at a loss?

[Depression = 72% of members]

It has been a VERY long time since I have been here. My BPDbf has been getting treatment for a very aggressive esophageal cancer and the treatment is hours away so I have mistakenly not been here. Everything has been going well. He is through with his treatments and has been really incredible for a very long time. His BPD "symptoms" have been almost non-existent for months. He has been calm and patient and even secure. I have been by his side for every doctors visit, every hospital stay and I may have thought that he was finally seeing that he was not only worthy of a loving relationship, but that he is truly loveable. Anyway, my 20 yr old son has returned home from a very bad situation and my bf even encouraged me to get him here and my bf said he wanted my son to get out of that situation and come back here. Well, by bf has a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old that are not mine, but I love them as though they are. I have a 3 bedroom house and even with my son here, they still have a bedroom. Well, my son is here and my bf seems to be separating himself and his kids from us. He put all their toys away. He put all their clothes in a box and he says he does not want them to be a nuisance. Now, he wants me to do nothing for the kids... .he says he will do it all? We have them every other week and they are now gone for the week. He is living in our bedroom. He comes out to get food and goes right back in. All his medical supplies are also now in a box hiding in our bedroom. Any advice on how to handle this segregation would be very appreciated. In the meantime, I will be re-reading my books and going through the lessons again... .I was foolish to stay away 

[BelievenHope]

It has been a VERY long time since I have been here. My BPDbf has been getting treatment for a very aggressive esophageal cancer and the treatment is hours away so I have mistakenly not been here. Everything has been going well. He is through with his treatments and has been really incredible for a very long time. His BPD "symptoms" have been almost non-existent for months. He has been calm and patient and even secure. I have been by his side for every doctors visit, every hospital stay and I may have thought that he was finally seeing that he was not only worthy of a loving relationship, but that he is truly loveable. Anyway, my 20 yr old son has returned home from a very bad situation and my bf even encouraged me to get him here and my bf said he wanted my son to get out of that situation and come back here. Well, by bf has a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old that are not mine, but I love them as though they are. I have a 3 bedroom house and even with my son here, they still have a bedroom. Well, my son is here and my bf seems to be separating himself and his kids from us. He put all their toys away. He put all their clothes in a box and he says he does not want them to be a nuisance. Now, he wants me to do nothing for the kids... .he says he will do it all? We have them every other week and they are now gone for the week. He is living in our bedroom. He comes out to get food and goes right back in. All his medical supplies are also now in a box hiding in our bedroom. Any advice on how to handle this segregation would be very appreciated. In the meantime, I will be re-reading my books and going through the lessons again... .I was foolish to stay away 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Seashells]

Hi BelievenHope,

I love your user name.  I'm glad you're comfortable coming back and sorry to hear about the cancer and difficult time.

Can you take a deep breathe and a step back and let it "be" a little bit?

I can't pretend to know what this is like for you.  I do know cancer and cancer treatment can be very emotional and also some of the medications can have side affects which cause unusual behaviors.

I'm glad to hear your bf's BPD symptoms have subsided. 

Perhaps someone else with more experience in this situation will add more.

I'm glad you're here and hope you'll keep posting.   We all seem to help each other here.   

[waverider]

Sounds like he is adopting a fortress mentality as a  result of some perceived 'threat'. Have you asked him much lately how he is feeling? does he feel secure? Does anything make hum feel nervous? Not in a pushy way but a casual way, giving him an outlet to open up.

He will be bottling something up, he may not even know what it is

[BelievenHope]

Thank you both very much... .sorry it took so long to respond. I read through some lessons and I did just breathe and gave him some space. It became clear that he was afraid I might not have room for him and his boys in my home (and my heart). I reassured him a few times in a very nonchalant way and he seems to be doing MUCH BETTER! hallelujah! I will be continuing to get back in the lessons and reading here   thank you all for being here!