Haven't heard from him for 3 days, can I even hope that he is gone for good?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Sigh. So a week ago I sent an email saying that my relationship with uBPD BF is over. He went through 2 days of angry texts, calling, etc. then 2 days of nice  - let's hit the 'reset button' texts, to 3 days of silence. He has seemed to be obsessed in the past. Has fought me over and over to fight for this relationship. Could it be possible that he is letting go? Or is this the typical pattern? I don't want to start feeling too safe, because I need to still be prepared to protect myself. Just wondered if anyone has experienced this same pattern... .

The other thing I'm struggling with is that as he's left me alone now, I've been able to really realize what has happened. I feel like I've really messed up my life by not cutting things off with him sooner... . really feeling self guilt and shame about not doing this better. I had red flags and am kicking myself for still staying as long as I did.

Thanks for listening.

dream of peace

[dreamofpeace]

Sigh. So a week ago I sent an email saying that my relationship with uBPD BF is over. He went through 2 days of angry texts, calling, etc. then 2 days of nice  - let's hit the 'reset button' texts, to 3 days of silence. He has seemed to be obsessed in the past. Has fought me over and over to fight for this relationship. Could it be possible that he is letting go? Or is this the typical pattern? I don't want to start feeling too safe, because I need to still be prepared to protect myself. Just wondered if anyone has experienced this same pattern... .

The other thing I'm struggling with is that as he's left me alone now, I've been able to really realize what has happened. I feel like I've really messed up my life by not cutting things off with him sooner... . really feeling self guilt and shame about not doing this better. I had red flags and am kicking myself for still staying as long as I did.

Thanks for listening.

dream of peace

[Moonie75]

Dreamofpeace,

Have I got this right?  You ended the relationship via email?

[dreamofpeace]

Hi Moonie,

Yes, I ended it over email... . although he knew we were not doing well and we had been on this path for a while. Things had escalated and he had physically gotten aggressive with me. (Grabbed me by the neck from behind me and pulled me across the room) It was horrible, especially because afterwards he yelled at me for "playing the victiom role so well" and he demanded that I stand up, etc. I couldn't see him. I was afraid of him and afraid of him talking me out of it. I normally wouldn't want to end something through an email, but in my emotional state it was truly all I could handle. It is really tough because part of me misses him and the good times, but I can't have that in my life. I have to stand strong on that... . He has been relentless over the months, wanting to never give up on us, etc. trying to talk me out of it and negotiate things. I couldn't do it anymore. Not to mention, after the physical abuse incident he was constantly texting, wanting to know what I was doing, etc. I thought I was going to throw my phone and completely lose it. I'm a single mom struggling to do all for my kids and he wanted my attention all the time. It has been a peaceful 3 days for me. I get reminders and overall I'm sad that this had to turn out this way, but I can't change that. He crossed the line and I have to accept that... . thanks for listening to all that! : )

[Moonie75]

Sigh. So a week ago I sent an email saying that my relationship with uBPD BF is over. He went through 2 days of angry texts, calling, etc. then 2 days of nice  - let's hit the 'reset button' texts, to 3 days of silence. He has seemed to be obsessed in the past. Has fought me over and over to fight for this relationship. Could it be possible that he is letting go? Or is this the typical pattern? I don't want to start feeling too safe, because I need to still be prepared to protect myself. Just wondered if anyone has experienced this same pattern... .

By ending the relationship, in his eyes you are abandoning him. Not an unrealistic view because a relationship ending is a type of abandonment.

Abandonment is the number one, top of the charts, fear to a pwbpw!

There is no way, as long as he's got a hole in his a$$, that he will be genuinely letting go after just a week!

He may believe he is, behave like he is, even tell you he is. But the reality you will only see in time is that many/most never completely detach. PwBPD generally keep 'back up prospective partners' orbiting around them, in case of the eventuality they do get abandoned. Like it or not if he's gone quiet within a week, there's a possibility that he's attaching to an orbiter! Attachment is almost a life or death deal for him so he won't be hangin around, it'll be priority, big time priority.

They never attach properly (healthily). They never detach properly either (because that too requires a healthy mind).

They are stuck in trying to live/love, in an emotional 'No Mans Land'.


Letting go? After a week?

Physically Yes. Emotionally No

[Moonie75]

Hi Moonie,

Yes, I ended it over email... . although he knew we were not doing well and we had been on this path for a while. Things had escalated and he had physically gotten aggressive with me. (Grabbed me by the neck from behind me and pulled me across the room) It was horrible, especially because afterwards he yelled at me for "playing the victiom role so well" and he demanded that I stand up, etc. I couldn't see him. I was afraid of him and afraid of him talking me out of it. I normally wouldn't want to end something through an email, but in my emotional state it was truly all I could handle.

Taking into account the physical aggression you've suffered, I think what you did was sensible. You put yourself first & didn't compromise your personal safety.

Nobody can fault you for that.

[dreamofpeace]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Moonie. I felt it was too good to be true - not hearing from him. I don't want him to feel abandoned. Ugh. It makes sense that he's probably attaching to someone else right now too. I have to be prepared for how I will react if I see him. Not hearing from him, makes me relax and forget some. I still need to be aware though. Thanks for your insight.