She has been partying with her boyfriend(s) 'enjoying' life.

[Iamdizzy]

I heard from mutual friends that she is out partying, drinking, new boyfriend(s), having crazy fun enjoying "life"!--If these were the first months of breaking up with her I would of been vallicating between anger and depression. I now know that this is a sick individual hiding from her problems. She's running away.

This is her self-medication. Granted, going to parties every now and then is obviously enjoyable but all the time? From my experience this is just running and running and running and self medicating. I also saw her facebook account. It's all bs. This life of luxury and beauty she lives is a facade. The extravagant clothing, trips, the model poses she does for her facebook 'fans'. I can stomach seeing that now. I think this is just a place where she can live in another realm. I know the emptiness she has. I know what goes on behind closed doors. She's not happy. Her needs are being filled by a bottle of alcohol, boyfriend(s), partying, and facebook narcassism.

I'm not sad. I feel good. I hate to say it, but I feel OK with the fact that she's self medicating and not seeking help. However, I know my feelings will change and I will wish that she sought help, but it's not my fight or problem. Whenever I think about her, I simply say "she doesn't exist shut up" and it's been working. I don't plan for the future. I live in today. I've been working hard.

[Ironmanrises]

She has to portray all of that to hide the inner turmoil within. The more of that so called fun she portrays, the worse she actually feels inside. Think about it? If you were really that happy inside, would you have to continuously blast it out to the world to prove that you are really that happy? The simply answer is no.

My exUBPDgf was portraying heavily in devaluation in round 2 of "personal development". Telling the whole internet world how she was improving personally. Meanwhile she was destroying me, the very person who stood beside her when others ran, and whose house looked like a cyclone ran through it. Yet she was "personally improving". Right. See, someone personally improving doesn't destroy the person closest to them who did nothing to deserve such treatment and constantly have to portray that image to the rest of the world. I saw under her mask and what I saw would have probably turned Medusa herself into f¥cking stone.

[Iamdizzy]

Ironman- I completely agree with you. And to build on what you were saying in terms of you BPDex potraying heavily in the devaluation, My BPDex during the last few weeks, would make us look like the ideal couple on facebook. At the same time, she would devalue me as a boyfriend but most importantly as a human. I am glad I am at this stage and I am also glad that you realize this as well.

I just don't buy into the whole "I'm happy, my new boyfriend(s) make me so happy, I am young lets party!, "live laugh love" type of bs. When I am happy there is no need to constantly show it off to the world. I guess in a way, when they are down, they look at FB to 'remind' them and others that they are ''normal''

[Tincanmike]

In my case, I think she's trying to get some sort of validation from her Facebook friends that the decisions she's making are ok and that she's a worthy person despite the odd things she's doing. I've stopped looking at her social media drama-fest, but when I did in the past, her friends would respond with "you look so happy", "glad to see you smiling", "you guys make such a cute couple (the replacement)", and so on. I did see a few negative reactions though. "Another boyfriend so soon?", "you go through a boyfriend every month it seems".  I don't know why I care, but I want her friends to wake up and see the facade. I need a little validation too I guess. She's the ultimate faker and she always has been. And people seem to eat it up like candy. If they don't she moves on to other, new friends. What better a place than Facebook to do so. It must be extremely difficult to live a life of lies, but to always know your inner truths. Sad and almost tragic. Being out of the relationship allows me this clarity. My heart stills hurts for her though. One of the last things I said to her was that I just wanted her to be happy in life. Healthy happy, not fake!

[heartandwhole]

Iamdizzy,

I'm so glad that I don't know any of pwBPD's friends (we were long distance and short r/s), because I know it would hit me hard to hear/see stuff like that.  Early on, I did peek at his website and saw it transform into something completely different before my eyes – I suspect the change was due to a new person in his life, but I have no way of knowing for sure.  A few months later, the website was gone.

I'm glad you are feeling better.  Keep up the good work.   

I also saw her facebook account.

Is this working for you?

[Iamdizzy]

Heartandwhole-

First time I peeped her facebook account since we broke up. I gave into curiosity but I also understand that she is mentally ill. When I heard/ saw that she is partying all the time to a point that our mutual friends say to me "she's just too crazy, I don't want to hang out with her" it reassures me that she has BPD, that it's time to let go and that it's ok. There is no lingering thoughts of 'maybe she will come to her senses' or realize that she did awful things (granted I let them happen) to me. I guess this is reality and that's her nature. To run away. Build a facade of glamour, beauty, partying, to escape her reality. It hurt to see her and her new boyfriend but there's no doubt in my mind that the same patterns will repeat. Why? she's not seeking treatment. Her treatment is in sex, partying, facebook narcissism and alcohol.

I must admit this is the last time I will see her FB account.

And Tincanmike- The only way she can be truly happy is when she faces her demons. That task is something only she herself can accomplish. You or another other partner can only do so much. That's my take on it. They choose to run. Do I blame them? yes and no. Yes because they are reasonable adults. They take out their behavior on a selected few and when they do awful things, they mitigate their behavior because of their past.  On the other hand, I understand the immense amount of courage one needs to look within.

[heartandwhole]

There is no lingering thoughts of 'maybe she will come to her senses' or realize that she did awful things (granted I let them happen) to me. I guess this is reality and that's her nature. To run away. Build a facade of glamour, beauty, partying, to escape her reality. It hurt to see her and her new boyfriend but there's no doubt in my mind that the same patterns will repeat. Why? she's not seeking treatment. Her treatment is in sex, partying, facebook narcissism and alcohol.

Iamdizzy,

  Sound like you are really "facing the facts," and that is such a huge step toward healing.  I'm happy for you.

[State85]

Yep, I'm familiar with the Facebook tactics. Each time I broke up with my uBPDexgf, it was less than 48 hrs before the pics started showing up. She says she's not doing it to hurt me... .right. She says they are only "friends" ... .right.

I see right through all the fb crap. She has to have attention. So she posts lyrics of songs that are sexual in nature, probably so all her fb guy friends will comment. She craves that attention.

Now, she is texting me... wanting to talk. I guess my current replacement(s) are either not enough, or she blew up on one of them.

[EdR]

She has to portray all of that to hide the inner turmoil within. The more of that so called fun she portrays, the worse she actually feels inside. Think about it? If you were really that happy inside, would you have to continuously blast it out to the world to prove that you are really that happy? The simply answer is no.

My exUBPDgf was portraying heavily in devaluation in round 2 of "personal development". Telling the whole internet world how she was improving personally. Meanwhile she was destroying me, the very person who stood beside her when others ran, and whose house looked like a cyclone ran through it. Yet she was "personally improving". Right. See, someone personally improving doesn't destroy the person closest to them who did nothing to deserve such treatment and constantly have to portray that image to the rest of the world. I saw under her mask and what I saw would have probably turned Medusa herself into f¥cking stone.

And once again thank you for your posts. Especially yours Ironman.

All your posts have felt so... familiar.

I am doing much better,  but I still feel sad at times. Lonely even... because I lost a 'good' friend and lost some of our mutual friends as well.

Seeing her partying or just having fun with ex-mutual friends... .it is hard.

It is not like I don't want her to have fun. Quite the opposite perhaps, because I have seen beyond the mask. Just like you Ironman. She isn't really having fun... she still is largely empty inside. But it sure looks like she's having fun to the outside world.

But I would wish luck would be on my side as well. Just a little more happiness would be quite welcome now...

[Iamdizzy]

EdR- she's not having fun or enjoying herself and I think we all know that about our own ex partners. They can't just sprout a new life without any of their issues tagging along.

I think about it this way, when we first met them, we were on the other side of spectrum while their previous partners were where we are now and it will continue. Truthfully, understanding that they are mentally disordered and that is in no way an insult but a factual statement is completely different than truly understanding and accepting it. It took me a long time to see her and her behavior as part of her disorder/ inability to work with herself.

[goodguy]

 My BPDex got a tattoo right after we broke up... .it said "Live and Love" or something to that effect. I really wasn't surprised, it fits with everything else. If she really was happy, why go through those lengths?

[Ironmanrises]

She has to portray all of that to hide the inner turmoil within. The more of that so called fun she portrays, the worse she actually feels inside. Think about it? If you were really that happy inside, would you have to continuously blast it out to the world to prove that you are really that happy? The simply answer is no.

My exUBPDgf was portraying heavily in devaluation in round 2 of "personal development". Telling the whole internet world how she was improving personally. Meanwhile she was destroying me, the very person who stood beside her when others ran, and whose house looked like a cyclone ran through it. Yet she was "personally improving". Right. See, someone personally improving doesn't destroy the person closest to them who did nothing to deserve such treatment and constantly have to portray that image to the rest of the world. I saw under her mask and what I saw would have probably turned Medusa herself into f¥cking stone.

And once again thank you for your posts. Especially yours Ironman.

All your posts have felt so... familiar.

I am doing much better,  but I still feel sad at times. Lonely even... because I lost a 'good' friend and lost some of our mutual friends as well.

Seeing her partying or just having fun with ex-mutual friends... .it is hard.

It is not like I don't want her to have fun. Quite the opposite perhaps, because I have seen beyond the mask. Just like you Ironman. She isn't really having fun... she still is largely empty inside. But it sure looks like she's having fun to the outside world.

But I would wish luck would be on my side as well. Just a little more happiness would be quite welcome now...

I am glad to know you are doing much better Ed. I totally get the feeling lonely due to losing her not only as a lover but as a good friend. It was the same with mine. When you write my posts have felt so familiar, you mean as they resonate with you?

[EdR]

Well, they do resonate. But they feel familiar in a literal sense: it is almost like you are another version of me, having experienced the same, and posting about it. Of course our situations are different, but that is how it feels when reading your posts.

So thank you!     

And btw I wish everyone who reads this post an awesome Christmas! (Ok... a bit early... but what the heck )