Hi all
So, I had a fight with a BPD ex lover turned friend recently. It was rather scary.
I had called to apologise over a previous little argument we had a week earlier. She had also accused me of calling her something I didn't and I wanted to clear that up too. She had not picked up the phone, so I ended up leaving a voice message.
I was not prepared for the vitriol that was to follow.
She lashed out over text message (in her usual passive aggressive way) saying "I thought we might be friends but you can't keep insulting me every week and then shroud an apology in more nastiness. Your words and tone make me feel terrible. Good bye"
She then started to say we have nothing in common (which was weird considering she said she missed me a week earlier) and I make her sad. She also accused me of constantly rehashing stuff that I wasn't. She ended by saying "Ok I'm ___ed. Good bye" and deleted me off Facebook. It was just awful. Considering I didn't do anything but apologise!
The next day she seemed to have calmed down (but I was really upset). Despite being upset, I decided to tell her that I think we should try to talk in a mature way and resolve to be on friendly terms.
And she told me she was "devastated" she upset me and that it wasn't her intention. I then started to get a bit scared... thinking her moods are out of control.
So I told her that I didn't think we should talk now in case I unintentionally upset her which I don't want to do. I was really just trying to protect myself from another outburst.
She then said "do you mean you want to leave things be for a while?" and I said "Yes I think so. It was quite stressful to be on the receiving end of some of your messages. But I care about you and don't want you to be sad".
She then said "I agree. I am destroyed after the past week. I'm not thick skinned to be able to deal with your messages. I am sorry for my part- I really didn't mean to hurt you". I then extended a "virtual hug" to hear via text and said I hope she has a nice day. I was trying to be nice... despite the craziness.
She said "Thanks for my hug. I really didn't mean to react... I know you didn't mean to attack me, you just have a knack for finding my insecurities! have a lovely day"
My immediate thought was 'attack' her? I never attacked her. I calmly called to apologise and she lashed out. I also thought the use of the word "destroyed" was full on!
I slept on it and replied the next day saying: "Ok... I know you have insecurities. But I had no idea what can trigger them. So that was a bit scary for me. If we can be friends one day, it might help if I know what can upset you. I'm pretty understanding
"
And no reply.
So now... I am not sure what to do in regards to how much space to give her.
I personally feel she must have been on edge the night I called her... perhaps emotionally deregulating. I am a little scared of contacting her again in a week... because she might lash out again.
And what about the whole deleting off Facebook thing? Do you think I should wait for her to re-add me? It's all so dramatic.
But I do care about her and miss her. Any advice?
