All Quiet on the BPD Front

[Depression = 72% of members]

I wanted to post while not in an acute situation. I started posting in July when my uBPDh in a 4-year LD r/s walked out on me. I couldn't follow him to his city because I had a project due by the end of the summer, which I completed. We resumed our r/s in September and things have gone well for us since then.

I have managed to stay totally sober for several months. This became my goal when I started to see a new T and he gave me thorough tests that changed my DX from bipolar and alcoholic to simply alcoholic (of the binge-drinking variety), with perhaps an adjustment disorder. The H is super-sensitive to my drinking any amount of alcohol because he had an alcoholic mom who abused him. Working on that has improved my life and our r/s a lot. I've been working out 2 or 3 times a week for 40 to 60 minutes each time. That helps me in many ways too.

Once in a while when we hit a rough patch, I try to refrain from the old ways of Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain. He is super-sensitive to validation, however, and sees it as a ploy, so I have yet to use that technique effectively. He objects to my trying to validate his feelings because in his view they are not feelings but FACTS. To validate his feeling is to assert that he has feelings, and he only deals in facts; I am the one who is lost in a whirlwind of feelings.

With the holidays coming, I'm a little apprehensive since a push-away part of his cycle is probably on the horizon and I still haven't developed my relationship tools. All I've accomplished really is the work on my self.

[SweetCharlotte]

I wanted to post while not in an acute situation. I started posting in July when my uBPDh in a 4-year LD r/s walked out on me. I couldn't follow him to his city because I had a project due by the end of the summer, which I completed. We resumed our r/s in September and things have gone well for us since then.

I have managed to stay totally sober for several months. This became my goal when I started to see a new T and he gave me thorough tests that changed my DX from bipolar and alcoholic to simply alcoholic (of the binge-drinking variety), with perhaps an adjustment disorder. The H is super-sensitive to my drinking any amount of alcohol because he had an alcoholic mom who abused him. Working on that has improved my life and our r/s a lot. I've been working out 2 or 3 times a week for 40 to 60 minutes each time. That helps me in many ways too.

Once in a while when we hit a rough patch, I try to refrain from the old ways of Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain. He is super-sensitive to validation, however, and sees it as a ploy, so I have yet to use that technique effectively. He objects to my trying to validate his feelings because in his view they are not feelings but FACTS. To validate his feeling is to assert that he has feelings, and he only deals in facts; I am the one who is lost in a whirlwind of feelings.

With the holidays coming, I'm a little apprehensive since a push-away part of his cycle is probably on the horizon and I still haven't developed my relationship tools. All I've accomplished really is the work on my self.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Surnia]

Hi SweetCharlotte

These are good news! 

I have managed to stay totally sober for several months. This became my goal when I started to see a new T and he gave me thorough tests that changed my DX from bipolar and alcoholic to simply alcoholic (of the binge-drinking variety), with perhaps an adjustment disorder.

Keep going like this regarding drinking!

And thank you for sharing, its very brave and honest!

[living in the past]

I am the one lost in a whirlwind of feelings, i get a lot out of reading on this site .lost  thanks for posting.

[SweetCharlotte]

Despite some recent bumps in the road involving his digestive problems and our agreement not to exchange holiday gifts, our Thanksgiving has been a total joy. So far, so good.