been sad - these end of year holidays have always been rough for her.  I also think maybe she's trying to pull on my heart strings.

I am worried after the last msg that she really will hurt herself, but I'm not concerned/convinced enough to call emergency services, and I don't know how to reach any of her friends who might be able to check on her.  Honestly, today has brought me great clarity that I made the right decision to leave, but it's hard to just flip the switch and not have empathy for someone who is obviously messed up and hurting.

What have others done when they worried about a pwBPD (especially an ex) hurting him/herself?  Also, how have you crossed the line and finally blocked the ex's msgs to preserve NC?

Sigh... .  :'(

[GreenMango]

Redkong you are right she's having a hard time.  It's strange to see the cycle unfold in 24 hrs over text without any encouragement by you.

Some people have called family members letting them no their loved one has said they are thinking of hurting themself.

Other people have called the pwBPD and offered to take them to the ER for a doctor to check on the suicidal feelings and keep their willingness to do anything with going to hospital only.  No coming by the house to visit and extended phone pseudo counseling on the phone between the two of you about the relationship. (this one usually stops the more attention seeking suicide talk)

If you feel theres a real potential here you can call the hospital and let them know what's going on and then call her back letting her know you concern.  It's best to keep these things on point and not get drawn into any relationships talks.

Are any of these an option?  Has she tried to commit suicide before? 

She's ill much of what she needs right now is professional help but I'm guessing you've been her place to hide from herself for a long time and she's not adjusting well with the change.  People with BPD have notoriously poor coping skills hence the erratic texts and threats to harm herself.

[TakingWingAtLast]

The BIG card that brought me back to the expwBPD was that she was thinking of suicide.  This has occurred so many times I've lost count.   It IS manipulation.  Even if it's likely true and not really a conscious manipulation by them.

I may not get that message to come rescue her from suicide, but if I do (and I won't be surprised if this does happen), I'm calling the police to tell them that they are suicidal.  I will NOT get involved with her again.   The police are required to investigate.   I will make certain that the suicide request is in writing or text or on a voice mail should there be any problem with backlash.

You can do this Redkong!   Your questions and concerns suggest that you are likely to receive such a communication.  Make a plan now to decide what to do!  As best you can, do not reengage the recycling bait.

D

Today is a Thanksgiving in the U.S., a major holiday that is very family-oriented.  After several days of NC, I've received a barrage of messages (mostly texts) from my ex pwBPD.  I might have lost track, but I think these msgs have covered the following ground in the past 24 hours:

1. apologetic and loving, idealizing

2. hating, blaming me for everything

3. apologetic and loving again

4. asking me to come over

5. pissed that i am ignoring her; telling me to eff off and have a happy life

6. apologizing, begging for another chance

7. telling me how severely sad she has been this past week, suggesting that she'll hurt herself

I think she really has been sad - these end of year holidays have always been rough for her.  I also think maybe she's trying to pull on my heart strings.

I am worried after the last msg that she really will hurt herself, but I'm not concerned/convinced enough to call emergency services, and I don't know how to reach any of her friends who might be able to check on her.  Honestly, today has brought me great clarity that I made the right decision to leave, but it's hard to just flip the switch and not have empathy for someone who is obviously messed up and hurting.

What have others done when they worried about a pwBPD (especially an ex) hurting him/herself?  Also, how have you crossed the line and finally blocked the ex's msgs to preserve NC?

Sigh... .  :'(

[redkong]

Well, I didn't receive any more messages after the last one yesterday.  If I had to guess, I think she probably got drunk and passed out (she's done this before on several occasions).  I don't really know for sure - perhaps she went out and had a fun evening on the town, or perhaps she really did hurt herself.  I don't want to initiate contact to find out, but I'm a little concerned.  I was thinking I could pop onto FB to see if she's made any new posts, but I am reluctant to even do that.  It's so hard to disengage, to realize I cannot really do anything to help her, and to focus my care on myself.  Part of what makes it hard is I don't know if she's seriously in danger or if she's just being manipulative (intentionally or otherwise).

GM - Yes, she definitely cycled rapidly over a period of 24-36 hours.  In my experience, she becomes angry very easily and has little restraint over firing off angry comments at that time.  Then, when she doesn't get a response from me (or another person), she either changes tactics or she truly reflects on her behavior and tries to fix things.  I honestly don't know if she has that level of insight, or if she's just learned that apologies after anger sometimes bring the attention she is craving.  She really is an emotional child/adolescent trapped in an adult's body.  She has told me about suicidal feelings she's had in the past, but I don't know of any specific attempts.  One issue is that she doesn't really have any family I could contact, and she's severed ties with most of her friends.  I could probably track down a former co-worker that I think she's still friendly with, but otherwise I'd be left with public services such as police or hospitals. 

D - yes, I am braced for the likelihood that I will in fact receive a clearer message that she's suicidal.  In some ways, that's why I came on here for advice yesterday - I'm pretty sure she wasn't that distraught yesterday, but I'm semi-preparing for the day I might hear a clearer threat.  My ex pwBPD and I pretty much only communicate via text and email these days (I'm striving for NC but she keeps contacting me anyway).  If she were to call, I wouldn't answer.  So, if she does communicate a threat, I'll definitely have something in writing or on voicemail to back me up if I feel the need to contact emergency services.

Thanks to both for your support and suggestions!