My uBPDxgf has no real friends

[Changingman]

I'm out for 4 months, NC. I'm still amazed by the fact my uBPDxgf has no friends.

1 dad an alcoholic

2. Mother strangely, not really there when she's about, always busy

3. Family my x fled to have a daughter who is her best friend, she spent 4+ years in India when she got back she didn't speak to my x for 2 years, now she is living miles away from her.

4. Work colleges, not close just empty get drunk bodies.

5. Friend of hers I thought were close told me after we split 'I don't know her I've never had a real conversation with her'. She said you were best friends? ' I was always uncomfortable when she said that, she just drinks and leaves'

6. A HPD friend too interested in her own issues to notice. Hardly sees her.

7. Men lots of Xs, etc you all know this one, emotional infidelity etc

No friends anyone else surprised after finishing how their X had fabricated girlfriend RSs

[Learning_curve74]

BPD ends up affecting all their close personal relationships. While some pwBPD May have a lot of acquaintances that think they are nice, I bet anybody who gets close eventually sees the dysfunctional side.

I saw this happen with my exBPDgf. Some of our mutual friends have seen the dysfunctional side and no longer make themselves quite as available anymore.

[ScotisGone74]

from my experience the only actual 'friend' or two she had was in one of the two categories:    1 Serial cheat-ie someone who constantly cheated on their spouse or multiple baby daddy's -basically a whore, or  2 had a serious alcohol, drug, or other problem.      And of course there were always those 'aquaintances' of the opposite sex she flirted with that have absolutely no clue.    

[HarmKrakow]

This was one of the first sanity checks my therapist asked me, how is it in regards of friends?

My ex got abandoned by almost all her friends when she had an ovary surgery when she was younger (age 12) and almost no one came to visit her. I remember her speaking about this as; "... .a$$holes... .".

Her father cheated on her mother, but her mother has no knowledge about this (as to this day... ) and her father threatened to tell her mother to completely destroy the relationship and thus the family. When I met them, her father was the one telling my EX, to STOP LOVING ME. Oh the irony! :D

Both her brothers have cheated on their partner. (). I guess it runs in the family.

During the time we were together, my ex was 100% against her sister. She was the devil and every time she had to visit her she cried because she SO not wanted to be with her and visit her and never be dependent on her. They came to visit us once as well and her sister went berserk at my ex, telling her she's fat and ugly etc. Funnily, this sister is in a relationship with a muslim and has hit her in the past.

1 week after we broke up, she told me how much she loved her sister. How much she never realized how much she loved her sister and how she will always love her sister and support her wherever she can. Oh the dysfunctional irony .

I remember the so called 'friends' she made during our time together where the typical, 'on the leash' friends. They called her often, she never picked up, only when she wanted something of them :D. Meaning if I wasn't there she would pick up, other than that she would just ignore. Not even a word and the moment they came some silly excuse. She always told me she did this because of me.

She is like a chameleon, she blends in, sucks people in their life and is 'best friends forever' but no one of those people really get close to her. She told me she uses a 1000 different faces for a 1000 different situations. And then she goes away, moves to a different country, has no issue of dropping everything around her and continues her game again.

And I am speechless that there was once a day I (thought) i was madly in love with this girl and who wrote me letters to marry me.

[Tessaking]

My ex makes a new group of friends almost on a yearly basis. He totally saturates himself into their lives then seemingly moves on.

The only really close friend he had was his best mate from school. After he left me, he spent almost every waking hour this guy. 6 months later the friend got in touch with me to say he had 'seen a different side to him.' And was apologetic that he had not been in touch with me. They no longer speak. We are now close friends.

I remember when we had been together for about 6 months. I asked him about his group of friends and Said... .Why do we never see them. We only ever do stuff with my friends. He simply said 'I don't need them anymore.'

I remember thinking at the time it was a strange thing to say. But I let it pass.

Now it all makes sense!

T x

[Pretty Woman]

It's funny you mention this.

My ex is undiagnosed (she says she suffers from ADD) but my therapist believes she suffers from multiple disorders. She is un-medicated and high functioning.

What I realized from the beginning is all her friends are friends from 20+ years ago, on Facebook. They might text or call her occasionally but she has only one here in IL and they are on-off all the time (now on as I am not in the picture).

She is currently dating one of our mutual friends out of a meetup I run. I have written this person off.  We have another mutual friend who is hanging with them but staying out of it. She knows what I've been through, it's only a matter of time... .