How to temper an oncoming rage?

[FigureIt]

My uBPDbf & I live together, with my daughter and two dogs. We just recently got the 2nd dog 2wks ago today. The dogs had a couple fights the 1st day but have been good. Tonight my uBPDbf went out w/ his friends for the 2nd night. He left at 4pm to watch sports. At 7 I was getting the dogs food together, a fight happened. I threw water on them but still fighting so I went to grab one, slipped, fell & cut my finger. Got dogs apart, and realized my finger cut deep and wouldn't stop bleeding. Needed stitches, so texted my bf to come take me to an emergency medical clinic. It took him 20mins. to get home, on way calls and asks what happen, then goes off on how we are giving the new dog back. Shows up, my daughter & I get in, all the way to the clinic raging how we are giving the dog away. (I am somewhat to blame cuz I didn't seperate the dogs b4 preparing the food.) Claiming he's got too many other things to worry about in his life to have to worry about the dogs. How he knew this would happen, etc.

So at clinic about 35 min, no stitch a gel pack, the drives back home. Silent all way home. I apologized for ruining his night. My daughter & I get out and he goes back out. I asked where (he didn't know), I asked will you be out late... . another "I don't know."

I expect he will come home late, drunk, and again start with how we are giving the dog back to the shelter.

I made a commitment to this other dog too, and I need to be more vigilant. Plus she has only been here for 2wks. , she's still adjusting.

Also while raging on drive to clinic he stated how we needed to cancel having my parents over tomorrow for dinner.  I just responded with "no", so his response was, "then I won't be there."

I didn't say anything.

Sitting here thinking about the events, I wish I would've just driven myself to the clinic and not involved my uBPDbf. It was all about him!

How do I avoid the raging when he comes home drunk?

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[an0ught]

Hi Ycul,

when dealing with a slightly dysregulated person

- avoid invalidation

- keep distance

- have an escape plan

Not much can be done at this point. When we suffer from rage it is often a sign of weak boundaries. It is much easier to blame others than yourself and to blame someone who you do not respect. Respect is critical to contain rage and respect is connected to boundaries. Rage is boundary crossing and in a relationship where boundary crossing is daily life rage is hard to contain. So while the options are limited in the short term in the medium term consistent boundaries can make a difference. Now alcohol makes it double difficult as it lowers inhibitions and promotes boundary crossing.

Coping with this is not easy. Keep safe