His grandmother has passed away

[Kifazes]

As the title suggets, my BPDbf's grandmother passed away this Thursday... . Ofcourse the blame and anger is all put on my shoulders. I can disconnect from it, and it doesn't affect me much. Except for the fact that it's a lot more quiet around the house, since I won't start a conversation with him.

I'm doing exactly what he always asked of me: leaving him alone and allowing him space in difficult situations. Ofcourse, he changes the rules, and I'm not caring enough.

That doesn't affect me much either. It's his problem, because he is changing the rules, and I can't read minds.


But, what really bugs me is the fact that he's making this passing away all about him.

I also feel sad and hurt by this, I loved his grandmother, and she was the only one in his whole family who liked me for who I am, agreed with my values and such. Now I feel like I'm on my own in there, although I'm on my way out the family (my choice, by leaving BPDbf, but can't go anywhere since we bought a house and have to stay live in it for the next 2 years).

Yet, he is the one who is deciding how it has to go. He is the one affected by how the family is treating him.

Today, he got angry because his mom (it is her mother that passed away) didn't pick up the phone after he just called her 5 minutes ago.

Why doesn't he see that she has a lot more to take care of than his phonecalls?

Now he's beyond angry at her, because the poor women didn't answer the phone. Which in my eyes is pretty normal when you're dealing with the loss of your mother and you have to arrange a whole funeral.

And there are all these little things, that bug me.

Like his cousin, his girlfriend left him a few months ago, and now my BPDbf is talking about how sad it is for the cousin to have no one to fall back on.

And how he is glad that the cousin is there for him, and they can talk.

So, in others they understand that they need someone to fall back on in hard times? But when we were still together, he couldn't understand that I needed him to fall back on at times?


Anyways, now that I see things clearly, I realize how badly I've been treated over the past few years. Since he shows that he's capable of empathy, and understanding that you need someone to fall back on.


But the fact that he needs to be the important one, although his grandmother passed away, is just mindblowing to me.

I guess I just needed to get this out of me :-)