Beginnng stages of RTC take 3?

[pessim-optimist]

Congratulations Raytam,

You stood your ground and dd is learning better behaviors!

She told me the evaluator came today also and that they said she doesn't need to go to an RTC. That she is going to fight it and have her do outpatient. Do you think that's true?

I am not sure what the truth is here, but I would definitely NOT let her know I was worried about it, or discuss it in depth... . It could change the course of her behavior even now if she thinks she will 'get off easy' and be out soon... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

Raytam

You need to speak to someone who really knows what is happening with your dd.  Until you hear from someone in authority, take what she says with a grain of salt.  She may be toying with you or she may be telling you what she WANTS to happen, and that does not make it so.  As the parents of a minor, I would think you would be informed about any changes in her treatment plan, especially anything done as an outpatient.

Third glass of wine?  OK... . take a deep breath and see what you can find out for certain tomorrow. Be persistent until you get some factual answers.  In the meantime, stop letting your dd14 control your emotions. She has to learn that she cannot snap her fingers and demand you respond, and you cannot control the weather or traffic accidents.  Stop feeling guilty.

It sounds as if you are doing all you can and she is manipulating. Remember wBPD nothing is ever enough.  Get some facts and go from there.  In the meantime, calm down before you make yourself sick.  She is safe and being cared for.  

Try to get some rest.

[raytamtay3]

I can sit here and try to justify my actions by saying that she got herself up to honors at the place and so deserves some extra treatment on my part, but the truth is, I'm still a pushover when it comes to her! I ended up taking the supplies to her this morning. And it caused my son to be an hour late for school and me an hour late for work. We would have made it if once again we weren't stuck behind another bad accident. I was cursing myself out the whole ride there - of course under my breath as DS was present. Grrr... . I hate myself sometimes.

[Verbena]

Your daughter is a master manipulator.  So she doesn't like the shampoo in the dentention facility?  She made the choice to end up there.  So she can't get along with the other girls there?  Again, she's where she is because of her own behavior.  So she demands that you give her addresses of her friends or bring her little brother there to visit?  She's locked up for her own safety and the safety of others.  She is not in a position to call the shots.  I would bet there are people at that facility that she wouldn't dream of trying to manipulate because she knows they won't tolerate it.  She continues to manipulate you, though, because experience tells her she can get away with it.   

Why jump to conclusions over her comment about the evaluator?  Why get upset over her comment that "everyone" thinks you are in the wrong for putting her in dentention?  You have said yourself that your DD lies constantly. 

You are your daughter's number one advocate.  You love her and know that she is very ill.  You have fought hard to get her the help she needs. You can't stop her from lying to you, but you can stop allowing her to manipulate you. 

Your daughter is half the age of mine.  I admire you for doing all you've done to get her some help for her issues.  I wish I had fought harder to get my daughter into therapy.  But I see a very long road in front of you if you don't change your own part in this dynamic very soon. 

[raytamtay3]

But I see a very long road in front of you if you don't change your own part in this dynamic very soon. 

I know. And you are 100% right. The cylce has got to end. And it begins with me.

[MammaMia]

Raytam

You can do this!

Tough love IS love, and you are much stronger than you think. Beating yourself up serves absolutely NO purpose and helps no one.  Let it go. 

Fortunately, every day is a chance to begin anew.  Today is the day.

[Being Mindful]

But I see a very long road in front of you if you don't change your own part in this dynamic very soon. 

I know. And you are 100% right. The cylce has got to end. And it begins with me.

Good for you Ray! Yes, the change can begin with you. That is how it worked for us. When I changed my behaviors, actions etc. that is when my d. started to change. It was hard work, but so very worth it.

[heartandwhole]

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