Reminding yourself "It's not you"

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

For me personally about twice a week I still go over everything in my head and thought of what I could've done differently... . my exBD had me so convinced that I was abusive, manipulative, a liar, a narcissist just to name a few that I lost all my self worth and gained 100 pounds... . She was projecting, yes. However till this day I still have moments of wondering, was it me?

It's so easy to ask yourself that when you see them doing so well and are "happily-in-love" with your replacement... .

Does anyone on here feel like that? Its been about 6 months NC and I still feel that way... .

[magichat101]

For me personally about twice a week I still go over everything in my head and thought of what I could've done differently... . my exBD had me so convinced that I was abusive, manipulative, a liar, a narcissist just to name a few that I lost all my self worth and gained 100 pounds... . She was projecting, yes. However till this day I still have moments of wondering, was it me?

It's so easy to ask yourself that when you see them doing so well and are "happily-in-love" with your replacement... .

Does anyone on here feel like that? Its been about 6 months NC and I still feel that way... .

[MrFox]

Yes, I still do this at times.  Mine comes from co-dependency issues in myself.  Have you thought of looking into co-dependency?  BPD and co-dependency go very "well" together.  And, by that, I mean they attract each other.  Not well as in good.

I'm a co-dependent caregiver, I was taught at an early age that I was suppose to be responsible for my mother's emotions.  That transferred to my relationships with women.  It's second nature for me to assume all the blame.  The reality is that I'm responsible for what I did and my exBPDgf is responsible for what she did.  Could doing things different given us more time?  Probably.  Would it meant happily, ever after?  No.  I'm certain that it wouldn't.  Two half-people don't make a whole person.

[Tolou]

Sorry to hear that.  That is definitely not healthy that you continue to go over this in your head and blame yourself, or wonder what could have been.  There is a reason why your realationship with this person did not work out.  Things may appear to be happy in her life with another person, and if they are?  You need to move forward and hopefulyl find the same for yourself one day.  Maybe getting back in the gym, working out, and working on yourself will help.  All easier said then done, however just remember how irrational things when were, how the pain felt to the pit of your stomach, and honestly... . It takes two to tango, but you when you are with an individual who has a personality disorder, that if they do, their behaviors are mal-adaptive and affect those around them.  I don't known if you have seeked counseling, that maybe a good idea, to gain some insight.  However, 6 months no contact show you have strength, regardless of whom initiated that no contact.

You can find healthier people in life, she is not the only fish in the sea.  The real work begins when you start to think of yourself and what you need, instead of trying to figure them out.  They were that way before you met, you were attracted because you familiar with somethng in one another, most likely.  If not, you would not have stayed, those are learned behaviors.  You need to learn healthier coping techniques, and don't put yourself in a further hole... . Try thinking, what will my life be like without this person and if I met someone healthier?

[RecycledNoMore]

I get where your coming from but

It was me too, we were a perfect storm of disfunction

Bpd+ codependant

He used to say I was like finding a missing piece to his puzzle...

True, but in a horrific,mind bending sort of way

Abandoned child meets lonley child...

It wasnt me, it wasnt him.

Its was us.

[State85]

I'm pretty sure mine is telling all of her enabling friends, and the replacement(s) that it was not her... . but me.

[santa]

This actually just happened to me. I walked outside and started thinking about something I could have taken blame for. Then, I stopped myself and just said to myself that it wasn't my fault and stopped thinking about it. I need to start doing that all the time.

[myself]

Some of it was me. Most of it was her.

She can live her lies, I'd rather live the truth.

The nightmare of 'they're right' is over. We woke up.

[maxen]

Some of it was me. Most of it was her.

She can live her lies, I'd rather live the truth.

The nightmare of 'they're right' is over. We woke up.