BPD Family... thoughts on how you would handle this

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

When I was in a r/s with my uBPDexgf, she helped me paint part of my house. Now that we are not in a r/s, she wants me to help her pay for the paint she purchased. But, during our r/s, she damaged a lot of property in my house, doors, (which she has replaced), ripped up some of my clothes, and even broke some things of great sentimental value... .that cannot be replaced due to their age... .and if even they could be replaced, it would not be the same. Broken a window in front of my house. The onlly things she has replaced are the doors.

She has been out of work for about 3 mos, and has lost government assistance. I don't want to get into a text war with her on what she broke of mine versus what she paid for in paint.

She just sent me a text a few minutes ago asking if I was going to pay her back for the paint.

Thoughts on this? I know, and she hopefully does as well, that what she has damaged far outweighs the cost of the paint.

[State85]

When I was in a r/s with my uBPDexgf, she helped me paint part of my house. Now that we are not in a r/s, she wants me to help her pay for the paint she purchased. But, during our r/s, she damaged a lot of property in my house, doors, (which she has replaced), ripped up some of my clothes, and even broke some things of great sentimental value... .that cannot be replaced due to their age... .and if even they could be replaced, it would not be the same. Broken a window in front of my house. The onlly things she has replaced are the doors.

She has been out of work for about 3 mos, and has lost government assistance. I don't want to get into a text war with her on what she broke of mine versus what she paid for in paint.

She just sent me a text a few minutes ago asking if I was going to pay her back for the paint.

Thoughts on this? I know, and she hopefully does as well, that what she has damaged far outweighs the cost of the paint.

[laelle]

Sounds like an attempt to get you caught up in her issues.  Ask for a receipt for the paint, and if it is a reasonable amount pay it and be done with it.  You wont win a war with a BPD, and if you "told" her you would pay it back, then do so.  At least YOU will be living up to your promises, while setting a firm boundary (with the receipt) telling her that your debt is paid, and she needs to find someone else to guilt money from.

Just my 2 cents... .

[willtimeheal]

 If you have no desire to see this woman again tell her no and block her and be done with it.  She will never take responsibility for the money she owes you nor will she ever appreciate you helping her when she needed you too... .either pay her and cut your losses or don't but in the end block her and cut off communication. Right now it is paint soon it will be something else.

[Perfidy]

I would handle it like any other contact. With silence.

[ScotisGone74]

I would agree with Perf on this one.   Sounds like a bunch of rigamarole to keep you running in circles to me.  Honestly if you want nothing to do with her and it is only about the money owed at this point if she wants just the 'Money' bad enough she can go to file a small court claim against you, and you can reply with paying it or not.   

[fromheeltoheal]

If you said you'd do something then do it; you don't need to carry that around in your conscience, if not, ignore, she's fishing because she's broke, financially and probably emotionally.  A clean break is something we can get in lieu of real closure.

[State85]

All good advice. Funny, she's been out of work for three months... .and all of a sudden now?

I did say I would pay for the paint, but then there has been so much damage in my house it's just f'ing makes me furious she would have the b@@s to ask for this now, after what she has done.