Finally after 6 months she wants to get her stuff. My legs feel weak.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been waiting for this day for 6 months.  But I am not looking forward to it.  After 3 years and countless recycles she for no reason and no emotion told me to leave and never call her again.  So I did and didn't.  She had some stuff stored in my attic which I knew she would want, ie. bike, snowboard, skis, a box of memorabilia, and other stuff.

6 months of NC even though our kids are in the same class at school and are good friends, all playdates are arranged through her ex husband. 

I have done a lot of healing and have even started dating again with a relationship in the making. 

This morning I got a text, came through her email, and I don't even know if she has the same # saying "Good morning, I hope your week started off well.  I was wondering if I could come over and get my things this weekend.  If you have your son I can do it another time."  I almost fell over my legs went so weak.  I responded that I do have my son and would see if I could make arrangements for him and would get back to her.

The first thing that popped into my mind was that things are not so good with the new guy and this is a recycle attempt.  It was just Thanksgiving after all and she always gets crazy during the holidays.



Well as I was writing this she came over and I lost my train of thought. 

I think I finally got the closure that I needed.  It was not in a discussion about what went wrong, but in a I know more about you than you do sort of way.  I was nice and had all her stuff ready at the door.  She came in and I offered her a drink, I certainly needed one, and had some small talk.  Being in contact with her ex husband I know more about her than she thinks I do.  I know that her son does not want to live with her because of her anger issues and was recently served by the courts of that fact.  I even used some of the skills I learned on the staying board just to see if I could draw her out.  The outcome was she has no idea of the destruction she has in ANY relationship. 

I also realized that as beautiful as she is the attraction was not there.  I think I may be free!

[emotionaholic]

I have been waiting for this day for 6 months.  But I am not looking forward to it.  After 3 years and countless recycles she for no reason and no emotion told me to leave and never call her again.  So I did and didn't.  She had some stuff stored in my attic which I knew she would want, ie. bike, snowboard, skis, a box of memorabilia, and other stuff.

6 months of NC even though our kids are in the same class at school and are good friends, all playdates are arranged through her ex husband. 

I have done a lot of healing and have even started dating again with a relationship in the making. 

This morning I got a text, came through her email, and I don't even know if she has the same # saying "Good morning, I hope your week started off well.  I was wondering if I could come over and get my things this weekend.  If you have your son I can do it another time."  I almost fell over my legs went so weak.  I responded that I do have my son and would see if I could make arrangements for him and would get back to her.

The first thing that popped into my mind was that things are not so good with the new guy and this is a recycle attempt.  It was just Thanksgiving after all and she always gets crazy during the holidays.



Well as I was writing this she came over and I lost my train of thought. 

I think I finally got the closure that I needed.  It was not in a discussion about what went wrong, but in a I know more about you than you do sort of way.  I was nice and had all her stuff ready at the door.  She came in and I offered her a drink, I certainly needed one, and had some small talk.  Being in contact with her ex husband I know more about her than she thinks I do.  I know that her son does not want to live with her because of her anger issues and was recently served by the courts of that fact.  I even used some of the skills I learned on the staying board just to see if I could draw her out.  The outcome was she has no idea of the destruction she has in ANY relationship. 

I also realized that as beautiful as she is the attraction was not there.  I think I may be free!

[Surnia]

  emotionaholic

In short: Great! 

You handled it well and its great you could see your ex with more distance.

I also realized that as beautiful as she is the attraction was not there.  I think I may be free!

thank you for sharing.

[Learning_curve74]

That is good to hear emotionaholic! Sounds like you are moving along well in your healing. 

[emotionaholic]

The most liberating part was that I got to say goodby in a nice way.  There has been an immense amount of anxiety for me in not wanting to see her and maintaining NC.  I have been scared to death to physically see her because of the intense physical attraction I had and to some degree still have for her. I have been avoiding her like the plague.  We each have sons that are in the same class at school and oh how I have been dreading the "run in" in the hall dropping of kids.

To be free of her things here which has been the one last attachment string is finally gone.  I ended it with a simple hug and a "take care of yourself." And now no longer fear seeing her around.  The official fading into memory can begin.

Thanks to everyone here who has been so helpful in my detachment and personal growth out of BPD crazy land.

[heartandwhole]

This is such great news, emotionaholic.  You did it!  I commend you for the way you have handled your detachment.  Now, it's your time to enjoy this new chapter in your life.