really suffering

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am suffering quite badly and afflicted with panic attacks and show signs of ptsd . I am getting into counseling , unable to deal with the level of deceit. I am opened my heart and feel so betrayed. I dont seek revenge or malice I just dont understand why someone could do this to somebody else.  I feel very sad for her.

[partyhat]

I am suffering quite badly and afflicted with panic attacks and show signs of ptsd . I am getting into counseling , unable to deal with the level of deceit. I am opened my heart and feel so betrayed. I dont seek revenge or malice I just dont understand why someone could do this to somebody else.  I feel very sad for her.

[Mazda]

I am suffering quite badly and afflicted with panic attacks and show signs of ptsd . I am getting into counseling , unable to deal with the level of deceit. I am opened my heart and feel so betrayed. I dont seek revenge or malice I just dont understand why someone could do this to somebody else.  I feel very sad for her.

Hang in there, it gets easier.  Learn more about BPD and it will all start to make sense and then you will be thankful you are no longer with her.  Unless she is getting treatment, there is no need to feel sorry for her.  She has an illness that causes her to hurt others and she has a responsibility to get treatment or not interact with people as to hurt them.  Stay strong, you are better off and time will prove that to you. X

[fromheeltoheal]

I am suffering quite badly and afflicted with panic attacks and show signs of ptsd . I am getting into counseling , unable to deal with the level of deceit. I am opened my heart and feel so betrayed. I dont seek revenge or malice I just dont understand why someone could do this to somebody else.  I feel very sad for her.

First off, it's not about you, she's doing the best she can with a disordered personality.  Next, over time you may come to see she's a sick person and not a bad one, although obviously the behaviors are very hurtful.  If you haven't read the articles on this site yet, do so right away, starting with this one https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves .  They will start to give you an understanding of why a borderline does what they do, which helped me a lot in my detaching and healing.

[Learning_curve74]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, partyhat. I went back and read your intro post and totally identify with being betrayed by a BPD waif. She makes you out to be her whole world, but then she needs to cheat with other guys to fill the BPD emptiness and feel relief from her abandonment fears, thus ironically driving you away and fulfilling exactly what she fears most.

Edit: I just saw heal posted that other article about how a BPD love relationship evolves. If you haven't read that yet, please read that first, it explains so much!

Have you read this article: Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder. In it there are ten beliefs that can get you stuck:

1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness

2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel

3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by some circumstance or by you

4) Belief that love can prevail

5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"

6) Clinging to the words that were said

7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder

9) Belief that you need to stay to help them

10) Belief that they have seen the light

Do you think any of these apply to your personal situation, partyhat?

Anybody in your situation would feel many of the things you're feeling: anxiety and PTSD symptoms -- I know I have. It's not wrong, just something you will work through. Hang in there.  

[Turkish]

I am suffering quite badly and afflicted with panic attacks and show signs of ptsd . I am getting into counseling , unable to deal with the level of deceit. I am opened my heart and feel so betrayed. I dont seek revenge or malice I just dont understand why someone could do this to somebody else.  I feel very sad for her.

Hello, partyhat. I've been feeling the same way. I know it will get better (it has... . a tiny bit... . for me). Realize that ultimately it has nothing to do with you. The pain she brought with her, while we can trigger it, is theirs and theirs alone. Anyone close to them will (not can, will) trigger it.

Mine's three worst fears are:

1. Everybody Cheats

2. Everybody Abandons

3. Being Alone

She projected onto me #2, equating me with her father (she said, "it felt just like my father!". In reality, she did 1 and 2. Pretty soon, she will be #3, though that is the easiest one to medicate away (she already has, but it won't last long).

They manifest their worst fears, in addition to their anger (pain) and then mete them out upon their loves ones.

Given that, can you see that it has nothing to do with you? They project fear, nothing more.

[partyhat]

Thanks for the advice I have read alot of what you guys have suggested.  Its hard at the moment because its so fresh, and also that we never argued either ,I treated her well. I never raised my voice or did anything but could see the trouble coming.  The sheer nastiness and deceit I know its not me, the only thing I have to own is my codependent behavior and that is something I have to work on. It is so like Jekyll and hide and very scary.