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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Hopefully a little encouragement...  (Read 363 times)
recoil
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Posts: 259


« on: January 28, 2014, 07:36:15 PM »

It's been almost a year since I stood up for myself and walked away from a bad "relationship".  In the months to follow, I was glued to this board.  There were attempts to reach out to me that I ignored.  There was a time when I almost considered stepping back into the ring for another round.  Luckily, I held firm in my resolve to stay away.  I'd like to thank all the posters during that time.  While I contributed somewhat, I was able to receive the support I needed by reading other people's posts and experiences.  I learned so much by paying attention to others.  I am so grateful.

I am happy to report that my life has resumed.  I am truly happier now.  It's so nice to be on level ground again.  No more push/pull.  I still see her from time to time at work but I'm so removed from the interaction, I no longer feel emotions toward her (no hate, no love).  Her power over me, the power I gave her, is completely gone.

For all the new people, please keep your eyes on the horizon.  Life has ups and downs.  You may be feeling "down" right now but as time progresses and you take the steps you need toward your future, you will find yourself walking out of the current "down" and into the next "up".  Life is change and ups and downs will always come our way.  But keep your chin up and keep walking.  The next chapter of your life isn't that far ahead and you're in control of the pace and direction.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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Cimbaruns
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 204



« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2014, 08:15:14 PM »

Thanks for the great post recoil.

I'm so happy that you are in that "better" place... . that's  great

I'm sure it was a long and difficult road you traveled... . but look at where you are !

I for one appreciate all that everyone here has offered... . it is helping me on my long and winding road.

I hope a year from now I am thanking you all again ... . and that I too will be in that happier place!

Peace
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heartandwhole
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2014, 03:45:13 PM »

Congratulations recoil, I'm so glad that you posted this, it's always great to hear good news.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'd love to know: was there something that you did (or didn't do) that helped you the most in your healing?  Or a series of little things?

Thank you for sharing!

heart 
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
recoil
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« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2014, 07:47:07 PM »

Bibliotherapy.

I read over ten books on BPD (see below).  My favorite was Understanding the Borderline Mother.  A big turning point for me was reading The Buddha and the Borderline.  With that book came the true death of my "false hope".  I also had a few consultations with AJ Mahari for some "fine turning" of my thinking.

So, for me, a bunch of reading and a few consults with AJ.  I spent every waking moment here on bpdfamily.  I also read every post 2010 put online -- multiple times.

Here is my booklist (not in order read):

The Buddha and the Borderline

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist:  How to end the drama and get on with life.

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy

The Seven Levels of Intimacy

Let Go Now - Embracing Detachment

Codependent No More

The Practicing Mind

Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life

High Conflict Couple

The White Knight Syndrome

I Hate You - Dont Leave Me

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Stop Walking on Eggshells

For Your Own Good - Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

Understanding the Borderline Mother

Recoil
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