How did you (and are you) afford divorce and court stuff?

[momtara]

I have posted this before, but just wondering.  I have spent $20k and $14 of it is still on a credit card I will have to pay off.  I am scared that if I have to do something else in court, it will be another $5,000$20,000 and there are only so many credit cards I can apply for and max out.

Yet, some of you are in court all the time making and answering motions from exes.  How do you guys afford it?

[ForeverDad]

I haven't had a savings account since before we separated/divorced.  Yesterday I paid a bill and had $42 left in the checking account until next payday.  So far I haven't lost my job but it's in one hand and out the other.  I have a relatively good career but I've suffered, I'm sure all my co-workers get vastly better reviews and raises and there's a huge transition looming two years out at work where I risk getting deleted.

And the continual stress has impacted my health.  My parents both made it to their 90's but it doesn't look like I will unless there's some higher power intervention.

Many have faced costs that were too high, one option is to do as much of the research, documentation, preparation and footwork yourself.  Some managed to do much of it themselves with a lawyer contracted just to review your case and paperwork before submission, with the lawyer in Second Chair, so to speak.  Some have even been forced to go pro se (representing themselves) for the simpler court cases.

[Waddams]

yeah, i've been in debt, short sold a house so i could lower monthly expenses to pay more to the lawyer now, and done things like drove my old car that needed to replace until it literally blew up, have gone without needed medical/dental care (and am still doing so).

it's an issue of you can't save your way to substantially more money.  you can cut back and figure out how to make ends meet on any shoe string budget, though.

if you really need a financial change though, the answer is always figure out more income really.  which is easier said than done.  i've been trying to figure it out, but i really don't have time to devote to developing a supplemental income stream either. 

it's hard.  i figure i'll be working until i literally can't anymore at this rate.  retirement won't be in my future unless i win the lottery.

[david]

I don't have a cushion and I never lived like that since I was a teen.                                           I do as much research as I can. I have done things without an atty from time to time. I only do that when I am sure of what I am doing. I once filed a petition and the person at the courthouse wanted to know what atty I was using. I said I was pro se. She didn't believe me because my petition looked too good. I had petitions my atty made and followed the template. I spent hours in a law library for one petition. I never did anything big by myself. Following procedure is very important. If you don't you will not win.

[marbleloser]

What's costing so much momtara? Is your ex dragging you into court all the time? Are you contacting your atty over matters that you shouldn't? Does your atty have free reign,or did you tell them to let you know before they file a motion or do anything?

I've spent about $15K,and alot of that could have been avoided. In the early days,I contacted my atty over every matter.I don't do that now. Depositions were what was so costly to me,but they had to be done. One motion to enforce the schedule was $1K,and that ended up not going to court, due to circumstances, for contempt.

Is there anything you can do to reduce future costs?

As for the credit card debt,so what? This is your rainy day. File bankruptcy if you have to,after the divorce is final. I've never been a fan of bankruptcy,but in cases like ours,sometimes it can't be avoided.

[sfbayjed]

I think viewing this as your rainy day and doing what you need to do is important.  My credit isn't so good anymore, getting more credit cards at this point is not an option. I have come close to running completely out of funds several times but something would always happen and  I have been able to get by and the kids and I have been able to get what we needed.  I owe allot of people money which inst good for my credit score but have only minimal credit card debt.

It is really sd to see the money wasted so. thousands and thousands all  because of ex's craziness.  I think the only way to stop the bleeding is to represent yourself, yet with procedure being so important, it may not be advisable.

If you were in a different situation you may have had a gambling addiction instead of a BPD stbx. We have to do what we need to do today with the situation we have, do the right thing and fight the nobel fight and tomorrow has a way of working itself out. Perhaps you will loose somethings that you thought you needed, like a house, or a car but gain some happiness and stability in your children s lives which is something that can not be bought and is a great success.

Does it get less expensive post divorce?  Would it be easier to represent yourself after your divorce?  

[livednlearned]

My custody/divorce has dragged on for 3 years and has cost close to $70K.  :'(

That includes mediation, deposition, parenting coordinator, motions for emergency suspension of visitation, motion for psychological evaluation, a hearing for full custody and multiple motions for contempt, including three to collect legal fees.

N/BPDx is representing himself, though, and I think that jacks up the cost for me. It's nothing to him to show up in court, whereas for me it's $250/hr.

N/BPDx has had to pay me $13.5K in legal fees. I'm still trying to collect the last $3200.

I'm in student loan debt, credit card debt, I owe taxes, I owe my parents, and I owe my lawyer. I'm renting. No savings. It's a mess.

The only upside is that there is a college fund for S12 that my parents are managing. It's not a lot, but it's something. And S12 is a good saver, he has barely spent any of the money he's received over the years as gifts from people. So he has some money in savings if he ever wants to buy a car or put it toward college.