nye

[broken but not beaten]

We spoke over the weekend,christmas and new year. She after 7 days nc by me wanted to be friends and for us to have a conversation. Pushed and pulled for 5 hours during that conversation,alternating between her blaming everything on me to telling me she wished we could get back together then retelling me why we simply can't ,I feel as though it was her opportunity to project everything she felt about herself (negative thoughts) onto me. To justify her ending of our rs.    We spoke again last night... I'm the type of guy who needs to understand and hear the truth... again she continued blaming me... only interested in her feelings and what I had done to her. Towards the end of the conversation she told me we both had issues and we were together as I simply filled a void in her life at that time. That hurt but also gave me an insight into her disordered mind... a moment on her part of true self reflection. I ended the call telling her I can handle the truth and our rs would appear to be fake from the very beginning... taking back some control realising I wasn't all to blame although she had to project that onto me.                        She rang immediately after... approx 9 times wanting to talk which I ignored followed by texts. So confusing... . sorry for the vent

[Surnia]

Hi broken

I hear your confusion about these conversations. All the push and pull. 

I think you did well by finally ending the call.

For many here the "being friend" is just not working. And after 7 days NC anyway - this is such a short time.

What are your thoughts about the near future, regarding her and next contacts?

[broken but not beaten]

My thoughts are I don't want anymore contact because its painful to hear. I doubt if she will attempt further contact after becoming angry at me for not answering her calls and told me I was deleted for good from her life.   My logical mind tells me its not healthy but my heart is stuck,I feel anxious about the future,we were ldr so thankfully won't see one another. She's the waif type from what I've read on here

[Surnia]

I think is important that you stick with NC when you feel it is better for you. She may now being angry, perhaps she will change her mind again.

Perhaps you can take a look at your fears about the future?

[broken but not beaten]

Fear of not being able to be happy or deserving of happiness,being alone. I wonder what the future looks like without her... . she was so needy but showed herself as a genuine,loving and stable woman.                         Its all really confusing to imagine a future without her,the feeling that I failed and having to carry that around.

[Cardinals in Flight]

Being friends does not work, been there, done that.  And here's why, their interpretation of "friends" means sending you mixed signals to keep you hooked, you wanting things to be as they were, them wanting you around to be useful, you jumping at every chance to take the crumbs they throw down, them relying on you for their emotional caretaking, you being depleted/sucked dry and getting no support in return, them deciding that maybe you've been as useful as you can be, you trying even harder to keep up the 'connection', them pushing you farther and farther away, you thinking to yourself, "what have I done now", them finally making you crazy enough to end things, them writing you and telling you the friendship didn't work because YOU were too dependent or "entertwined"  Yep, that's how that goes... .

Go, now, away... . Don't be here in three years like I am, learn from my ill fated faux relationship

CiF

[patientandclear]

Oh, applause, CiF!   

So happy to read those words from you. That's a true account of how it goes, & how it went for us both.

[broken but not beaten]

Wow... your words do really strike a chord... yes she wanted the emotional support disguised as friends... . I ask myself a friendship based on what? Lies,manipulation,a convenient object to dump all their cr#p onto. Now I feel angry at her and me too... her telling me after I ignored her calls to make a decision if I want her in my life or not as a friend! I didn't reply then got happy new year your deleted out of my life. Another message this morning saying sorry for her emotional breakdown last night but she got a lot out.                               I'm tired of it,so tired and exhausted... . I need to pick myself back up perhaps holding onto the anger can drive me through this and allow me to see this person I once loved is no longer healthy for me as hard to accept as that is... . I was simply someone who filled a void in her life those were her last spoken words to me