Just checked her FB and nothing has changed

[Ironmanrises]

It's natural to want to make sense of this. My ex would write 'I'm Free!' and post spiritual self-help stuff that she was doing the opposite of. Another mask. Well, guess which one of us is still stuck in the loops of the past, and who is moving on to something better? Those are her songs, arn. What are yours?

Mine did the same in round 2. She was posting "personal development in progress" while destroying me. All her enablers(friends/family/sycophants) were applauding her. She lapped up the attention like a dog dying of thirst. Such revolting behavior. She would have ZERO friends had they really known what was happening.

[State85]

I guess the thing is that if they fail we will feel validated, just like if we fail they feel validated.  That's why we keep going back to Facebook to see if they're failing, but few people will broadcast their failures there, so we never actually get satisfaction from Facebook. Instead each person hides their failures to make sure the other 'doesn't get validation   so that just makes Facebook a vicious circle of  illusions. 

I've found FB to be so fake. My exgf uses it to make herself out be something she isn't. She posts everything, needs to be acknowledged... . "look at me, look at me"

How did you feel about it when you were dating her? Did you ever call her out on her Facebook usage ( ie pretending to be someone else). I've found that if someone uses me in pictures to construct some kind of happy go lucky image of themselves with tons of friends that it feels really invasive.

I never went so far as to pretend to be someone else and call her out on it. I did mention to her that she was on there an awful lot, that it’s her life. Of course she just denied that. Her big hang-up with me is that I never acknowledged her on FB, either by “liking” something or commenting on it. This would lead to huge arguments. She did use me in pictures though. We have broken up three times (3rd being this one, which will be the last one), and each time, here come the pictures of the new guy. Which of course she denied they were dating, they were just friends…... yada, yada, yada, I’m not stupid to believe that.

[caughtnreleased]

Facebook is a relationship nightmare if you're dating a pd because it's takes a certain amount of maturity to refrain from playing those silly little mind games, which pwBPD don't have.  I think my ex and the replacement are both playing those games with eachother! Better to use our energy on more productive things

[shellsh0cked]

I guess in my prior post I should have included this information... .

Back in 96 I dated this same chick that wrecked my life (should have learned).  She was really shallow back then especially and chose this peckerhead... . let's call him Franz... . over me because she thought he was hot.  The most devoid of personality shmuck I had ever met.  Most everyone I knew agreed.  Well, she broke my heart back then too, but she wasn't this whack job freak that we know today.  Fastforward to 2012... . after the breakup over the 15 year old girl ogling accusation... . she has blocked me and deleted me... . So have I.  One of my friends tells me that she has gone 300 miles away to be with this m0ther___er.  I'm like "who cares" right?  Inside it's burning me like acid!  I am going through the news feed... . not even stalking his profile... . and I see something that @sshole has posted on FB about M on a friend's page.  And his profile picture?  It's the two of them on the beach.  WOW... . I freaking LOST it... . I stared at it for just about 10 seconds and blew up.  I kicked my desk and smashed my $30 keyboard... . (yes childish).  Cut my fingers on the jagged plastic... . I was so freaking hurt.  This was like 3 weeks after we break up.  Over her stupid @ss insecurity and delusions no less... . and she's all good now?  And she's with this guy!  Not only this guy but Franz!  Knowing her like I do... . undoubtably being physical with him... . Holy crap... . how low can you go?  :)id you think this out to do the maximum damage to my spirit?  Others told me that she had changed her profile picture to this too.  Said later that he did it when her account was opened up.  Sorry I don't buy it.  She did it to deliberately hurt me.  There is no limit to her cruelty.  That's something I finally figured out.  I am never surprised by that.  

Point being is this man... . she's a borderline... . she's gonna do mean, hateful, and nasty things.  And you're just gonna get pissed off and get your emotions in a tizz.  Not worth the damage to your psyche.  Why not just take a break from FB altoghether?  Turn the account off till things get better.  I'd sure delete her though for sure before doing that.  Breaking away will be a rush of relief for you man... . Trust me.  

[State85]

Shellshocked,

I have in the past just deactivated my account for a break. Man, once she found that out... . it was hell. Why get all in a rage because I deactivated MY account. She says "you can't do that"... . really, its my account. She has numerous friends on FB, and probably doesn't even actually "know" half of them. It's a status thing for her I guess. I believe she gets all bent out of shape when I did that, because now I can't see what she is posting and she can't hurt me... .

[Ironmanrises]

Shellshocked,

I have in the past just deactivated my account for a break. Man, once she found that out... . it was hell. Why get all in a rage because I deactivated MY account. She says "you can't do that"... . really, its my account. She has numerous friends on FB, and probably doesn't even actually "know" half of them. It's a status thing for her I guess. I believe she gets all bent out of shape when I did that, because now I can't see what she is posting and she can't hurt me... .

Because she can't stalk you on social media if you deactivated your account. Mine stalked  meafter she left me the first time. Watched everything I did and didn't do on my social media in the interim time period between rounds 1 and 2. Took screen shots of what I was writing in public pages. Then used those very screen shots as part of her re-engagement of me in round 2 and said, "You hurt me by posting these things about me". Right. Nevermind what she put me through. It is all about control.

[State85]

Shellshocked,

I have in the past just deactivated my account for a break. Man, once she found that out... . it was hell. Why get all in a rage because I deactivated MY account. She says "you can't do that"... . really, its my account. She has numerous friends on FB, and probably doesn't even actually "know" half of them. It's a status thing for her I guess. I believe she gets all bent out of shape when I did that, because now I can't see what she is posting and she can't hurt me... .

Because she can't stalk you on social media if you deactivated your account. Mine stalked  meafter she left me the first time. Watched everything I did and didn't do on my social media in the interim time period between rounds 1 and 2. Took screen shots of what I was writing in public pages. Then used those very screen shots as part of her re-engagement of me in round 2 and said, "You hurt me by posting these things about me". Right. Nevermind what she put me through. It is all about control.

Totally agree on the control... .

[arn131arn]

I don't even have a FB account. I log onto my cousin's account.  I told him once to change the password and never give it back to me, I guess he forgot... . time to remind him though

[myself]

I don't even have a FB account. I log onto my cousin's account.  I told him once to change the password and never give it back to me, I guess he forgot... . time to remind him though

Time to remind yourself it sets you back when you look at her stuff, but moves you forward when you look at your own. It's not up to your cousin to set your boundaries.

[fromheeltoheal]

If the goal is detachment, meaning you detach emotionally to the point that whatever she does or says has little to no effect on your emotional well being, then you'd probably agree you're not there yet.

So spend some time beating yourself up, say 15 minutes, and then get back to positive detachment.  What were you thinking/doing before you looked at her page?  What do you need to do differently next time?  What was good about that Facebook experience?  How can what you went through in the last day help you detach?  What about what you saw confirmed her pathology and the fact you don't want to be with her or 'save' her?

 

[shellsh0cked]

We were on our way to Thanksgiving at her mom's house (same weekend of the incredible boobs incident)    ... . no really funny   ... . and she had been accusing me all day about deleting something from my facebook wall.  I hadn't a clue as to what she was talking about.  She had this crappy little phone that wasn't even a smart phone.  I told her whatever was there was still there unless the poster had deleted it.  She raked me over to coals about for about an hour.  I wanted to get off the next exit and put her out of the car.  I told her that it was probably that her phone didn't display the data the same way as it did on her computer at work.  She would have none of this... . Course as soon as we got there I pulled it up on her mom's computer and showed her.  She actually apologized and felt foolish.  Bear in mind this was the very last day before things really went to sh!t and started spiraling out of control which is why she even bothered apologizing.  

Another time I posted a ;-) at a friend in response to something I posted... . as in jest of what I was saying.  She said that was because I was flirting with her and wanted to have sex with her.  What?  WHAT?  WHATTT?  Okay... . I winked at my friend De#### too (guy).  Guess I wanted to have sex with him too.     

She read into everything too…crazy stuff.  One of the guys at work quoted something from Anchorman that I thought was funny….Something like “works 60% of all of the time”…or something like that.  Hate that movie... didn't know it was from it... . ll, I posted it as my status…she comes back asking me about the quote…I was just like…um someone said it at work?  Apparently it must have had some sinister meaning…I quoted some nonsense ZZ TOP lyrics once on there deliberately…. because I KNEW they were such nonsense that even she couldn’t read into them and maybe tha would be a "safe" post... . …Boy never underestimate a BPD.  She found something in it!  Never would tell me what…I just quit using it because of the way she kept punishing me for it.  

“throttle in a bottle baby I don’t care…my canned icon gimmie plenty o air”…Crucifixx A Flatt…ZZ TOP...

What could someone come up with from that?  I just thought it was a cool song... .

[Ironmanrises]

Another time I posted a ;-) at a friend in response to something I posted... . as in jest of what I was saying.  She said that was because I was flirting with her and wanted to have sex with her.  What?  WHAT?  WHATTT?  Okay... . I winked at my friend De#### too (guy).  Guess I wanted to have sex with him too.     

She read into everything too…crazy stuff.  

Mine did the same too. She would monitor my facebook/IG activity during round 1 heavily. I remember telling her(and this was before she had even come into my life that I had this female friend that I once had a "crush" on, but that friend didn't like me in that way) and we would always like and comment on each other's stuff(totally platonic). My exUBPDgf(Medusa) would go BATSH*T every time she saw that friend of mine commenting/liking my stuff. Literally BATSH*T. I remember telling her, "I ONCE had a crush had on her, meaning PAST TENSE and she(that friend) DOES NOT like me or view me in that way," Her response, "It doesn't matter that she doesn't like you like that, the fact that YOU once did BOTHERS me." I remember thinking "What the heck?" For real? How can I defend myself against a logic like that? I couldn't. I had no knowledge yet at that time of BPD.

[shellsh0cked]

Another time I posted a ;-) at a friend in response to something I posted... . as in jest of what I was saying.  She said that was because I was flirting with her and wanted to have sex with her.  What?  WHAT?  WHATTT?  Okay... . I winked at my friend De#### too (guy).  Guess I wanted to have sex with him too.     

She read into everything too…crazy stuff.  

Mine did the same too. She would monitor my facebook/IG activity during round 1 heavily. I remember telling her(and this was before she had even come into my life that I had this female friend that I once had a "crush" on, but that friend didn't like me in that way) and we would always like and comment on each other's stuff(totally platonic). My exUBPDgf(Medusa) would go BATSH*T every time she saw that friend of mine commenting/liking my stuff. Literally BATSH*T. I remember telling her, "I ONCE had a crush had on her, meaning PAST TENSE and she(that friend) DOES NOT like me or view me in that way," Her response, "It doesn't matter that she doesn't like you like that, the fact that YOU once did BOTHERS me." I remember thinking "What the heck?" For real? How can I defend myself against a logic like that? I couldn't. I had no knowledge yet at that time of BPD.

Oh... . I forgot about attempting to break into my email accounts wehn we broke up... . Making fake accounts to spy on me... . sending me hatemail with made up email addresses.  It goes on and on.  She hasn't bothered me though since she went to jail for forking up my car.  My xgf is a textbook case.  Of the nine signs, I say she has 7.  Her sister said she had all 9... . although she's in denial about it now and won'teven discuss it.  Not my problem anymore anyway.  She brought it up the other night... . I just said that she's "very sick" and there was nothing I could have done for her, and that only she can do anything (meaning M)... .