Two months

[Perfidy]

have passed since the last time BPDex gf tried to contact me. It was a little over a month before that. Neither time did I respond. I think I did it. I think she has the message that I've wanted to give her since the first time I wanted her gone out of my life. That was about a month after I met her. Holy crap! Almost ten years ago now. What a trip! I will pay attention to that gut feeling from now on. I will look at the whole person and not just see what I want. I will begin by looking for the things that I don't want, and if undesirable qualities exist, I will move on without looking back. I'll only hit it once or twice. A learning experience? I dunno... Seems more like a sentence served. I feel like a man that has been freed. A little residual PTSD and I'm working on that. Managing my feelings is the most useful thing I can take from this. I practice new ways of not reacting to negative feelings. I have learned how behavior is determined. I have learned how thought, feeling and behavior are connected. I have learned how to focus my thoughts outside of myself when I have bad feelings. This is one of the most useful things. When I have a thought that is going to produce a negative feeling in me, I divert my attention to something outside of myself. This takes practice. It works well for me. I know what triggers my negative feelings, I prepare myself. If something sneaks up on me, it's like second nature now to not be affected by it. I want to share this. Wearing clothing that hugs me and massages me when I move around creates a pleasant sensation that I focus on. No. I don't wear nylons. It's a base layer for an extreme cold weather system of clothing. Top and bottom. It's something outside of myself that is with me most of the day. Crazy, but whatever works, and it does work. There's a whole book I could write but I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.

[sun seeker]

 Perfidy

Man your post killed me bro." You dont wear nylons" .

Sounds like you got a plan man. Stick to it.

[Turkish]

 it's ok if you wear nylons,  Perfidy.   Whatever works, we're here for you!

[Free2Bee]

I enjoyed reading your thoughts, perfidy. I find the mindful techniques have been key in getting through this. Didn't know about the nylons, but I'll try that too ;-) But seriously, nicely done on all the progress you've made in understanding yourself better.