Tired of the blame game for no reason..New Years Resolution..

[Cipher13]

I' liek to make a resolution that I will take better mental care of myself... . I am tired of being blamed for stuff. Sure if I deservie it then yes blame me.

What does it take to actually become stong enough in your own self worth to know when enoug is enough. Most of all what to say when you reached that point. I know what my gyt says. But my mind says you will regret that.

[Cipher13]

Oh and I'm sick of the "Whoa is me, I am going to fail, Do somethign to make me feel better."

[Cipher13]

Oh how could I forget the grand dady of them all... . "I am upset with you"

[maxsterling]

My best to you.  From what I understand, that is just the nature of BPD.  Whatever your issue is, they will always have something greater.  You will never get the chance to just relax and deal with your own problem, let alone be truly cared for.  If I am stressed over money (because I spent it all on her), she will be *more* stressed, because she doesn't have a job.  If I have a headache, her back and stomach will hurt.  Last night, I heard my dad had to go to the hospital.  But was there time for me to process that?  Nope, because she was upset with her friend.  She basically told me flat out once that I am not allowed to complain about my life, because she has had it worse.

Good luck.  I feel we must overcome fear before we can deal with the pwBPD in a constructive way and not get destroyed in the process. 

[Pearl55]

You can never win over a borderline unless you know how their brains work!

[Seneca]

Set the boundary. Tell her that there will be a consequence if she levels false accusations at you, yells, calls you names, belittles etc. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. Refuse to listen. You have a right to peace, sanity, and feeling good. It is your responsibility to protect yourself from her. If you cannot do it while you are in relationship, you just have to leave. No matter how hard and terrible it is 

I do a mixture of validation, avoid JADE, and threatening to leave or end a conversation that crosses my boundaries. Of course, my uBPDh is on meds, and he is much more docile than some of yours' are.

I know this is horrible. And I am so sorry you are living this life. 

But reading lots of books about BPD, and hanging out in the "staying" forum and hearing from folks who have dealt with this same garbage for more than 30 yrs scared me straight. I ain't gonna waste my life babysitting. If he can't get with the program, it's gonna be over. I suggest we not waste our lives being punching bags.

[Cipher13]

And I am so sorry you are living this life

Even thought we are all living different lives they are not all really that different when it comes to BPD. We are all in this together and no one picked this to be our lives. At least I sure hope we didn't. I know I was blinded to soemthings that looking back now are  .

I feel we must overcome fear before we can deal with the pwBPD in a constructive way and not get destroyed in the process. 

This should be the statement I will try to live from. I have had fear control me for too many years and what has it got me?

The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result

And you would think the pwBPD has a mental illness. This true though. The reason this site exhists and that we are all here giving eveyone our thoughts and venting is because of fear and doing the same thing and expecting different results. At least for me that is as true as it gets.   I complain and vent yet what am I doing about it really? Nothing just the same thing I have always done. Whit the same results.

[Surnia]

 I complain and vent yet what am I doing about it really? Nothing just the same thing I have always done. Whit the same results.

Yes, the insight is here. The big question is: How can you find a way to put your insight in practice.

[Cipher13]

They say know is half the battle. That doesn't mean the second half is easier. Trust in myslef that it will be ok? That lasts as long as the next rage usually. I have handles som before and came out the stronger fo rit. Others I have no faired as well and possibley in those I have been stripped of the confidence I had once gained. But that is how life is sometimes. Just does it have to be this difficult?

[Surnia]

No, for many of us the second half is not easier. It needs steady practice. Not once and go back to the old style of handling it. With the energy from the first attempt you can nourish the next. And a good way is to find something which fuels your energy - like some exercising.

With steady practice our brain can change. With some practice sometimes not so much.

[Cipher13]

I have made agrave error I think in this. I have given my wife the green light that I am willing to move again back to where she claims she was most happy. I can agree with there on that it did provide us a little more happiness in that we did more things we liked. However the whole thought of selling a house and moving across the country and finding a new job sickends me.  I think I could make more $ there and I would have things I like to do there and be happy. But I'm not sure I want to deal with everything that is involed in making that happen anymore. I will about end any chance I might be thinking about having a realtionship with my family again. Certainly won't make that happen any easier.

[amja77]

She basically told me flat out once that I am not allowed to complain about my life, because she has had it worse.

Wow, I am so sick of the "I have had it worse" card. Any time I have an issue, he makes me feel like I don't deserve to be upset or concerned because "I haven't lived the way he has... . I was given everything on a silver platter... . I was spoiled all of my life." I'm just sick of that. It's just an excuse for him to not have to take any responsibility for any of his actions because, in his mind, he just had a horrible life, therefore, nothing that goes wrong is not his fault. So sick of it.

[GaGrl]

I have made agrave error I think in this. I have given my wife the green light that I am willing to move again back to where she claims she was most happy. I can agree with there on that it did provide us a little more happiness in that we did more things we liked. However the whole thought of selling a house and moving across the country and finding a new job sickends me.  I think I could make more $ there and I would have things I like to do there and be happy. But I'm not sure I want to deal with everything that is involed in making that happen anymore. I will about end any chance I might be thinking about having a realtionship with my family again. Certainly won't make that happen any easier.

You are allowed to tell her that, having re-thought this decision, you have changed your mind.

Really.  You are allowed to have your own opinion and position.

Yes, she will rage.  But you know that, and you know she will rage over another topic even if you green-light the move.  So... . ?

[Cipher13]

I know. I know. Yet I still give her about what ever she wants and I hate myself for it at my own expense.