I made a mistake and told her to get a job

[gary seven]

Well, as if my weekend wasn't bad enough with me having to temper her postulations and orations and filibustering about how bad the public school experience is in front of my oldest and sensitive son as we all struggled to work on his science fair project, and my uncertainty if I will remain in my job or be cut, I  naively thought I had a good message today , when our spiritual leader had made contact over the weekend with someone  who might potentially offer my BPDs an opportunity to get out of the house for some part time work.

I didn't even get three seconds into a praise of the contact before  I was handed a 20 minute a^# -whooping on the phone of why she is incapable of working, how she has to be "on call "for all three kids at all times, how it would cost a net 50 bucks to my salary if she worked and we hired someone full time to run the kids around, and did I know that she had already run a mock tax return based on her making wages which would bump us up a tax bracket?  And that her parent would just pay the difference for the money I lost?

I may get fired, and may have to leave this town to look for employment elsewhere from this job because of her.  That would equal no money.  So who's going to earn it?  Not her, by gum.  In my city there are several competitors in this job market who already dislike me because of her.

  I never imagined a life as a vagrant professional (but if I were a rock and roll singer, or a crooner in a jazz band, or some other itinerant performer I would'a), forcing my kids to stop and start  and move hundreds of miles every couple of years, " to get a new start and a new life together,"  because of her illness.  This is the third job change  because of her.

Didn't  I know both her therapist and her psychiatrist told her she should file for disability, she asked?  And that if you ever work then you are disqualified?  "Think of the thousands we could get."  Money can't buy me love.  Money can't buy me any happiness, either it seems. 

I guess I'll hang my tears out to dry.  This relationship really is not going to work. 

[arn131arn]

Hey Gary, I understand ur frustration with trying your hardest to provide. To provide and made feel like you are underappreciated. It truly does suck. I killed myslef and never even got a thank you. At least you got a 20 min dissertation about how she couldn't work. I got the silent treatment, complete silence when I mentioned financial help... . her dysregulation couldn't handle a grown up conversation about finances

[Surnia]

Hi gary

I hear your frustration about the whole burden being the only one working. I was there too in my shattered marriage. 

The only thing you can do is offering an opportunity like you did.

Is there anything you can do to protect your own job from her influence?

[gary seven]

Sorry for the long lag to respond, my part of the country was immobilized by snowmageddon.

To Surnia:

I wish any of the jobs I have had in the last 10 years could have been better protected.  My not understanding the right diagnosis of a BPD spouse had woven itself into my fiber because I thought she's so smart, why is she just not normal?

I am going to have to transfer jobs again, shortly.  Part of the reason again is her.  I don't like having to start over in middle age three times in four years.  It really gets exhausting.