Do they respect u more if...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

In my opinion, whether they temporarily respect you is a meaningless relational benchmark, because underlying feelings of worthlessness are a defining characteristic of the disorder. When the childhood trauma occurred, they naturally turned on themselves (i.e."my mother would not have left me if I wasn't bad", like a wild animal attempting to chew off its own leg after being caught in a trap. 

I told mine this, when she was in a moment of crying and weak after her paramour called her phone while we were having dinner with the kids. That her cheating had nothing to do with me, ultimately. And that her father cheating on her mother had nothing to do with her mother. And that ultimately, her father abandoning her and not connecting to her emotionally had nothing to do with her, that there was nothing wrong with her that caused him to do that. It was all him! At this point, she at least admitted that she was "sick" [mentally]. Made no difference. On to running and medicating with the shallow r/s... .the BPD beast is like a Terminator (from the movies). Terminators, however, can be stopped... .

She has no excuses.  She knows right from wrong and chooses wrong.  She is a cheater and will remain a cheater.  You are in a no win situation.  If you forgive her for cheating you are enabling her to do it again.  The only other option (and the only right option) is to boot her azz out of the house.  This is what happened to me.  I caught her and had no other option than to break it off with her.  I just could not forgive her and if I had I would have NEVER trusted her again.

[Waifed]

In my opinion, whether they temporarily respect you is a meaningless relational benchmark, because underlying feelings of worthlessness are a defining characteristic of the disorder. When the childhood trauma occurred, they naturally turned on themselves (i.e."my mother would not have left me if I wasn't bad", like a wild animal attempting to chew off its own leg after being caught in a trap. 

I told mine this, when she was in a moment of crying and weak after her paramour called her phone while we were having dinner with the kids. That her cheating had nothing to do with me, ultimately. And that her father cheating on her mother had nothing to do with her mother. And that ultimately, her father abandoning her and not connecting to her emotionally had nothing to do with her, that there was nothing wrong with her that caused him to do that. It was all him! At this point, she at least admitted that she was "sick" [mentally]. Made no difference. On to running and medicating with the shallow r/s... .the BPD beast is like a Terminator (from the movies). Terminators, however, can be stopped... .

She has no excuses.  She knows right from wrong and chooses wrong.  She is a cheater and will remain a cheater.  You are in a no win situation.  If you forgive her for cheating you are enabling her to do it again.  The only other option (and the only right option) is to boot her azz out of the house.  This is what happened to me.  I caught her and had no other option than to break it off with her.  I just could not forgive her and if I had I would have NEVER trusted her again.

[Turkish]

In my opinion, whether they temporarily respect you is a meaningless relational benchmark, because underlying feelings of worthlessness are a defining characteristic of the disorder. When the childhood trauma occurred, they naturally turned on themselves (i.e."my mother would not have left me if I wasn't bad", like a wild animal attempting to chew off its own leg after being caught in a trap. 

I told mine this, when she was in a moment of crying and weak after her paramour called her phone while we were having dinner with the kids. That her cheating had nothing to do with me, ultimately. And that her father cheating on her mother had nothing to do with her mother. And that ultimately, her father abandoning her and not connecting to her emotionally had nothing to do with her, that there was nothing wrong with her that caused him to do that. It was all him! At this point, she at least admitted that she was "sick" [mentally]. Made no difference. On to running and medicating with the shallow r/s... .the BPD beast is like a Terminator (from the movies). Terminators, however, can be stopped... .

She has no excuses.  She knows right from wrong and chooses wrong.  She is a cheater and will remain a cheater.  You are in a no win situation.  If you forgive her for cheating you are enabling her to do it again. 

It's so far beyond that it is unfixable. Her accidentally sending me the text meant for him and that jackass calling her phone while we were sitting down to dinner with our kids sealed it forever. He, and she, have no shame, even though she has a little shame trying to pretend things are ok on the surface. He's a bad man, and she is mirroring his badness to attach. I've told her this (not the mirroring part, but I will), but she is so enraptured in it. I'll tell her again and again that he's a bad man for hurting our kids from afar. God, or karma if you believe, will pay him back for it. Not for me, but for innocent babies.

[Waifed]

There is just no logic when it comes to their self destruction

[Pretty Woman]

Turkish,

   My favorite part was when she told me mid relationship that her ex couldn't understand why she was with me.

Now any reasonably healthy person would have told her goodbye but I took that verbal abuse from her. Why should I care what her EX thinks of me.  Why should SHE care?

If I look over the past two years I see a re-occuring pattern. There was not one point in our relationship she wasn't ACTIVELY communicating with an ex.  She would tell me about what they were doing, their relationships, she would tell me stories about what they did together, where they traveled.  The woman I replaced... .

What a story---read some of my posts if you want some entertainment.

She told me she was a "sex-addicted" stalker. She had to change her number and move to get away from her.

This woman BTW is a prison psychiatrist.

(for real)!

Funny how two months into our relationship she is chatting with this woman on the phone and via text.

Later in our relationship I find out this woman was in the process of moving to our state when I came into the picture.

Overlapping relationships.  Yeah that was me. And I hit on her.

Oops. My bad.

This time she blocked me from all communication... .something she has never done before.  The good thing is this has allowed me to detach easier and come out of the fog. I am finally feeling better.

My ex is un-diagnosed but she has fit all the criteria for BPD. She says she has ADHD but I know a lot of people with ADHD that do not behave like this.

I don't know about you but throughout my relationship I stopped being a lover and felt like I was her caregiver. After each dumping I became more resentful and distant until it was easy for her to discard me. She took everything out of me I could possibly give.

[Pretty Woman]

RCP,

In response to your quote: "They're such cold, nasty, heartless, self-absorbed jerks. I'd love her to approach me just so I can turn her away and regain my dignity. That's terrible, I know. But it's how I feel."

It is natural to feel like this but really, what good would that do us? The end result is still the same.

We want to WIN. We want to call the shots. This does not make us better than our ex partners. Clearly, we are attracted to this sort of person for a reason.

Are you in therapy? The best thing my therapist told me is this:

If I were reasonably healthy I never would have put up with someone like this.

How true is that? Water seeks it's own level.  The thing is this... .

if your ex is un treated they will be stuck and repeat this pattern for life. Can you imagine that? How sad and utterly depressing is that? But you, you can focus on your core wound issues that attracted you to this relationship and you can move on to healthier ones.

Wouldn't that be awesome? A partner that loves you unconditionally?

YOU are the only person that can grow in this situation. Feel sorry for your ex. I know it is hard, esp when they replace you but trust me... .pity the next one. My ex is pre menopausal which traditionally makes BPD's more volitile.

You got out alive, my friend!  She is stuck. Just think of the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.  I hated that movie. Now I know why! Watch it. That, is her life. For the rest of her life.