Felt so strong yesterday

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I felt so strong yesterday, even empowered. Yet today I find myself crying & not wanting to feel this way. Discarded with no second thought or regard to my feelings. No I'm sorry no nothing. I know I need to just sit with the pain but it honestly sucks. To be devalued sucks.

[Lol4fun]

I felt so strong yesterday, even empowered. Yet today I find myself crying & not wanting to feel this way. Discarded with no second thought or regard to my feelings. No I'm sorry no nothing. I know I need to just sit with the pain but it honestly sucks. To be devalued sucks.

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Lol4fun,

I completely understand what you are going through. I'm in the middle of it myself. Some days you feel strong and able to move foreword and to what it takes to be healthy for you. And then the next day you feel weak and sad and  want to return to this dysfunctional mess. It usually happens to me when something triggers a positive thought or memory of my wife.

The back and forth of emotions can make you feel crazy. But I think it's normal.

My wife and I are supposed to be separated and promised to work on the relationship. I now know that after JUST one week she started sleeping around and has been with multiple men. And yet she still lies to my face and pretends we are still married. Even with all THAT and so so many lies and chaos over the years (check out my story on the new members intro page) I get moments of weakness just as you described. It's a slow process. The main thing is that you do have strong days. Build on them and don't punish yourself when you slip back. This is HARD.

[Naddred369]

Hi,

Yes, I think its normal. Ive felt really strong this last week.

Last night I dreamt of her, it was so real.

After that ive been a mess all day, crying, wanting her back.

You mind will only allow you to process the pain when you can take it I think, so when yoi get a bit stronger, more emotion is proxessed.

Being abandoned and devalued is awful.

Stay strong.

[santa]

Expect it to continue for awhile. That's just how it is.

It's when I've felt the strongest that I've had sudden collapses for no apparent reason. What you have to do is try to weather the storm when you are feeling weaker and try to not do to much dwelling on it. Then, when you regain your strength and feel good again, you can carry on easier without regretting things you did in your weaker state.

Try not to drink. It will only make things worse.

You'll find your weaker moments getting farther and farther apart and with less intensity as time goes on.

I'm not completely "over it" yet, but I feel a lot better more consistently than I did a couple of months ago.

[laelle]

I understand how you feel Lol4fun, I really do... .

SeekingAdvice is spot on.  It is completely normal to feel the way you do.  Some days our strengths show, and other days our vulnerabilities.  They are both detrimental in the grieving process.  On the strong days shout, and on the sad days cry if you need to... .  Two steps forward and one back... . but your still headed forward.

For me, on the strong days I am able to externalize my anger... RAWR!, and on the sad days... I learn to trust myself.  I am sad, but I am still here.  As the sad times come and go, I know that I will survive.  My relationship took all the things that I knew about me away, but I am learning how to trust myself again one tear at a time.

 

[fromheeltoheal]

Detachment and healing are not linear.  Sometimes I've felt like I'm completely over her for a while, then I'll have a bad day and I'm back in the emotions again.  I used to think I was healing 'wrong' when that happened, but eventually let myself off the hook and just kept on keepin on.  Another thing I've noticed, having gone through a lot of cycles like that, is the lessons are always different; I now consider that healing, where I go through a period of good, crap shows up, but different crap, or a different way of looking at the same thing, and I take that to mean I've evolved to whatever next level there is.  It takes what it takes, and the way to enjoy the growth is to decide to.

[seeking balance]

I felt so strong yesterday, even empowered. Yet today I find myself crying & not wanting to feel this way. Discarded with no second thought or regard to my feelings. No I'm sorry no nothing. I know I need to just sit with the pain but it honestly sucks. To be devalued sucks.

Yes, it does suck.  Many of us have been where you are and you are not alone in feeling this way.

You already know to sit with the pain, it will pass and you won't feel this way forever, but in that moment, sucks is the best description.



,

SB