Texts from the ex,

[TakingWingAtLast]

Dear Friends,

Text from the expwBPD:

Happy Thanksgiving... .I truly wish you happiness and hope that once your anger subsides we can be friends:-)

Then a photo of our old Xmas tree. 

I'll send your ornaments and mail when you see Levi this weekend.

I ran into another friend at the JCC and they told me that you called them.  So far they all tell me how weird, needy and pathetic it is. Then they tell me that they were my friend first but of course will continue to be nice to you... .

My advice... .you should stop trying to win over friends... .things will naturally progress.


I replied with only the following:

  Thank you for sending my ornaments.

Her pix of the tree and the texts hurt.  Still dealing with the loss obviously.  Makes me mad too. 

POS, right?   Feeling pretty low.

D

[necchi]

Cant get how magnificent manipulators they are, and making you feel like you are the one who manipulate them ! Fuc%%g disorder

[Perfidy]

I blocked the number. Blocked Facebook. She tried again to contact me from her parents number yesterday. I did not answer or respond.

There is enough hurt inside me that I cannot afford to receive any more. I focus on the now as much as I can. It is getting better but not completely out of the woods. I know that my biggest problem right now is me. It has nothing to do with her anymore. I want nothing to do with her anymore ever again. Honesty... .I won't stop hurting until I truly don't want her. When I have reached total indifferance about her. It does help to have other friends that I can think about instead of her. I still allow her to have free rent in my head. This isn't about her it's about me. She moved on in what apparently was an overlapping relationship. She tries to communicate with me and when we did communicate several months ago all she does is tub it in my face how happy she is now. How much her life has changed. How she got into therapy and is off meth and got all her rotten teeth fixed and her new guy understands her and makes her feel better than anyone else ever did. Ok... Ill shut up now

[Discovery]

*Sigh* I feel mad reading this.

Reminds me of the fake and manipulative "nice" communications I received.

Being an objective third party reading the words, it's patently clear to me that you are dealing with a very immature and insecure person.

Dpenderg, I forget why you are LC rather than NC, but I admire your restraint in your response.

Good for you to not play the game.

Don't let her games affect you. You're taking the high road, and you can be proud of yourself. It's hard, but it's a gauge of your integrity.

Right now I'm in the middle of writing yet another letter to my former partner in my journal... .saying what I WANT and NEED to say but can't (the "I think you're a hit" stuff) ... .it does help to get it out. You might want to try it... .or sometimes I find just yelling out (in the privacy of my home or at the beach on a windy night) what I wish I could say to him helps to get it out of my body at least w/o engaging in contact.

[redkong]

Dpenderg - So sorry you're experiencing this.  I think you did a great job of responding to only the factual/transactional aspect of the text and not rising to the bait of all else.  And that's what it is - bait.  I agree with Discovery's third party interpretation of the text.  Come here to vent the feelings that arise when you receive such texts, and keep your tone with her as impersonal and matter-of-fact as possible.

[Changingman]

It's too delicious for them, they become significant rather than the nothing they feel inside. Let them disappear into the emptyness they came from.

[redbaron5]

Wow, reading this from a 3rd party with no emotional involvement to your situation makes this so clear. It's such an obvious, childish attempt, to put you down and make herself feel better. Kind of like a "If YOU could do this and YOU could do that" So gross. 

Then I remembered getting text like these from my uexBPDgf after the "breakup."  I always tried to respond with facts. "I can talk with whomever I like"  "Really, I'm immature? Was I immature when I was at home running my business and you were out cheating on me?" "Was I immature when I was paying your rent and you were lying to my face" "Was I immature when I payed for your rehab?" "What happened to the little girl who used to call me from rehab everyday crying about how much she missed me?"   

This is Projection at its simplest and Is embarrassing. The chance that her friends or the people you talked to went to her and said it was "Pathetic" or "Immature" is probably around zero. The chance she made it up to spew toxic waste at you is nearly 100%

The person who sent you that text it gross. There are 7 billion people on the planet, you can do better. Let her go stink up someone elses life.

[TakingWingAtLast]

Well it continues through the day.  Pictures of my step kids as well just came through in the past hour. 

Redbaron, I coudn't agree more.  It's gross.  And cruel.  But there it is.  I have to keep seeing it until it no longer drives me into a funk.  At this rate, it won't be long.  The anger is certainly there to help!  Projection indeed!

Changingman, that's the process.  Into nothingness.

RedKong, thank you for your response and support.  It truly means a lot to know that others think I'm doing the right thing.

Discovery, I wish I could go NC.  But we are in the same community and same tennis group.  We ARE going to see each other.  It was the advice her and by my therapist that I answer the 'factual' unemotional aspects of any communication.  For the rest, feel the pain.  Get through it.  So, it's LC over NC.   Thank you for acknowledging that I'm taking the high road.  That means a lot.

Perfidy,  you have been hurt so bad.  Remember that you will overcome this.  And be better at the end.  Work through until you pwBPD can no longer hurt you.  Feel the pain.  Grow.  Overcome your own issues and be happy.  Frankly, that's the only way to get even.  Be alive.  And go for happiness at every cost.

Marinro, indeed.  It's a f&#$king disorder and honestly through no fault of their own.  I am trying to be empathetic that she is, as others here have said, immature and pathetic.  I won't take the bait.  And neither should you.

All of you have more strength than you know.  You are all caretakers and givers.  Give yourself the love and attention YOU deserve.  Those who suffer with this catastrophic illness of BPD cannot do this, but YOU can.  Take care of your souls and guard it jealously.  Even as I suffer through all this, I can still see that my happiness lies ahead and so do yours.  Yes, I'm hurting, but I will be better in the end for it.  No longer naive not to see such illness in my partner.

Thank you again for all your support.

D

[necchi]

Take care of your souls and guard it jealously.   

Thank You ! I like this sentence

[TakingWingAtLast]

Terrific poem ShadowDancer.  Thank you!

[TakingWingAtLast]

This just in: More text from the Read this:   Texts I'm now getting. 

Debbie and I got together tonight... .she said you called her too... .

I have to thank you for hiting around, cheating and lying to me... .

I'm so much happier now! Now I have my choice of smart, handsome, adventurous, sexual and athletic men... .who aren't bisexual, are non-smokers, and have children who have completed college and are financially independent.

Yes... .I may be bipolar but I now realize how horrible you were to me!

Thank god for my daughter, mother and friends who kept trying to convince me to leave you!

I finally got strong enough.

You. Yes you need psychological and psychiatric help... .you have failed medical school, Kimberely (my first wife), your jobs and your "friends" in so many ways

I am strong, pretty and intelligent! I have kids who are doing well. I have a brighter I have a good relationship with. I'm financially stable.

But most of all... .I have more REAL men than i know what to do with wanting to date me... .

You failed once more in your life!

And if i had to venture a guess... ,I suspect that you will lose your job at XX (without me saying a word) due to your improprieties... .

Pix of the Step Daughter climbing


Doesn't hurt quite so much this time.   Seeing the devaluing and projection.

[KE151]

Yes, blatantaly obvious she's in a huge emotional meltdown. Trying to get you to defend yourself and react.

I also got similar messages for months on end. They helped me see her illness and helped me move on.

Sad really.

[TakingWingAtLast]

KE,

It IS sad.  

But I'm happy to report that the amount of time I actually felt devalued was really only during the initial set of texts which woke me up from a sleep.   Then, I just felt bad for her.  It was so obvious that she was hurting.  

I'm afraid that the next set of texts will be the suicide call.  She always got like that before the suicide note to come help.

I'm ready if that happens.

And I HOPE I don't get such messages for months on end.   But you are right, they DO help you move on because it let's you really see their illness as you said.  In fact, it might be the best reason to LC rather than NC.  LC let's you see the illness for what it is, a very sad person who was emotionally scarred when they were young.   And that can let us nons understand which helps to bring closure to us.

I like the idea that such texts can help US!  Very empowering.

D

Yes, blatantaly obvious she's in a huge emotional meltdown. Trying to get you to defend yourself and react.

I also got similar messages for months on end. They helped me see her illness and helped me move on.

Sad really.

[Changingman]

My Xw started to send texts anonimously, pretending to be someone else. It was freaky, when I told her to stop ( 2 kids, LLC ) her rage turned into concerned sweet... .what texts?

Laughable, I said I don't know anyone else who would send such vile texts. She looked at me and said I'm not interested in knowing you anymore etc etc.

She'd phone up people I knew, around the world!, Pretending to be other people who were trying to inform them about what a **** I was. Weird pathological stuff. Her mum was doing it to me as well. I started to learn chess just to get my mind of it. One technique is called... .mirroring! Yep, just reflect the other players moves, wear them down.

In our next long phone conversations both mum and daughter I began just saying back to them what they said to me.

Eg

You've really messed up this relationship

Me

You've really messed up this relationship

Her mum

You should go back to your mum and ask her why you have turned out this way!

Me

You should ask yourself why she has turned out this way

I thought they would just get it and say stop repeating what I say, but no they carried on hitting bigger and bigger arguments until they slammed the phone down saying how dare you say that to me.

I didn't say that to them they said it to me. It exhausted them.

This was just a way for me to keep contact for the kids sake and defend myself.

Didn't know you could do it for love games!

Hold the mirror up to medusa they are frozen/broken by it, not for revenge for defense...

[Changingman]

I guess the longer you are with them and the more they try to be you they leak the toxic truth into you and you become that thing they hate about themselves.

Boundaries aren't for sponges!

[KE151]

And I HOPE I don't get such messages for months on end.   But you are right, they DO help you move on because it let's you really see their illness as you said.  In fact, it might be the best reason to LC rather than NC.  LC let's you see the illness for what it is, a very sad person who was emotionally scarred when they were young.   And that can let us nons understand which helps to bring closure to us.

I like the idea that such texts can help US!  Very empowering.

D

Yes, blatantaly obvious she's in a huge emotional meltdown. Trying to get you to defend yourself and react.

I also got similar messages for months on end. They helped me see her illness and helped me move on.

Sad really.

The messages caused me pain initially but now I'm just thankful for them. She also sent me seductive recycling messages, where she idolized me and our time together. Initially confusing but later affirming, even validating my own feelings. The messages were solid reminders of her disorder and helped me de-personalize the FOG - I had my part but she's sick, nothing I could do or change about that.

In my other dysfunctional r/s with a clusterB(waif-like) gf, the situation has been different: she has not raged over text or anything, being quite nice and civil actually. We're very LC. The lack of craziness has made me wonder if I was imagining it, what if I was wrong about her... .what if she isn't ill or bad for me? I have to remind me of the lies, betrayal, deceit and her general shallowness. Then I snap back to reality.

So, I'm grateful for the mad messages I got from gf1. Just hope they stop at some point (20 months and counting) 

[Changingman]

Write it down so you don't forget what actually happened, dont forget it.

A remarkable facility for lies and manipulation

Don't forget

Reality is not their 'thing'

[TakingWingAtLast]

I guess I must have had a delayed reaction to those texts.  Not that they hurt me in the sense that I think I might be all those things, but rather the texts caused the same emotions I had when we would recycle.  I feel despair.  And frustration.  And sleeplessness.  

I can see why I became so vulnerable during recycling.  I was always displaced physically, I was tired from lack of sleep and I would finally respond after some great big apology or the suicide call/text.  I had no support to speak of.  Of course I would go back!

An aha moment!   Makes me sad!   And a bit angry once again for not seeing this sooner.  

D

[TakingWingAtLast]

I record every communication I have with her.  And send all the texts as a word document to my therapist.  I ask her to evaluate both her and my responses. 

Still feeling anxious this morning anyhow.  The texts did have a toll. 

D

Write it down so you don't forget what actually happened, dont forget it.

A remarkable facility for lies and manipulation

Don't forget

Reality is not their 'thing'