She's gone silent, or is this just another tactic

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

O.K. I understand the whole NC thing, and it is the best option to get over pwBPD. Myself, I’m LC with my BPDexgf. I never initiated any engagement, whether its text or phone calls, she usually does. But lately, she has been real silent. Unlike her. In past breakups she would be blowing my phone up, only to bash me once again…... and ultimately ask for a second chance after the devaluing. But after the last text from her on Christmas Day, saying she was lonely and alone. I just said “sorry”.  Nothing from her since then. Her usual routine would be if she is getting attention from someone, I would not hear from her. But the minute she isn’t……she’s engaging me.

I just wonder if she is trying to do the same thing to me, by not contacting me…to see who will give in first. I wonder if it is really upsetting her that I haven’t contacted her, even after her “lonely” text. I thought most pwBPD really came undone if you ignored them, which she has done in the past…or if this is just another tactic by a BPD.

I know that any contact is not good, but I seem to always want her to at least try. I guess so I’ll know she is at least thinking about me.

[State85]

O.K. I understand the whole NC thing, and it is the best option to get over pwBPD. Myself, I’m LC with my BPDexgf. I never initiated any engagement, whether its text or phone calls, she usually does. But lately, she has been real silent. Unlike her. In past breakups she would be blowing my phone up, only to bash me once again…... and ultimately ask for a second chance after the devaluing. But after the last text from her on Christmas Day, saying she was lonely and alone. I just said “sorry”.  Nothing from her since then. Her usual routine would be if she is getting attention from someone, I would not hear from her. But the minute she isn’t……she’s engaging me.

I just wonder if she is trying to do the same thing to me, by not contacting me…to see who will give in first. I wonder if it is really upsetting her that I haven’t contacted her, even after her “lonely” text. I thought most pwBPD really came undone if you ignored them, which she has done in the past…or if this is just another tactic by a BPD.

I know that any contact is not good, but I seem to always want her to at least try. I guess so I’ll know she is at least thinking about me.

[laelle]

I dont think that BPD's come with a generic book of instructions.  It is possible that she sent "feelers" out to several people, and got a better response out of someone else.

It is also possible that she was invited out by family or friends or her boyfriend returned.  Maybe she decided to pamper herself to a long, hot bath.

It sounds like you did a great job of being polite, keeping your boundaries of LC, as well as supporting her in her hobby.

What were you expecting?  :)o you feel disappointed at your response or her reaction?

[babyducks]

State,

I am also LC with my EX.   I understand the mental gyrations it requires because nothing is ever the way it seems.   

People who have the traits of BPD process information much differently than us "nons".   

Being in contact with my EX requires a great deal of radical acceptance on my part.   And a concentrated effort to not read into things.   

Her truth is her truth.  Mine is mine.   Because of the disorder they will never be the same truth.  I can't accept her truth because it requires twisting myself into a pretzel and she can't accept my truth because it requires acknowledging her disorder.   

That's a very difficult place to attempt to communicate from.

When we bump into each other, or I receive something from her I try and sit and be honest with my feelings.  That isn't a lot of fun.   Frequently I don't like where my feelings end up.   Which is okay.  I don't have to act on them.   I can acknowledge them and move on.

If I respond to her I do so understanding there is no predictability about what kind of response I am going to get.   For her everything gets processed through the filter of her disorder.   Not exactly rose colored glasses, more like shattered glasses.

I doubt its a tactic.   pwBPD are usually too consumed with their own volatile emotions to be concerned with some one else's.     

just my two cents.