kind of concerned

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I don't want this to turn into a child custody thread.  I do have to give a background on it to get to my point/question regarding upcoming BPD behaviors.

My exBPDf has always had a strong but unhealthy bond with my son (8).  Since the split she has only allowed me to see him 2 hours a week, if at all.  This is killing me, and her dad and I are trying to iron out a custody agreement with a consent order for me to see my child.

Her mom I believe is BPD and she also withheld her and her siblings from her dad  when they were young.  So he knows that her alienating me has been wrong.  Yesterday, I finally sunk it in to him that he was my only hope and he could talk sense in to her because IF we went to court I would definately get much more if not 50/50 than the 8 hours a month I am getting now, and the judge will not like hearing that at all.

Anyway, would this anger, this fear of abandonment for her child, would this jealousy that I will start to FINALLY have a RS with my son (something she tried to hinder while we were together i.e talking bad about me to him, not letting us go places on our own, sleeping together, showering together, etc), would all of this start her BPD cycles in motion... . anger, fear , rage, projection, gasligthting?

I need to know if I need to be very careful in the upcoming weeks as it pertains to her?  She is dangerous

Thansk,

Arn

[arn131arn]

I don't want this to turn into a child custody thread.  I do have to give a background on it to get to my point/question regarding upcoming BPD behaviors.

My exBPDf has always had a strong but unhealthy bond with my son (8).  Since the split she has only allowed me to see him 2 hours a week, if at all.  This is killing me, and her dad and I are trying to iron out a custody agreement with a consent order for me to see my child.

Her mom I believe is BPD and she also withheld her and her siblings from her dad  when they were young.  So he knows that her alienating me has been wrong.  Yesterday, I finally sunk it in to him that he was my only hope and he could talk sense in to her because IF we went to court I would definately get much more if not 50/50 than the 8 hours a month I am getting now, and the judge will not like hearing that at all.

Anyway, would this anger, this fear of abandonment for her child, would this jealousy that I will start to FINALLY have a RS with my son (something she tried to hinder while we were together i.e talking bad about me to him, not letting us go places on our own, sleeping together, showering together, etc), would all of this start her BPD cycles in motion... . anger, fear , rage, projection, gasligthting?

I need to know if I need to be very careful in the upcoming weeks as it pertains to her?  She is dangerous

Thansk,

Arn

[heartandwhole]

Hi arn,

Yes, I think the changing of custody rules could very well trigger abandonment fears in your ex.  It might be a good idea to make a plan, with your lawyer, so that there if there is significant blowback from your ex, you have recourse and basic steps to take. 

In other words, only one person will be reacting, not both of you.