It scares me...

[BlackOrWhite]

So I told my BPD to leave me alone.


She did for an like a half a day. Than all of a sudden huge RAGE. Emails, calls than all of a sudden silence and have not heard from her since.


I'm almost more scared of the silence than the rages. I'm scared she is planning another rage at any moment and it has me on the edge all the time.

Does anyone understand what I mean? Almost like sometimes I rather hear from her... .

[EdR]

Hi BlackorWhite,

I really understand what you mean. If you read the thread of questioningfaith ("10 day hiatus", you'll see something similar towards the end of the opening post.

Her silence sometimes scares the crap out of me. At times, it feels so cold and calculating.

The fear is not based on nothing though. It's based on previous experience. In my case:

-) remaining silent but trying to get info on me through mutual friends seems a bit like stalking. Her silence may mean she is doing this again.

-) not replying to my messages almost makes me the stalker. A scary and imo unfair thought. She could easily paint me black as one among friends

-) fear of what kind of reasoning she came up with to justify her behaviour.  Could this trigger a rage?

-) I fear running into her in person. Often this changed her behaviour radically. Pretending like everything is okay. I don't want to be caught off guard.

-) and if she's still not 'ready' to pretend everything is okay... well I don't want to run into her then either, for other obvious reasons

So yeah... .different kind of silence perhaps, but by far more scary than anything else