How to keep things in perspective

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

How do you keep things in perspective when you both belong to the same online social/writing critique board and may "run into each other?" We’ve both been absent from it this past year, but I’ve been wanting to connect with people there again and share, etc. (We’ve had NC with each other for over a year now). I browse there a lot, but haven't put any of my work out there in a while…though have been considering it.

Now, though, I just noticed he responded to a “catch up with people” thread (I have not, but I have been absent and could... . ) and read that his elderly mother died last year and he'd like to come back to the boards at some point. I knew she was ill and had been wondering about her….

Feeling vulnerable about putting my writing on the critique board now. I used to have so much fun on this board. Ex-uBPD and I used to write together. I could see him “pretending” we have no history and doing a thorough critique. Maybe that's a good thing? He retreated way back when, so being ignored is expected. I've made a lot of progress reading these boards, etc…and want to continue this way and maintain good, healthy boundaries.

Any words of wisdom?

[Amber3]

How do you keep things in perspective when you both belong to the same online social/writing critique board and may "run into each other?" We’ve both been absent from it this past year, but I’ve been wanting to connect with people there again and share, etc. (We’ve had NC with each other for over a year now). I browse there a lot, but haven't put any of my work out there in a while…though have been considering it.

Now, though, I just noticed he responded to a “catch up with people” thread (I have not, but I have been absent and could... . ) and read that his elderly mother died last year and he'd like to come back to the boards at some point. I knew she was ill and had been wondering about her….

Feeling vulnerable about putting my writing on the critique board now. I used to have so much fun on this board. Ex-uBPD and I used to write together. I could see him “pretending” we have no history and doing a thorough critique. Maybe that's a good thing? He retreated way back when, so being ignored is expected. I've made a lot of progress reading these boards, etc…and want to continue this way and maintain good, healthy boundaries.

Any words of wisdom?

[fromheeltoheal]

I say the main thing is to take care of you.  

Lots of people preach no contact, which would mean staying off the site, or maybe there's a way to block him on it?  Another take, which worked for me, is to have limited contact like that; I had learned about BPD and done some healing when she contacted me again, and by then her bullsht was transparent and a big turn-off, so that kind of contact once you've got your feet on the ground can actually be good and help you detach.

And another stance is that you enjoyed posting to that site, so screw him, we do what we want.  :)enying someone the power they once had over you is empowering in its own right, plus it's a good test to see how far detached you are.

[Amber3]

Heal,

Thank you for those words of wisdom... . no, no way to block him on that site.

I haven’t been “tested” as he’s never contacted me and may never, but I do hope as I continue to learn about BPD, and I've learned a ton already….I'll be at the place you are to be able to see thru any smoke and mirrors of any limited contact…seeing that would help me further detach... . oh yes. It'd be a great reminder of what I went thru. I did enjoy it on that board, so screw him, do what I want... . yeah. He has no power here... . as Glinda told the wicked witch of the West!

I agree, it's so important to take care of me... . yep. I remind myself every day... .