Failed Plans?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I was just responding to a post and it got me thinking on a few things.  One of them is broken or failed plans.  Does your BPD loved one constantly come up with these elaborate plans, only to have the plans fizzle out, never to be heard of again? 

Example: uBPD mom, a few weeks ago, asked me if I'd like to help her host an ugly sweater Christmas party at her house.  Knowing my mom's track record and anti-social personality, I knew this idea would not pan out.  I told her I'd help, though.  She literally has not had company in her home in at least five years, that I've known.

Anyhow, my mom posted to Facebook, trying to garner interest in the party.  Many people showed interest and my mom was spouting out all of these wonderful ideas for food and drink and games.  She text me so much I barely had time to respond.  She told me we'd go shopping for our ugly sweaters the weekend after Thanksgiving.

After that night, she never spoke of the party, again.  I went to her house on Thanksgiving and she said nothing, so I didn't bring it up, either.  Now, she's on to the next big plans that will probably never pan out, a family trip to the mountains.  Every.single.year uBPD mom plans this same trip and every.single.year it never happens.  Yet, she writes on Facebook, "Every year since my kids were little, we've gone on this trip, I'm so excited!"  We actually went ONE time.  That's it.  At this point, I just nod and smile to acknowledge her, but I know it'll never happen.

To be honest, uBPD mom never goes through with any plans at all.  Whether it's plans she creates, herself, or things she's invited to.  She always backs out at the very last minute.  If she cannot back out, she turns into a monster.  Like, a relatives wedding she was so excited for... .the day of the event it was, "A stupid, ___ing wedding.  I can't believe I've got to get dressed up and go to this ___!  I so wish I could just send a gift and stay home, that's all they want from me anyway."

So, I was wondering if this is a trademark, or just something unique to my mom?  Does anyone else have any similar experiences to share?

[SomebodyThatIUsedtoKnow]

I was just responding to a post and it got me thinking on a few things.  One of them is broken or failed plans.  Does your BPD loved one constantly come up with these elaborate plans, only to have the plans fizzle out, never to be heard of again? 

Example: uBPD mom, a few weeks ago, asked me if I'd like to help her host an ugly sweater Christmas party at her house.  Knowing my mom's track record and anti-social personality, I knew this idea would not pan out.  I told her I'd help, though.  She literally has not had company in her home in at least five years, that I've known.

Anyhow, my mom posted to Facebook, trying to garner interest in the party.  Many people showed interest and my mom was spouting out all of these wonderful ideas for food and drink and games.  She text me so much I barely had time to respond.  She told me we'd go shopping for our ugly sweaters the weekend after Thanksgiving.

After that night, she never spoke of the party, again.  I went to her house on Thanksgiving and she said nothing, so I didn't bring it up, either.  Now, she's on to the next big plans that will probably never pan out, a family trip to the mountains.  Every.single.year uBPD mom plans this same trip and every.single.year it never happens.  Yet, she writes on Facebook, "Every year since my kids were little, we've gone on this trip, I'm so excited!"  We actually went ONE time.  That's it.  At this point, I just nod and smile to acknowledge her, but I know it'll never happen.

To be honest, uBPD mom never goes through with any plans at all.  Whether it's plans she creates, herself, or things she's invited to.  She always backs out at the very last minute.  If she cannot back out, she turns into a monster.  Like, a relatives wedding she was so excited for... .the day of the event it was, "A stupid, ___ing wedding.  I can't believe I've got to get dressed up and go to this ___!  I so wish I could just send a gift and stay home, that's all they want from me anyway."

So, I was wondering if this is a trademark, or just something unique to my mom?  Does anyone else have any similar experiences to share?

[Contradancer]

Yes, kind of.  Usually it boils down to not having self-esteem to follow through, followed by bad attitude or cancelling if she can't control it. Then, the blame game begins with her way is the only right way and if it's done someone else's way it's doomed to failure.  If it succeeds, which often happens, no credit is given to those who work.

Gosh, this is complex and exhausting!

[Clearmind]

If we look at the criteria for diagnosing Borderlines it could possibly fall into the category of impulsivity. Probably sounded good to her at the time she mentioned it then it went cold as quickly as it started.

More importantly than Mum's impulsivity (which won't change) and change of plans - does this behaviour impact you Somebody? Or have you come to accept this is the way Mum is?

[mysoulishome]

Hahaha... .party planned by a BPD parent... .what could go wrong?

Your mom sounds like a delight