Mediation was yesterday.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So we had mediation yesterday. Yippee.

dBPDex told the mediator that he was seeking week on/week off for our 18 month old. She then put us in separate rooms and I told her almost everything I have on him from the drug abuse, attempts at suicide, moving 5 times, refusing to bring our son back, complete with all the emails, recorded calls, etc. She then put us back in the same room and told him I'd basically have to commit murder in order for him to get that kind of time.

So we mediate for two hours, back into separate rooms after a while. And what happens?

WE END UP WITH THE EXACT SAME FREAKIN' PLAN WE HAD TO BEGIN WITH.

I spent $4k for us to literally just go in circles before I take a shot in the dark and present him with a more specific version of our current plan (every other weekend, one overnight on the off week) and he just says, "Yeah, this is exactly what I was wanting, sounds good."

Are you kidding me. I took off work for literally nothing.

Everything else he was wanting he gave up on. He wanted to do all communication through ourfamilywizard.com and the mediator told him that wasn't a good idea. He kept refusing to learn our son's daily schedule and she told him he wasn't thinking about the baby's best interests. She really seemed to go to bat for my cause.

Anyway. It's so irritating that two hours and thousands of dollars later and we're right back where we started.

[Stuffie]

So we had mediation yesterday. Yippee.

dBPDex told the mediator that he was seeking week on/week off for our 18 month old. She then put us in separate rooms and I told her almost everything I have on him from the drug abuse, attempts at suicide, moving 5 times, refusing to bring our son back, complete with all the emails, recorded calls, etc. She then put us back in the same room and told him I'd basically have to commit murder in order for him to get that kind of time.

So we mediate for two hours, back into separate rooms after a while. And what happens?

WE END UP WITH THE EXACT SAME FREAKIN' PLAN WE HAD TO BEGIN WITH.

I spent $4k for us to literally just go in circles before I take a shot in the dark and present him with a more specific version of our current plan (every other weekend, one overnight on the off week) and he just says, "Yeah, this is exactly what I was wanting, sounds good."

Are you kidding me. I took off work for literally nothing.

Everything else he was wanting he gave up on. He wanted to do all communication through ourfamilywizard.com and the mediator told him that wasn't a good idea. He kept refusing to learn our son's daily schedule and she told him he wasn't thinking about the baby's best interests. She really seemed to go to bat for my cause.

Anyway. It's so irritating that two hours and thousands of dollars later and we're right back where we started.

[ForeverDad]

View it as a practice run at Standing Your Ground.  No more appeasement, capitulation, peacemaking, whatever.  Stand up for you you feel is reasonable and/or right.  And you did that.

Yes, it was expensive.  Lesson learned, next time determine how you can do the same thing but at less expense.  For example, how much of this event did ex pay?  If less than 50%, then make sure that next time he pays the full cost or at least 50%.  For all you know, that $$$ boundary alone might make him take a step back.

Are you starting off with short weekends?  Your child is still a toddler and he may not be prepared for that much parenting time in one stretch.

Which holes in the prior schedule did you plug?  For many here it's almost like Whack-a-Mole, fix one issue and another pops up.

[Stuffie]

View it as a practice run at Standing Your Ground.  No more appeasement, capitulation, peacemaking, whatever.  Stand up for you you feel is reasonable and/or right.  And you did that.

Yes, it was expensive.  Lesson learned, next time determine how you can do the same thing but at less expense.  For example, how much of this event did ex pay?  If less than 50%, then make sure that next time he pays the full cost or at least 50%.  For all you know, that $$$ boundary alone might make him take a step back.

Are you starting off with short weekends?  Your child is still a toddler and he may not be prepared for that much parenting time in one stretch.

Which holes in the prior schedule did you plug?  For many here it's almost like Whack-a-Mole, fix one issue and another pops up.

Good morning, ForeverDad!

Our former plan didn't have specific days mapped out. It was more like, "Parent B gets child one day every other week from 10-2" and then ex would get to choose the day. He would never actually pick a day and would just say that he knew I would refuse him no matter what day he chose.

I would prefer to start with short weekends but ex refused that. Bub spends a lot of time with ex's parents and they're very involved with him so I know he will at least be in good hands when he's with his father.

At least that part is over and we have some set boundaries! I don't even have to wait for him for hours at a time now. He gets a 30 min window then I'm free to leave our agreed meeting place and go home and he has to bring him home. If he doesn't bring him home then he is in contempt of court and he has to pay the court costs for an emergency custody hearing.

We're getting there! I guess my biggest fear is that every time his work schedule changes he will demand we modify the court order. He wouldn't tell me his work schedule before mediation which was just annoying.

Yay for baby steps!