Had The Conversation... Quick and Anti-Climactic

[Turkish]

I got home and they were still here. She apologized for not being gone yet. I said, she didn't have to since she still lived here.

She got something in the mail from an apartment complex. She let out an audible sigh of relief and then started reading it. And then kept reading it. She said that it was just to inform her she was put on a waiting list. I told her that she should just leave anyway, that since she wasn't here all last weekend, she had a place to sleep. She started to reply, but I kept going and said that I couldn't stand to look in the face of continued betrayal. I then brought up that she was skyping him from the computer I bought her to fulfill her dream of going back to school (she did whip through a number of classes... .working 3/4 time which I also supported). She said, "Skype? I've never skyped him from there!" I said, his name was on the contact list. (it could just follow the account wherever she logs in, or Ironman was right in that it was a lie she thought she could get away with) I then launched into saying that if she wasn't here all last weekend, then she obviously had somewhere else to sleep and why didn't she just take her clothes and go there. (the kids were in the other room, so it was a verbal blitzkrieg on my part as they were on their way out the door) I told her I she could some over every other night to help bathe them (I don't need the help in reality, but they need to see their mom) and that she could take them all day on Saturdays for now. I said every day you are here in this fake relationship with me is one tiny percentage more damage to them that will be that much harder to fix later on. S3 was asking me to come to the party with them, but I told him gently that he and D1 would be doing more things with mommy without me and also the reverse, and that was how it was going to start being from now on (as if they weren't already used to it). He seemed to take it well, I guess. Poor kids.

All in all, not much drama, sorry folks. I'm sure more will come later as this ends more officially. She just had this look on her face the whole time. I'm smarter, stronger, faster than her, plus I'm not the one doing things wrong. What can she say?

[Ironmanrises]

Turkish, I know that wasn't easy for you to have that conversation with her. A big step in itself. She wasn't/isn't going to admit to the skype incident because that would cause her to self reflect, and it keeps you wondering as a side effect(to further hurt you). That puzzled look she gave you at the end, is the fact that you are not following the script that is playing in her head. She assumed you were going to beg for her to love you, etc. and you didn't. A further knock on her perceived reality through her distorted lens. As real reality sets in, she may very well react even more chaotically. Hang in there friend.  

[Turkish]

Turkish, I know that wasn't easy for you to have that conversation with her. A big step in itself. She wasn't/isn't going to admit to the skype incident because that would cause her to self reflect, and it keeps you wondering as a side effect(to further hurt you). That puzzled look she gave you at the end, is the fact that you are not following the script that is playing in her head. She assumed you were going to beg for her to love you, etc. and you didn't. A further knock on her perceived reality through her distorted lens. As real reality sets in, she may very well react even more chaotically. Hang in there friend.  

Her current script I'd me being nice to her,  moving on emotionally while she's still here,  despite me mostly supporting her while she carries on a double life. I know she wants to be out,  but she also doesn't want to face the full reality of her choices,  like she wants to be good friends still.

She called me and had me pick up the baby from the party because it was too cold.  She and my son stayed.  nice to have a back up,  mommy!

[redkong]

Nice job Turkish - you took this huge step for yourself, and ultimately, for your kids.  I'm sure it wasn't fun or easy, but glad to hear there wasn't much drama.  As IMF said, you weren't following the script she expected, which explains much of her puzzlement.

How do you feel now that this step is overwith?  I know I felt huge relief after a similar conversation.  :)idn't mean that things weren't/aren't still hard as I continue to sort through everything in my mind (toward healing and closure of my own), but seriously a huge relief.  I hope you feel some relief as well.

[maxen]

it sounds like you were ready, that the moment just had come.

I'm not the one doing things wrong. What can she say?

no, you are not. and there's nothing to say to that.

[Ironmanrises]

Turkish, I know that wasn't easy for you to have that conversation with her. A big step in itself. She wasn't/isn't going to admit to the skype incident because that would cause her to self reflect, and it keeps you wondering as a side effect(to further hurt you). That puzzled look she gave you at the end, is the fact that you are not following the script that is playing in her head. She assumed you were going to beg for her to love you, etc. and you didn't. A further knock on her perceived reality through her distorted lens. As real reality sets in, she may very well react even more chaotically. Hang in there friend.  

Her current script I'd me being nice to her,  moving on emotionally while she's still here,  despite me mostly supporting her while she carries on a double life. I know she wants to be out,  but she also doesn't want to face the full reality of her choices,  like she wants to be good friends still.

She called me and had me pick up the baby from the party because it was too cold.  She and my son stayed.  nice to have a back up,  mommy!

That reality is going to come full force on her soon. Add to that, the turmoil that will erupt from the relationship with the young douche, and you not following that script; chaos. Her soothing needs are then going to surface, and who will she come looking for? That would be you. A sad dysfunction that I hope your kids are not too exposed to. Hopefully they are around you, a stable and not disordered individual. You are handling the situation in the best possible way. You have done nothing wrong.

[Waifed]

Turkish

She is a lying sack of ___. Keep the pressure on her. You are a very nice guy but there is nothing wrong with expressing your anger towards her. She has done some unforgivable things to you. She knows right from wrong. I'm glad you told her to take a hike. Stick with it. Make her hurt and stress for a change. Stop being accommodating to her at all. It is now time for you to concentrate on yourself and your children. She is no longer a factor other than to make arrangements involving your kids.  Let her face reality. If she thinks this kid is her savior she has got another thing coming to her. Her world is crumbling and she isn't fully aware of it. You will have you children almost full time sooner than later.

I'm proud of you Turkish!

[santa]

Turkish

She is a lying sack of ___. Keep the pressure on her. You are a very nice guy but there is nothing wrong with expressing your anger towards her. She has done some unforgivable things to you. She knows right from wrong. I'm glad you told her to take a hike. Stick with it. Make her hurt and stress for a change. Stop being accommodating to her at all. It is now time for you to concentrate on yourself and your children. She is no longer a factor other than to make arrangements involving your kids.  Let her face reality. If she thinks this kid is her savior she has got another thing coming to her. Her world is crumbling and she isn't fully aware of it. You will have you children almost full time sooner than later.

I'm proud of you Turkish!

Agreed. It may be impossible to get them to take responsibility for their actions, but we can at least refuse to accommodate them all the time.

[Soldier Of Sorrow]

Turkish,

As soon as she is physically out of your house for good, you will have the opportunity to detach yourself and get some healing done.

It sounds like you are still very much enmeshed with the BPD and the anger, frustration, and sense of betrayal that she evokes in you.

Again, physical distancing is imperative.

If you are still living with this person under the same roof, it is understandable that you cannot shake off all the negative reactionary responses in yourself.

Hang in there. And get all the practical arrangements done so she could disappear from your property.

When you look back at all this after your disengagement, all this Skype business will just be a small part of some itty gritty detail that belongs to a big chunk of bad memories that you will determine to not give a damn about.