My BPD friend was riding her bike down my street tonight Is she stalking me?

[Diana82]

Ok the headline of this thread might seem a bit dramatic but I'm a bit stunned... .again.

I have posted a fair bit on here about my recent fall out with an ex lover turned friend turned nothing girl who I suspect is BPD.

She recently lashed out on me over nothing and then profusely apologised. I decided to leave things be for a while and that we don't talk or such... and she agreed. I have been friendly even though I am still really confused by her lash out.

Anyway... .I was double parked just before in the street leading into my street (literally round the corner) taking a phone call. And this woman on a bike turned the corner into the street. I was thinking hmm that looks like her. Same outfit I remember she used to ride in... .short hair... same body.

And as she got closer... she looked at me through my car window (I have slightly tinted windows) and it was her!

And she flew right past me after looking at me. I thought... huh? why is she riding right near my home! she lives on the other side of town (approx half an hour drive) and to my knowledge, has no friends in my street area.

I thought, maybe it could be her twin    But I can't shake the feeling that it was her...

Could it be possible she is stalking me?  Do BPDs tend to stalk people they have lashed out on?  it wouldn't surprise me to be honest... after her bizarre behaviour.

if she saw me in my car... why not wave or text me saying she was in the area!

[Diana82]

Do u think I should ask her why she was in my street? or just say "hey... I saw you riding tonight in my street. Or was it your evil twin?" 

if it's not her... it could be embarrassing!  but I am pretty certain it was.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi Diana, I can certainly understand how it would be unnerving to see your friend ride by unexpectedly. It is weird. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't her?

Regardless of whether it was her or not, what do you stand to gain asking her if it was? Do you think she will answer you truthfully? If she will lie then you have nothing to gain. If she tells you the truth, then what next? If you can't tell whether she will lie or tell the truth, then what is the point of even asking to begin with?

[an0ught]

Do u think I should ask her why she was in my street? or just say "hey... I saw you riding tonight in my street. Or was it your evil twin?"  

if it's not her... it could be embarrassing!  but I am pretty certain it was.

The word "why" is a surefire way to trigger... .

"hey... I saw you riding tonight in my street. Or was it your evil twin? What's up?"

Curiosity is a better mindset to learn about the world... .

[hurtbyboderline]

Ex lover, turned friend, turned nothing girl? That's what YOUR thinking! I'd say in her mind either one of two things is going on; 1) you guys are just having a little disagreement or 2) every things fine. If she's Borderline then in her mind you guys are still in a relationship... .  Yes, she was staking you. That's what they do! Mine used to admit staking almost all her ex's... .My ex BPDGF & I used to get in fights that were 1000 times worse than any fight I've ever been in with a GF. I always used to think; 'WOW, if I ever got into a fight with any of my other GF's like this it'd be over'. To her it was nothing. Most of the time an hour later it was like it never happened. And I'd be traumatized! LOL. They also have a habit of forgetting what they agree to... .  zzz

[goldylamont]

after finally getting her arse out of my house and having a failed 'recycle' where she ended up in yet another r/s, after she destroyed bf #2, my ex moved all the way back across town to a house 3 doors down from me. started calling and texting. we talked on the phone once, she mentioned she had a new job and was doing ok--never mentioned that if i stepped outside and walked around the corner i'd probably see her standing on her porch with our (ahem, her) dog. anyways, i found out about a week later from a neighbor, the neighbor said she told them she hadn't spoken to me in months (even though we had just talked). over the next 6 months she found reasons to park her car across the street from my house, or closer on the same side, or twice literally directly behind my car. i took pictures and video tape in case i ever needed to use it. it's hard being a man having a woman do this to you b/c nobody takes you seriously, but i didn't like it one bit. don't contact her--she wants to get a reaction out of you, bad or good. as uncomfortable as it is i would just act like my ex doesn't exist if i see her in the neighborhood now. it's just better that way. yes, they art stalk artists.

[Diana82]

Hey

well, I haven't asked her if it was her or not. I'm scared to.

We ended up having another fight... she sent me an article about how to not label women as crazy just because you deem their behaviour inappropriate. I asked her why she sent it specifically to me and she went off at me.

In regards to how they think... it is a bit questionable as to whether or not she considers me a friend now.

I asked her 3 weeks ago why she had avoided me for so long and she raged and said "you don't have to see each other everyday to be friends. And you don't have to label everything and put it into neat boxes"

?  we were never 'friends' really. And the label thing was odd... .

[goldylamont]

well, I haven't asked her if it was her or not. I'm scared to.

it was her. and this is an attempt to gain control of things again. to get you to ask "hey, was that you on your bike?", so then she is free to react in any way she likes (devalue you or maybe reel you in depending on her mood).

here's the thing not to forget--you shouldn't need to be even asking these questions. and you are correctly assessing the state of your 'friendship'. ask yourself this: if any, any other acquaintance, friend, coworker or family member (or maybe even a different ex) rode by on a bike and you weren't sure, would you be worried at all about just asking if it were them? if you're worried to even bring it up with her--what does it say about this person and your r/s?

did i mention i think it's her though?   

We ended up having another fight... she sent me an article about how to not label women as crazy just because you deem their behaviour inappropriate. I asked her why she sent it specifically to me and she went off at me.

oy vey at least she was kind enough to let you know exactly why she sent the article. you know why she sent it right? she didn't need to describe it with words, her actions give you an exact answer. she sent the article to have the pleasure of going off on you when you responded. and so, she got what she wanted. i'm sure you'll recover from this, doesn't sound so bad. but just take note before any future correspondence.

In regards to how they think... it is a bit questionable as to whether or not she considers me a friend now.

well, we can never know for sure exactly how anybody feels, pd or not. but, usually you can talk with someone to try and understand and not have to worry about them trying to hurt you in the process. people that are hurting often times need to hurt others to feel like they are in control of something, or to deflect negative emotions from themselves. obviously this doesn't work, but sometimes we just can't afford to stick around while they figure it out.

[Diana82]

Thanks for your comments...

So this sounds like "baiting"?

I still don't know for sure if it was her and I can't fathom why she'd cycle for one hour from her place just to ride past my house once!

It seems a little out there...

I would normally ask but given we have been fighting and didn't end well last week- I think it could make her explode again. She might then accuse me of accusing her of stalking!

She already accused me of calling her a bipolar junkie (not true).

I'd love to know though