Tell me how much of a cretin I am

[Depression = 72% of members]

Stupid NC for a month.

I have maintained it; experienced all the highs and lows and the rest of its accoutrements. It's nothing new; over the last seven years, I've done this with her before.

I feel like I'm dead, and the only two avenues of escape are Impossibility and a sad, bitter existence. It doesn't matter how much I read or how many hobbies I distract myself with, I will never be the same again.

Posting this isn't about crying or being weak, it's about the state of people around me. I no longer want to participate in this game. I'm out. I don't want to talk to or be around any human being, physically. And right at the center, is her.

I was going to post a picture of the last text convo her and I had - just so some strangers could sip of what pushed me over the line, but it wouldn't be right.

If I lived in a similar world to hers, where there were no consequences for ****ing people over, I would make her life a ****ing misery. I would destroy her for daring to F with me, after I was so kind and supportive of her. It wouldn't undo the past, but I don't care.

[Chunk Palumbo]

Stupid NC for a month.

I have maintained it; experienced all the highs and lows and the rest of its accoutrements. It's nothing new; over the last seven years, I've done this with her before.

I feel like I'm dead, and the only two avenues of escape are Impossibility and a sad, bitter existence. It doesn't matter how much I read or how many hobbies I distract myself with, I will never be the same again.

Posting this isn't about crying or being weak, it's about the state of people around me. I no longer want to participate in this game. I'm out. I don't want to talk to or be around any human being, physically. And right at the center, is her.

I was going to post a picture of the last text convo her and I had - just so some strangers could sip of what pushed me over the line, but it wouldn't be right.

If I lived in a similar world to hers, where there were no consequences for ****ing people over, I would make her life a ****ing misery. I would destroy her for daring to F with me, after I was so kind and supportive of her. It wouldn't undo the past, but I don't care.

[seeking balance]

I am sorry you are hurting so much Chunk 

I know it doesn't feel fair and in the middle of it all, it can really just plain suck.   You are not a cretin, you are hurting and just expressing what a bunch of us feel or have felt.

Do you have any plans this weekend?

[Chunk Palumbo]

I know all the words and phrases. But in reality, away from the BPD Family and countless other places online, it's a different ball game. It's like having the exact same brushes and paints as Leonardo Di Vinci (ie: knowing about BPD and what to do), and trying to replicate the masterpiece (actually living the words). Completely different.

I decided to try and be her friend since her and I were through, but she played jealousy/mind-games. Though, admittedly, at first, I played them back as payback.

My plans for this weekend involve a spot of ruminating about her being banged by another man who she doesn't love, and re-living her cheating on me over and over.

How about you? Croquet and PIMMS?

[fromheeltoheal]

Feel what you have to feel, but see it as a phase, not a life sentence; a month is no time at all.

[nolisan]

Have to agree that one month is early in the process. It is a grieving of a loss made more intense and complicated by the interaction of their BPD and our stuff.

It DOES get better.

Noli

[seeking balance]

heck, at a month I was still puking every morning... . it will get better, honestly.

Pick 1 healthy thing you want to do this weekend and make yourself do it - it really will help.

[Johnny Alias]

I'm over 2 months NC. I've slept with some of the hottest girls around. I've worked out. In therapy. Taken trips.

Some days are better than others.

Some suck majorly. On those I take a half a Xanax.

It's getting better though. Mines aging rapidly and losing her looks. Easier for me. That was her biggest lure.

Take time. Watch your bank account grow that you're not throwing it down her well. Rejoice in the fact that you haven't been arrested. Many people on here have. Get out of town. Get angry and go to gym EVERYDAY.

After I broke up with mine, she moved in with another dude almost immediately. Some muscle bound freak that no one likes. Then my best friend died suddenly. He was like my brother.

My house was empty as she took her furniture with her. My life was a shambles. My boss even said to pull it together or trouble was on horizon.

One of the worst times of my life... . And my brother killed my mom in a schizophrenic episode.

If I can survive that I can survive this. So can you.

[santa]

BPD people are scum of the Earth. You have every right to hate her.

Don't ruin your life over it though. She's not worth it. Just recognize what a piece of garbage she is and go on with your life.

Letting her bring you down is giving her too much power. She was just a bug on your windshield. Not even worth the trouble.

[mywifecrazy]

I would make her life a ****ing misery. I would destroy her for daring to F with me, after I was so kind and supportive of her. It wouldn't undo the past, but I don't care.

Hang in there brother. You're going through depression as a result of your relationship ending. It's normal.

I found my uBPDXW ****ing a family friend and husband to her best friend that lives across the street. I was devastated we were married for 20 years and I was caught completely off guard. This happen Father's Day 2013. I was in a lot of pain and went through depression for a couple of months. I found out that my wife SCREWING AROUND ON ME DURING THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF OUR MARRIAGE. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT SHE HAD BPD until after I found her cheating on me.

When I finally came to the realization that I did nothing wrong and all the Shame is hers I started feeling better about myself. There was nothing I could do I am a good person that happen to fall in love with a broken person. The shame is all hers she's the one with the problem and she's going to have to live with the consequences of her actions!

They will never get better but you can. Give yourself time to grieve and acknowledge the pain you're going through and you will be able to release it and you will come out on the other side a better and happier person!

Keep your chin up brother… You will get through this!